Blogs Are Stupid

Doesn't anyone believe in Dear Diary anymore? What happened to the joy of putting actual pen to paper? And why does every ordinary Jane and John think they can write well enough to burden the world with their scribblings? It’s a mystery that badly needs solving. My first entry contains my thoughts about blogging and will set your expectations. The rest will probably be stream of consciousness garbage, much like you’ll find on any other blog. Perhaps we will both come away enlightened.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Dear Absentee Parent,

As a matter of fact, I did have something better to do. No, I wasn't going out anyway. I don't always have room for just one more. Yes, I do mind.

Furthermore, you owe me approximately $678.95 for the following:

  • All the times your kid came over after school because you were "stuck in traffic."

  • All the times I dragged him to practice because you were running late, or were "exhausted" from working all day.

  • All the times he bummed a ride to school when the bus didn't come and you had already left for work.

  • All the school holidays he spent here on a "playdate" so you didn't have to pay for childcare or ASP.

  • All the snacks and beverages he consumed on those occasions.


For the record, I am not a patsy or a nitwit. If you had just asked if he could stay here I probably would have said yes, because let's face it...I was going to be home anyway. But don't call me up and exclaim over how long its been since our boys got together, and then expect me to believe that the date you picked out of the air to reunite our long estranged children just happened to be a school holiday. This tactic is probably one to reserve for someone who does not live right accross the street.

Also, the ER story really does strain the boundaries of plausability, even for a simple minded housefrau like me. You might want to rethink your strategy the next time you need to go shopping, or at least try to act as if it is only through sheer strength of character and noble determination that you are able to drag yourself to the mall despite having just had your toe amputated.

Since you work on the other side of a city that rivals the 6th level of hell even on a good traffic day, I would like to suggest that you create a detailed contingency plan and go over it with your child, instead of just banking on me being home if something comes up. I may not have meetings or team builders or trade shows or sales calls, but sometimes I do venture out for food. In case you were unaware, the school provides after school care until 6 pm at a very reasonable cost. It's probably preferable for him to be there under competent supervision than home alone for four hours every day. Incidentally, you might want to check the history on his computer, as I'm pretty sure my kid learned about boobs.com at your house. Just for clarification purposes, napping on the couch is not supervising.

And while we're on the topic, you should be aware that if you lock the doors and go to sleep when your child is playing outside one more time, I'm will be calling the police instead of letting him come in and play until you decide to arise. Consider that SOP for hair and nail appointments as well. While I understand the appeal of stealing away for a little pampering, it's not really something that CPS looks upon with favor unless you have first secured reliable care for your child. Bubblebath is much less costly than bail.

In closing I would like to include a friendly warning...the next time you arrive on my doorstep to reclaim your child and ask..."Why isn't his homework done?" I will open up a can of whupass on your Jimmy Choo wearing, Kate Spade carrying, Palm Pilot dependant self.

Sincerely,

Patsy, er...Pre-pubescent One's Mom

Disclaimer #1: I realize there are many conscientious, responsible, organized and prepared working parents who balance their professional and parental responsibilities with complete competence. This piece is strictly an outlet for my frustration with several working parents in particular who are currently the bane of my existence. Thank You. I feel better.

Disclaimer #2: Yes, I changed the title. I realized it was unfair to imply that the shortcomings of the parents referred to in this piece were due to their working status, and that it was offensive to working parents in general, most of whom do an exemplary job of parenting irrespective of working status.

13 Comments:

  • At 4:23 PM, Blogger Alan said…

    Stylish blogsite!

    I like your "This Day in History" column today. If not for Magellan's discovery of the Philippines, it would definitely not have been a predominantly Christian country.

     
  • At 5:56 PM, Anonymous Leslie said…

    Wow, I'm going to have to c/p that for future reference.

     
  • At 10:51 PM, Blogger nursevl said…

    Ouch! Does someone REALLY lock the door and take a nap whilst their kid plays outside?
    Crap and Agony.
    I am speechless....

     
  • At 11:18 PM, Blogger Blog Antagonist said…

    Well yes, but it was okay because I was home. ((rolling eyes))

     
  • At 11:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

     
  • At 12:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    yeah I figured. I saved it elsewhere for posterity though.

    rainbownine.

     
  • At 12:42 AM, Blogger Blog Antagonist said…

    Awww, Louise...its really cute how you follow me around the web like a little puppy dog just begging for some attention. I never could resist a furry face. (pat, pat). That's a girl.

     
  • At 2:07 PM, Blogger Kirdy said…

    Asked why the homework wasn't done?

    Um.....time to sneak over in the middle of the night and let air out of tires or something.

     
  • At 1:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    ummm what as so offensive with my last two comments? again, I am just returning the favor of you folowing certain very entertaning bloggers around (you know who I mean and so do they).

    I was also sincerely wondering if i had a fury face problem. what would be your advice on that.


    Louise.

     
  • At 1:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    ummm what as so offensive with my last two comments? again, I am just returning the favor of you folowing certain very entertaning bloggers around (you know who I mean and so do they).

    I was also sincerely wondering if i had a fury face problem. what would be your advice on that.


    Louise.

     
  • At 9:06 PM, Blogger Blog Antagonist said…

    Squeaky Frohm.

     
  • At 1:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    It is rather interesting for me to read that article. Thanx for it. I like such themes and anything that is connected to this matter. I would like to read a bit more on that blog soon.

     
  • At 3:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    It is very interesting for me to read the blog. Thank you for it. I like such topics and anything that is connected to them. I would like to read more soon.

     

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