Blogs Are Stupid

Doesn't anyone believe in Dear Diary anymore? What happened to the joy of putting actual pen to paper? And why does every ordinary Jane and John think they can write well enough to burden the world with their scribblings? It’s a mystery that badly needs solving. My first entry contains my thoughts about blogging and will set your expectations. The rest will probably be stream of consciousness garbage, much like you’ll find on any other blog. Perhaps we will both come away enlightened.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

The Meaning of Life

I took my kids to baseball practice tonight. YAWN, right? I hear ya.

On good days, this is something that I view as just another item on my maternal to-do list. Its something a "good" mom does. Breastfeeding. Check. Vitamins. Check. Yearly check-ups. Check. Absurdly over the top birthday parties. Check. Reading aloud every night. Check. Clean underwear. Check. PTA. Check. Requisite sporting activites. Check.

On the bad days, it is an imposition and a hassle, and I grudgingly shuttle them back and forth with ill concealed irritation, list be damned. But in either instance, I am smugly assured that I am doing all the "right" things.

These things are commonplace, mundane. Boring, even. Their place in my life has become so presupposed and habitual, that I forget to see them for what they are; all too fleeting moments of being the most important person in my kids' lives. Its a monumental privilege, which is hard to remember when they've driven me to lock myself in the bathroom with a novel and a pound of peanut butter fudge. But Jesus...it will be over so soon.

I've had cause to be particularly contemplative lately. Some of you reading this know why. So tonight, I found myself really looking at my kids; all the kids. I saw dirt streaked faces, gap toothed grins, and freckled noses. I saw holey kneed britches that some mom would be shaking her head over later. I saw an honest to goodness slingshot hanging from some kid's back pocket. I thought they outlawed those in 1978. I saw one kid do a puppy dog dance, backend wiggling with glee when his bat finally connected with the ball. The coach high fived him, and the grin on that kid's face lit up the quickly approaching night.

I saw one Mom on the sidelines biting her lips to keep from calling out a word of warning to her disabled child as he struggled to do what the others did so effortlessly. I saw one kid carefully gauge how hard he could throw to his disabled teammate, conscious of hurting him; not wanting to embarass him. And I saw the other kids congratulate him in earnest when he did well. I saw my own son looking to see if I had been watching when he made a good play, and then giving me a return thumb's up and a self-satisfied nod. I saw siblings roughousing on the sidelines, giggling and shouting, jumping and skipping...achingly joyous and carefree.

We all have those "what the hell am I doing" moments right? What's it all about? What's it all for?

Later, as they munched their snack in happy, exhausted contentment, I was struck by the utter goodness of what was before me. And it hit me...There is no big mystery, there is no profound truth. It's all right here in front of me right now. This is what its all about. These kids are happy. They will grow up knowing they are somebody's sun and moon. They will bloom because they had everything they needed to nourish them heart and soul. They will know, now and forever, that they can do anything. And one day, they will not need me anymore...if I've done everything right. Self-confidence. Check. Autonomy. Check.

I have been given a very short time in which I get to play the female lead in the lives of my boys. One day very soon it will be that cute girl with the dimples who sits next to him in class. Then it will be the one that takes his virginity, the one that bears him a child, the one with whom he chooses to grow old. My time is almost up, and I intend to make every moment count. Because it isn't about who worships whom, who loves whom, who elects whom, who hates whom and for what reason. Its about giving the world a happy and whole individual and knowing I did a good job.

Serial Killer avoidance protocol. Check.

23 Comments:

  • At 12:47 AM, Anonymous reluctant housewife said…

    I just wanted to let you that I'm crying like a fool right now. I can't even think right now.

    Beautiful. Thank you.

     
  • At 5:51 AM, Blogger EmmaK said…

    Thanks for this, what a great post. You hit the nail on the head. Often day to day, bringing kids up is a grind, then once in a while you get days like the one you describe and it all gets put into perspective.

     
  • At 1:52 PM, Blogger Nicole said…

    All I can say is WOW! I've never heard it put so eloquently.

     
  • At 3:17 PM, Blogger J's Mommy said…

    great post! you are a wonderful writer.

     
  • At 4:46 PM, Blogger Carolyn said…

    That was beautiful, and pretty much sums up how I feel about my kids. It's amazing that I can go from being completely irritated in one instance, such as the bed-time battles, and then in the next instance, as I look at their angelic faces sleeping peacefully, I am filled with such love and peace. I definitely think you can check the "serial killer avoidance" on your list. Sounds like you're doing a great job!

     
  • At 4:46 PM, Blogger Carolyn said…

    That was beautiful, and pretty much sums up how I feel about my kids. It's amazing that I can go from being completely irritated in one instance, such as the bed-time battles, and then in the next instance, as I look at their angelic faces sleeping peacefully, I am filled with such love and peace. I definitely think you can check the "serial killer avoidance" on your list. Sounds like you're doing a great job!

     
  • At 6:39 PM, Blogger ~m~ said…

    Read B.A.'s blog, check. Marvel at the way she can make me think and feel, check. Thank her via comment box (thank you for putting it back btw, unpleasant comments be damned), check. Smiling completely satisfied, check.

    It's a good day. Now I am off to remember the zippy oneliner for that boob shot you have in another entry...

     
  • At 8:09 PM, Blogger Blog Antagonist said…

    Thank you to everyone for your kind comments. They mean a great deal to this novice blogger.

     
  • At 8:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I can so relate to this post.

    Sometimes life gets so hectic that it's hard to stop and enjoy the little moments.

     
  • At 11:37 PM, Blogger IzzyMom said…

    You have really struck a nerve with this piece. I can very much relate. Every day I vaccillate between irritation and awe. I always feel the inner struggle between being a good mom and thinking only of myself. But the kids always win. I adore them and hold tight to every moment, knowing they won't always be mine.

     
  • At 2:08 AM, Anonymous Tara said…

    Simply amazing piece. It struck a never with me and reminded me that I need to look at my hectic life in a much more meaningful way.

    Thank you for that.

     
  • At 7:17 AM, Blogger chichimama said…

    What a great, well written post! Thank you for putting it into perspective!

     
  • At 11:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Thank you, thank you, thank you. I really needed this today. I was feeling like my life was endless changing diapers and wiping snotty noses.

     
  • At 5:00 PM, Anonymous island jen said…

    Very nice sentiments here, I feel the same but lack the skill to put it into such beautiful words.
    Great post here.

     
  • At 5:16 PM, Anonymous Nancy said…

    That was an amazing post. Thank you. (sent by Izzy!)

     
  • At 9:34 PM, Anonymous chelle said…

    Izzy sent me too! And I am so glad she did! It is so easy to lose sight of the important things! You expressed it so eloquently!
    chelle

     
  • At 10:05 PM, Blogger Elizabeth said…

    As the mother of two boys (and a girl) I thought this post was wonderful. Of all the things I hope I'm doing right, I hope I'm teaching my boys to love the woman they spend their adult lives with. I hope from me they learn affection, sympathy and empathy, and compassion. I think I'm on the right track. Being a good husband, check.

    Sent by Izzy. Agree with all of your Pet Issues/Causes. Have "The Pillars Of The Earth" on my 4 favorite Books list. Will be back.

     
  • At 4:37 PM, Blogger jess said…

    first time here and having trouble posting a comment..

    thank you for your words, they are so inspiring i am linking to them on my blog

    my only question is, between a mom and baby, which is the sun and which is the moon?

     
  • At 7:36 PM, Blogger Blog Antagonist said…

    Thank you for your kind comments and I'm sorry for your trouble. I have my comments moderated for the time being. Seems I've acquired myself a stalker. ((rolling eyes)).

    That's a tough question. Can I get back to you?? My brain is mush at the moment.

     
  • At 8:39 PM, Anonymous Wendy said…

    Really all I can say is that was exquisite. And I needed to read it. I love my son so very much but you are right..sometimes we forget when we are hiding from them at the end of the day. Thanks for the reminder.

     
  • At 9:07 PM, Blogger Piece of Work said…

    Also here via Izzy. Like everyone else, I just love this post. Beautiful sentiment, beautiful words. Thanks.

     
  • At 9:52 PM, Blogger Andie D. said…

    I'm so glad I read this post. I'm so glad I read it TODAY as a matter of fact. My 4 year old was out to break me today, and I almost let him.

    I needed this reminder that our children are only going to actually BE kids for a short while. I seem to love them most when they are peacefully sleeping. Maybe it's because I feel like I've done a good job with them afterall. I'm going to try to get myself to really see them again when they are awake, instead of getting bogged down in the daily minutia.

    Thank you.

     
  • At 7:17 PM, Blogger Alyssa said…

    First time poster. Found you through Reluctant Housewife.

    I really enjoyed this post.

    I cant wait to be that mom. I may not even mind owning a van someday to tote my kids around. I have an almost two year old at this point.. but someday I'll be that mom. I don't doubt either that I'll end up locked in the bathroom with whether it be the whole tub of cookie dough ice cream or peanut butter fudge...You get the point. I'll be there.

     

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