Blogs Are Stupid

Doesn't anyone believe in Dear Diary anymore? What happened to the joy of putting actual pen to paper? And why does every ordinary Jane and John think they can write well enough to burden the world with their scribblings? It’s a mystery that badly needs solving. My first entry contains my thoughts about blogging and will set your expectations. The rest will probably be stream of consciousness garbage, much like you’ll find on any other blog. Perhaps we will both come away enlightened.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006


"Birth Canal"

Webster says that a canal is a "a duct, tube, passageway", (ex: Alimentary canal) so I suppose in that respect, there is no techincial quibble.

However, typically, when one envisions a canal, one thinks of water. A body of water wide enough for a seafaring vessell to pass through, presumably, without being squeezed in a manner much like a navy bean being sucked through a drinking straw. This expanse is also presumably wide enough that said vessel does not cause structural damage to such a degree that the owner of the aforementioned canal, declares an embargo on any and all canal traffic, ever, until the end of time. Nor does it alter the dimensions of the canal so significantly, that smaller, more streamlined vessels flounder about, seeking purchase, lost and adrift.

Not so the human "Birth Canal".

For that reason, I am submitting the following to the kind people at Webster's:

Dear Sirs,

I submit that the term "Birth Canal" is an egregious and misleading misnomer. I would like to respectfully request that the term be revised as follows:

"Birth Crevice"

I introduce the following visual aid to illustrate the great disparity in marginal boundaries and serve as further evidence to support my claim:

Suez Canal


Birth Canal

Thank you for your kind consideration.

Yours Truly,

B. Antagonist,
Canal/crevice owner and operator


  • At 10:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    ohmygawd! WAAAAYYY too funny! I needed that! And for some reason, when I read "crevice" my mind was hearing that english accent way of saying "cra-vass", which made it seem sooo much more tight, unyeilding and appropriate!

  • At 10:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Here here! Who the hell are they trying to kid? CANAL?

  • At 5:38 PM, Blogger MrsFortune said…

    Haha. How funny. Birth "really tight fucking spot" seems somehow inappropriate, yes?

  • At 1:43 PM, Blogger Ali said…

    k - dying of laughter over here. it's so true.

    it's one of those words that men probably coined....

  • At 1:10 AM, Blogger Mom101 said…

    How about the "birth teeny little channel?" Or the "birth SO not a canal." I'll be happy to support you with Webster's. Just say the word; I got your back.


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