Blogs Are Stupid

Doesn't anyone believe in Dear Diary anymore? What happened to the joy of putting actual pen to paper? And why does every ordinary Jane and John think they can write well enough to burden the world with their scribblings? It’s a mystery that badly needs solving. My first entry contains my thoughts about blogging and will set your expectations. The rest will probably be stream of consciousness garbage, much like you’ll find on any other blog. Perhaps we will both come away enlightened.

Monday, April 24, 2006

S.O.S.

This is a completely mundane post about a completely mundane thing. Hair.

I have this problem with my hair. It is super duper straight and super duper thick. I know people think this is a good thing, but my hair will do nothing. Forget those cute little flippy styles, or those volume infused layered confections a la Rachel Green. Nope. My hair just won't hold a style. Every time I have attempted to have an honest to goodness hairstyle, I ended up blowing and curling and volumizing and backcombing and spraying for so long my arms ached, only to have the damn thing fall flat two seconds after I left the bathroom. Then I wore a hat for three months until it grew out enough to pull back.

When I was a teenager, I used to spend HOURS getting my hair to look just so. I had this sort of Pat Benatar thing going on, and it required a lot of construction. But I just don't have the time or the energy to devote to hair anymore, and in a houseful of boys, there isn't much patience for primping. Not to mention, I spend most of the spring, summer and fall at the ballfield, with a cap on, so what's the point?

So now I am stuck in this self-perpetuating cycle that I am desperate to break out of. I get it cut it in a basic bob. Then, I let it grow until about the only thing I can do to keep the stuff out of my eyes and off my neck is twist it up in a clip. I live with it for a few months, and then I decide something must be done with the 4 ton pile of hair on my head, and I begin to buy every hair magazine available for about a month. I pore over them. I bookmark styles. I agonize. I choose. I make an appointment. And I chicken out and get my hair cut in a basic bob. Repeat.

The most sensible thing for me to do would be to get a short cut. But I don't have ultra feminine features and my face is very round. I have big cheeks and a strong jaw. I can't really carry off the pixie look anymore. I feel like a man with boobs in short hair. Plus, I cannot STAND to have hair in my face, so bangs present a problem.

So, I'm in stage two now, and stage 3 is looming on the horizon. I don't have much hope that I will be able to break the cycle. Plus, it's pool and baseball season again so...

SIGH. I will probably be one of those little old ladies who wears her hair in a bun or a coronet of braids for forty years. I'll be nominated for one of those "Look Twenty Years Younger" episodes of Oprah and then I'll have a fit when some guy named "Jorge" wants to cut it all off.

How unhip would it be to get a perm? Do people do that anymore? I think the last time I got a perm it cost roughly the same as my car payment. Still, it would be worth it to give some life to these locks of mine. And perms for long hair are pretty much wash and wear, right? Course my hair is so thick that the last time I got a perm I ended up looking like Roseanne Rosanna Danna, so maybe that's not such a good idea.



HELP.

8 Comments:

  • At 12:52 PM, Blogger Antique Mommy said…

    DO NOT -- I repeat -- DO NOT get a perm. Nothing good can come of it.

     
  • At 4:04 PM, Blogger gingajoy said…

    problem with perm--they tell you it's a "body wave" and you leave the salon looking like a toy poodle. i have similar issues with my hair--i just found a stylist who struck upon the genius idea of cutting the hair when it's wet and then again when it's dry--to get out the weight and add more shape it. it made a big difference. i got a short, highly layered bob-ish look now--with some actual shape and movement. before it was very often just big blob hair.

    i say this now, but i am only in stage one of this hairstyle.

     
  • At 4:30 PM, Anonymous Lia said…

    My secret is to blow the budget on the best damn hair stylist in town - or the nearest big city. Get the best cutter - and get him / her to cut it and shape it into something you can dry au natural and that will grow out well. I spend a pretty penny once every 4 months, and he spends about 75 minutes cutting and shaping. Pure bliss.

     
  • At 7:00 PM, Blogger sunshine scribe said…

    I'd say no no no to the perm.

    Loved your post. I go through the same cycle and the third cycle ... every day is painful ... I could go and put down the cash to make the pain go away ... so WHY don't I???

    Seriously sometimes you get what you pay for with hair cuts for anyone without Jennifer Aniston's hair. My hair sucks but when I DO break down and get someone good to do it (and close my eyes and let them do what they want) then stage one is bliss ... until it grows out.

     
  • At 8:20 PM, Blogger MommaK said…

    I'm going to be on that episode of Oprah too. Maybe we can get drunk after on old lady cocktails- sound good?

     
  • At 8:41 PM, Anonymous reluctant housewife said…

    For the love of all that is good and Holy do NOT get a perm woman! Resist!

    Repeat after me: Long, face-framing layers in the front (none higher than your jaw) and a few layers to thin out the back.

    Go to Atlanta (or the biggest city near you) for the cut. It'll be worth it.

    You'll look fabulous. It's the easiest haircut/style know to man - er, woman.

     
  • At 9:30 PM, Blogger Blog Antagonist said…

    Thank you everyone for the commiseration. I'm so glad to know I'm not the only hair challenged woman on the planet. And you've talked me down from the perm idea. I owe all of you a big one. Virtual cocktails (old lady or otherwise) on me!

     
  • At 9:03 PM, Anonymous roo said…

    My goodness, I have the same problem. My step one, though, sits at the middle of my shoulderblades, and my step three at the top of my butt.

    I'll be thirty-one soon, and while I love hair that is the very definition of wash (comb) and go, I feel like I'm looking like either an aging hippy or a religious freak.

    Change is frightening. And I've had a lot of bad haircuts (including perms-- never again!) in my day. If you get a good answer, post pictures. I need help, too.

     

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