Blogs Are Stupid

Doesn't anyone believe in Dear Diary anymore? What happened to the joy of putting actual pen to paper? And why does every ordinary Jane and John think they can write well enough to burden the world with their scribblings? It’s a mystery that badly needs solving. My first entry contains my thoughts about blogging and will set your expectations. The rest will probably be stream of consciousness garbage, much like you’ll find on any other blog. Perhaps we will both come away enlightened.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Why Blogs and Bloggers are Not Stupid

You probably clicked on my link because of the title of my blog, right? If you read my inaugural post, you were probably pretty steamed. Who the hell does she think she is? you thought to yourself and then you clicked to find out, fully intending to give me a generous and emphatic piece of your mind for mocking the sanctity of blogging. I don't blame you. But you know what? I just didn't get it.

Because you have all been so incredibly kind, supportive, encouraging, complimentary and accepting of a stranger who basically just insinuated herself into your midst without really being invited, I want to offer an explanation.

A couple of years ago, my husband and I took on a project that resulted in two years of pure hell. I won't go into details, because it doesn't matter anymore. We've put it behind us. We chose to take with us all the good; to keep in touch with the multitude of truly kind, generous and supportive people we encountered and to leave all the hurt and negativity in the past. That proved to be easier said than done, particularly since certain individuals persisted in following me around for no other reason than the for the sheer amusement of harassing me. I found that I had some residual hurt and bitterness that I needed to exorcise before I could move on.

Some of these individuals had been blogging, and suddenly I had a target for all the anger and frustration that had been building. Because of the nature of the situation, I had been largely unable to defend myself, or my husband, or even my children (who were not, as one would think, off limits) from them. Many times I had no choice but to sit in mute astonishment as they told outrageous lies and assassinated my character and that of my husband.

To assuage the feelings that naturally arise when one is made to stand under a metaphorical tree with an apple on their head, I did what I do best...I used my words. And I won't lie, it felt good. Many of the early pieces I wrote were directed at specific individuals, and not truly representative of my thoughts about blogging in general. Truly, I did not mean for them to ever be viewed by anyone else but me, my husband and a handful of loyal and supportive friends who had stood by me through the entire ordeal.

But you know what? It worked. As my fingers flew over the keys and the words poured forth in a torrent, I began to feel better. It was the catharsis I needed to move on. And I did. I rediscoverd my voice, and my joy of writing, which I had all but abandoned during that period of struggle. My writing, though still occasionally irreverent, stopped being so cynical and sardonic and began to focus on the good things in my life. It was then that I knew the tide had turned, and that I was really going to be okay.

It all sounds very dramatic, doesn't it?? It was. Drama. The internet is built on drama.

Realization was dawning, and I began to understand the appeal of blogging. But though the old me was slowly emerging and I had let go of the acrimony, I still held a largely dim view of my own sex because of the experience.

But you all changed that. How?

It started with a post by Reluctant Housewife whom I did not know, linking to and expressing her enjoyment of a post I had made. I was stunned. I was touched. I read her blog and it was not stupid. I read some of the links on her blog roll. They weren't stupid either. They were funny, and intelligent, and genuine. And wonder of wonders, they were not sniping at each other. They were writing about stuff that we could all relate to, and they were supporting one another. Laughing and crying and commiserating and rejoicing with one another. I was encouraged, but not entirely converted.

Then, out of the blue, Mom101, whom I also did not know, nominated me for a Perfect Post Award, which was something Lucinda and Mommak put together to honor fellow bloggers. Not only did she nominate me, but she emailed me to tell me how much she enjoyed my writing. My astonishment was threefold. First, that a woman who was a stranger to me had reached out in kindness. Second, that other women were doing something positive to bring women together. And third, that even when we disagreed, it was done (mostly) with respect and maturity.

After that, I found myself being welcomed into a group of women who were so smart, so funny, so talented, original, unique and genuine that I could simply could not hold onto my enmity and disappointment. I felt that my faith in womankind had finally been restored.

When Her Bad Mother was recently made the target of a vicious attack at the hands of someone who fancies themselves very clever, (I won't link it, because I refuse to pander to such a shameless and pathetic bid for attention)I felt her pain, and I felt that faith being shaken again. But the response to her dilemma was so overwhelmingly supportive, that instead of crumbling into a pile of disenchanted and disconsolate rubble, it was reinforced with the steely strength of sisterhood. Bu yah, baby.

So now you know my story of how I found myself again, how I found all of you, and how in so doing, I found out that Blogs and Bloggers are most definintely...not stupid.

Thank you all.

(Oh, and...you can be sure this will garner some interesting comments, undoubtedly anonymous. Feel free to sit back and watch. It's sure to be good entertainment. Kind of like Jerry Springer.)

35 Comments:

  • At 3:10 AM, Anonymous Izzy said…

    I remember that post that RH linked to. It was awesome, as is most everything you write. Thanks for the great post and the link love :)

     
  • At 8:03 AM, Blogger Mrs. Chicky said…

    Yep, that's pretty much what I thought when I first read your blog title - "Who is this woman and who the hell does she think she is calling me dumb?". But I was intrigued and I lurked for a long time before commenting. The day you included me in your blogroll was a big day for me!

    I'm only being partly funny when I say that. ;)

    Thanks for linking to me, it is, again, an honor to be included on your blog.

     
  • At 8:32 AM, Blogger JerseyTjej said…

    Guess i will have to start at the beginning of the archives...I must link to over 20 people but you are the first i have seen that actually has a grateful readership!

     
  • At 9:14 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Although it doesn't surprise anyone that you continue to avoid any responsibility for your part in the "2 years from hell", as there was lots of hell to go around and you caused much of it for others, it is apparent that you are in a much happier place right now, and I am glad for you. I wish you well and hope you continue to build a more positive life for yourself and your family.

     
  • At 9:33 AM, Blogger MrsFortune said…

    Hmm, I thought your title was ironic. Guess I'm dense? Anyway, I though the internet was built on porn, not drama. Am I wrong?

    I don't know what your "hell" was but I'm glad it's over. :-)

     
  • At 9:33 AM, Blogger MrsFortune said…

    THOUGHT the internet was built on porn, I meant to say.

     
  • At 11:54 AM, Blogger So-Called Supermom said…

    Here is the thing about "Aynonomous posters"----they think they have something really smart and intelligent and worthwhile to say but they dont have the guts to show their face when they say it. Hmmmmm...kind of makes you wonder!!

    Honestly. I love your blog. You make me laugh. You make me think. So, yes, some bloggers are stupid but you are fabulous!

     
  • At 1:45 PM, Anonymous betsy said…

    I know full well your two years from hell, and much of that, from my perspective, was actually very good. But I'm outside of the loop LOL. I'm sorry to see anonymous posters still trailing you and not leaving you alone. Sad. They need to get a life. I'm SO glad you have survived, and thrived. Your blogs are excellent and I look forward to reading them. Well done, BA. You are awesome!

     
  • At 3:03 PM, Anonymous Kvetch said…

    I am sorry that "anonymous" had to ruin what would certainly be a string of lovely comments! You're so right --- we learn so much about the wonder of women and the cyber community we've built --- just by being part of it --- and sometimes it happens by chance. Although I do believe that everything happens for a reason. I am glad I found your blog! :-)

     
  • At 4:39 PM, Blogger My float said…

    I've lurked long enough - now it's time to leave a comment! Your blog amuses me no end. Thank you.

     
  • At 4:41 PM, Blogger Mom101 said…

    And...the BA character arc is complete! At least for now (something tells me there's still more to come). But as you know I love your writing, love your introspection and thoughtful take on the issues du jour; and now, love hearing how you've founded a lighter (in a good way) side of yourself through this writing of yours. Although I challenge you in one aspect: if you had undertaken this only as a joke, you probably wouldn't have joined the CHBM which is how I found you in the first place. So deep down, there must have been some small part of you that knew there were better relationships to be formed through blogging than whatever ones were formed through your *mysterious* earlier endeavors.

    However it happened though, so glad it did. As I've always said, I wouldn't change much in my life. Because if I did, it would change who I am today and all in all, I'm pretty happy with that person.

     
  • At 4:53 PM, Blogger Antique Mommy said…

    You are such the wordsmith and it makes my day to come here and see a new post - Blog Candy! I too came here to gawk just because of the title -- and stayed.

    Now, who disparaged Her Bad Mother?? I'm going to kick their ass. Or at least feed Sean a Coke and a box of Oreos and drop him off at their house...

     
  • At 5:08 PM, Blogger jennster said…

    so awesome!!!!! i think we all find eachother, THROUGH one another- it's such an awesome community. i mean, that is what we are- a blog community. i originally found you from someone else... your blog title made me laugh out loud! lol anyways, i love this post. so much love in blogland lately and i'm posting about beating my boyfriend. lol

     
  • At 6:10 PM, Blogger MommaK said…

    Damn, damn, damn!!! I hate it when I miss the drama!

    But I love your message here and I have can say that I have seen the glory of US in action. Collectively we can and have kicked some major ass. Go US!

     
  • At 6:42 PM, Blogger Ruth Dynamite said…

    Blogging can be stupid. It's easy to be stupid on a blog. But thankfully, your blog and lots of others are really funny, smart, and relevant.

     
  • At 7:45 PM, Blogger sunshine scribe said…

    I remember the first time I read your blog and the title pissed me off and I was about to leave until I read your post. I actually even totally disagreed with the content of that post but loved how you presented it and the dialogue that enused within the comments. And, most of all, I was drawn in by your stellar writing.

    You are one of my very favourite writers. I love your perspective. And since that first post I read, I have found that I now end up agreeing with you on most issues - and even when I don't, I find myself completely enamoured with your presentation of it.

    Smart, funny, cool ... and most definately not stupid :)

    I am so glad you blog. Sincerely. Now I love your title and find it ironic and brilliant. Full circle baby.

     
  • At 10:58 PM, Blogger Blog Antagonist said…

    A very sincere THANK YOU to all who have commented so kindly. I know it sounds trite, but I am honestly and truly humbled to be in such stellar company. Each of you has an amazing voice and something wonderful to offer. M'kay is right...go US.

     
  • At 6:41 AM, Blogger Mega Mom said…

    I haven't seen a ton of your blog, but I'm so glad you found a comfortable place.

    I do like how you never seem to blindly agree with people. You always seem to present your POV rationally, clearly, and in somewhat of a "devil's advocate" kind of way. I admire that.

     
  • At 11:52 AM, Anonymous louise said…

    pooka, i am so happy your two years of pure hell are over (I thought the first year was actually pretty decent myself). Did you forget to mention that those years of hell were, in at least some ways added to by your very own self? And that the *proect* you and DH *took on* was really a community effort by a group of women you no longer count as friends?

    Those friends? Doing great, still in touch with each other, no drama, lots of discussion. I guess we all found our home. Praise be!

    Louise. (rainbownine)

     
  • At 1:36 PM, Anonymous reluctant housewife said…

    Thanks for the love!

    I remember when I found you on CHBM and I had to *gasp!* email you in order to let you know how much I liked your writing and to agree that blogs are, indeed, stupid. (I know. I have one.) I'm glad you came out of your shell and let us comment.

    You are very talented and sincerely hope that I see your writing on Literary Mama soon. Did you get my email?

    (I wonder who these anonymous people are. I'll tell you they're...dedicated. I have one person in Vancouver who checks that post where I linked to you every other day. Also another person says that you're "dangerous". Wooooooo.)

     
  • At 4:20 PM, Blogger Suburban Turmoil said…

    I'm glad you've made some friends in the blogworld- I wondered about your title, but didn't take it personally. :)

    Don't let the beeyotches get you down!

     
  • At 4:21 PM, Anonymous Louise said…

    not dangerous but certainly..ummm strange. Which is not always a bad thing.


    Louise

     
  • At 4:24 PM, Anonymous Louise said…

    and from what I see there is only 1 annonymous comment. Very unjerry springer like.


    Louise

     
  • At 2:29 PM, Anonymous Louise said…

    Just checking to see if Jerry showed up. Guess not, maybe interest in your writings is not so great afterall.


    Louise.

     
  • At 4:08 PM, Anonymous mothergoosemouse said…

    I guess my sense of humor is every bit as warped as I suspected, because I think a blog called "Blogs Are Stupid" is freaking hilarious.

    And BA, I have been extremely remiss in not reading you regularly. I shall repent.

     
  • At 7:20 PM, Blogger Mom101 said…

    Louise: Maybe you should take some interest in your own writing and learn to spell.

    Liz.

     
  • At 9:57 AM, Blogger Prezzie said…

    You know, I wasn't going to comment on your blog post but I see you have, once again, managed to convince people of your "innocence" and that you are something other than what you really are. Why don't you just drop the subterfuge BA and tell these folks the truth. Tell them how your site was given thousands of dollars and you trolled your own site slamming MY children. Why don't you tell them why you slammed my children? It wasn't because *I* was making fun of your kids it's because I told another poster that you were "medically negligent" for allowing your asthmatic child to "gasp" for two weeks with out seeking medical treatment. (And yes, you said GASP!) I wasn't being malicious, I was being factual. Anyone who is familiar with asthma KNOWS you do NOT allow your child to "gasp for breath" for 14 days w/out seeking medical treatment. You then donned your troll moniker and slammed my boys and wrote untruths about ( "and one of her sons rides the short bus") them and then bragged about it in your private room. You never once apologized and you and your Mr. BA felt that it was perfectly OKAY for you to do this. And until you atone for what you did BA you are nothing more than trash to me and many others that saw your true colors when you posted on your private board that you thought it was funny to get one over on Prez and that you couldn't "ban" that moniker for "obvious reasons". I'm sure you will delete this as you deleted so many other people's words from your site as you didn't want anyone knowing the truth about what you are truly like.

     
  • At 6:34 PM, Anonymous Louise said…

    mom 101,

    I actually can spell, BA can attest to that. I am ust a shitty typer.

    Louise.

     
  • At 6:36 PM, Anonymous Louise said…

    and at least I don't need a thesaurus to make myself sound interesting and *high brow*


    Louise

     
  • At 6:38 PM, Anonymous Denise said…

    Ya know Prezzie, I am so sick and tired of reading how "innocent" you and the others were all supposed to have been in what happened.

    It was probably your pal STF that was the person who posted about your son to cause more trouble - after all her/his favorite activities were listed as ripping apart message board communities.

    And if the "private room" you are referencing is supposed to be the mod board, then your informant erred greatly when they told you what was posted there.

    And while we are on the subject of private rooms, why don't you tell everyone some of the "wonderful" things that were said about BA and many others at the private site you and your friends have?

    And never mind the private site - lets talk about all the slamming you and your friends did on BA's site in public. All the nasty things that were said about all mods and anyone who didn't agree with you - most of whom you don't even know anything about - yet we were called everything from Nazi's to Flying Monkeys, our intelligence was attacked and our integrity as well. How about some apolgies to us?

    Please, enough, it is over.

     
  • At 6:43 PM, Anonymous Louise said…

    and I am quite sure BA will erase most of these posts from those she has no respect or time for. Pity, there is quite a truth in many of them.

    Louise.

     
  • At 8:54 PM, Blogger Prezzie said…

    Ya know Denise, no one ever purported that they were "innocent" save for Ms. BA. As for everything else - Ms. BA had entrance to the private board. She was given the URL for it. She knew what was going on and she chose not to make a visit. As for what was said, I posted in public what I said about her under the same moniker I've used on the 'net since 1999 and the same one here. Ms. BA has a nasty habit of donning a troll moniker to make trouble for people. Others came out on her "hell" site and talked about it.

    Believe what you want Denise but I never ONCE talked trash about her kids, not ONCE. *She* admitted, not on the mod board, that she was stfup and Mr. BA made reference to it in another post. The mod board wasn't the only "private" board at her "hell" site.

     
  • At 12:34 AM, Blogger Veronica Mitchell said…

    Wow. This is fascinating. I am so impressed that you are leaving the skunk posts up. Good for you. If this is what you go through to blog, you are a stalwart woman.

     
  • At 7:19 AM, Anonymous Riebee said…

    Jer-ry. Jer-ry. :-)

    hang tough BA....

     
  • At 10:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    it just keeps going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going....

    oh look something shiny!

    you know what BA? I am drunk, I just recently realized I am gay, I may lose my house, my kids, my life, just freakin ignore the ghosts from the past....too much rides on the here and now.... you are wonderful...you always have been wonderful... I love you... thanks for your friendship throughout the years I have known you... thank you for loving me...

     

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