Blogs Are Stupid

Doesn't anyone believe in Dear Diary anymore? What happened to the joy of putting actual pen to paper? And why does every ordinary Jane and John think they can write well enough to burden the world with their scribblings? It’s a mystery that badly needs solving. My first entry contains my thoughts about blogging and will set your expectations. The rest will probably be stream of consciousness garbage, much like you’ll find on any other blog. Perhaps we will both come away enlightened.

Friday, March 24, 2006

Remorse

Sometimes, I feel like a big fat loser in the Mom department.

This week, my kids have half days due to conferences and my patience has worn thin. The weather has been unusually cold and wet, so they have been in the house underfoot all week. I can't get anything done. The bickering and tattling make me want to put my fingers in my ears and chant LALALALALALALALA...I can't HEEEEEARRRR yoooooooooo!" Some behavior issues with my youngest have me worried and frustrated and conflicted. Their father has been working ungodly hours due to a looming deadline, an impromptu office move, and a boss who thinks that it is somehow possible to warp the fabric of time. I'm getting a taste of what single motherhood is like, with none of the benefits.

The result of all this is that I've been a grouchy, impatient shrew of a woman this week. I've complained about my kids to anyone who will listen and I've carped at them about one thing after another. If bitchiness was an illness, I would require an IV drip of nice. Yes, that bad.

Today I found out that two people I know are facing the possible loss of their children; one due to leukemia, another due to an AVM in her brain. Another acquaintance was recently told that her baby has died in utero at 20 weeks.

And Jesus how I want to take it all back. All I can think about is the fact that if one of my children died tomorrow, their last memories of their mother would be pretty dismal.

I'm sorry boys. I love you like nobody's business and my life would be so very empty without you. I would be destroyed if anything happened to you.

Hug your children today. Tell them that you love them. Apologize if you need to. I did.

3 Comments:

  • At 6:02 PM, Blogger Mom101 said…

    Oy. Oy to the 11th power.

    Glad you found a way to come around. SOmetimes it takes people with lives a hell of a lot suckier than our own to put things in perspective. But even so, we're all allowed our own gripes. Suckiness is relative.

     
  • At 11:15 PM, Anonymous Wendy said…

    I have had these days and when you realize that if god forbid anything ever happened, you would regret that this was your last memory, or theirs etc, and it is a very sobering thought - you peek in on them in their cribs or beds a zillion times and say a prayer and give an extra kiss - great post - i think we have all had those thougths at one time or another..h

     
  • At 12:39 PM, Blogger zeldafitz said…

    Oh MAN that's harsh. And so damn true it's painful. The li'l dears can be OH SO TAXING, but the love overrides it all. Somehow.

     

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