Blogs Are Stupid

Doesn't anyone believe in Dear Diary anymore? What happened to the joy of putting actual pen to paper? And why does every ordinary Jane and John think they can write well enough to burden the world with their scribblings? It’s a mystery that badly needs solving. My first entry contains my thoughts about blogging and will set your expectations. The rest will probably be stream of consciousness garbage, much like you’ll find on any other blog. Perhaps we will both come away enlightened.

Friday, August 11, 2006

An Open Letter to the Parents in my Neighborhood, Part II

Alright, look....It's true I was going to be home anyway. I'm home everyday. You and I and every other parent in the neighborhood knows I am home every day. Because, I am a stay at HOME mom, and who the hell can afford gas to go anywhere on one salary anyway?

But the next time your kid shows up at my house at 10:00 am, announcing that he can stay until 4:00 pm, he better have a fucking lunch packed. Bologna and Wonderbread aren't cheap, especially when I'm feeding all the other kids in the neighborhood whose parents can't be bothered to, you know...PARENT them. You might also include a couple envelopes of Kool-Aid and a pound of Dixie Crystals. Because in case you weren't alive today, it was 97 degrees outside and kids go through a lot of friggin fluids in this kind of heat.

Also, if your kid is going to show up at the pool with the understanding that I will be supervising him, it's kind of important to let me KNOW that I will be supervising him, so I don't look around wondering who's supposed to be saving him if he begins to drown. You see, I often do not wear a suit to the pool. Since both of my kids are strong swimmers I can do that, but generally, when a kid depends on water wings AND a noodle to stay afloat, I like to be prepared.

As a side note, please inform your child that cats are not really down with having their ears taped together, and that since fish aren't really fond of cats, it kind of freaks them out if you put one in the aquarium. You might also mention that cat food is for cats and fish food is for fish, and the next time my cat horks up a whole can of Tetramin on the bed your kid will be sent home wearing the soiled bedsheets like a Toga.

And not that I'm complaining about how much time he spends over here, but when a child I didn't personally give birth to saunters through the living room with a pilfered Maxim under his arm and announces that he's going to go "Sink the S.S. Feces", it may be that he's taking the saying "Make yourself at home" a bit too literally. In which case, he should feel free to lend a hand with our daily clean up instead of assuming a supervisory role. And just so we're all clear about this, the next time he tells me "You missed one", I'm going to have to miss one right down his throat.

But you know...maybe we can make this relationship work. You're out "anyway", would you mind picking up the cat at the vet (remember the Tetramin?) and swinging by the store for a gallon of milk and some Tampax? Oh, and a Caramel Frappacino from Starbucks would reeeeealllly hit the spot.

Thanks. I'm so glad we had a chance to talk. I feel much better now.

I honestly don't mind having kids over here. I'd rather they were here, where I know what they're doing and watching and playing than hanging out someplace where supervision is questionable or non-existent. Growing up, our home was not the "hang out" house, and I often wished it was. I encourage hanging out here.

BUT. It would be nice to be asked. It would be nice if people would teach their children how to behave in someone else's home. It would be nice if people didn't just assume that I have nothing better to do all day than feed and entertain everyone else's kids. And it would be nice if someone reciprocated once in a while. Is it so wrong to expect a little courtesy? Once, a Mom I scarcely know dropped her kid off in front of the house with a cell phone, gave him the "call me" sign, and drove off. WTF?

For the record, it isn't just the working moms. Some of the worst offenders are stay at home moms like myself who just want a few hours of peace and quiet. Don't we all??


  • At 11:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hello, I just want to tell you I love your blog and totally understand you with the kids' situation and the truth is you just have a great big heart and can't say no. Bless your heart.

  • At 12:28 PM, Blogger OhTheJoys said…

    I can't BELIEVE other moms do that to you. I... Can I come drop off my kids?
    (Just kidding!)
    Seriously, I've never heard of the kookaid house being so abused.

  • At 12:40 PM, Blogger kevin black said…

    Depending on the age of the kid who sauntered off to your bathroom with the Maxim magazine, he may not be sinking the S.S. Feces. Signs that he's not totally telling the truth would include excessive use of the faucet, missing hand lotion and visible fatigue upon leaving the facilities. Oh yeh, and the Maxim magazine.

  • At 12:46 PM, Blogger Blog Antagonist said…

    Violeta: Thank You! I hope you'll come back often.

    Oh, the Joys: Sure, what's one more kid?

    Kevin: Ew. Just...Ew. 11 year olds don't do they? Say no. C'mon Kev, lie to me baby.

  • At 12:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    If I didn't believe you were my soul sister before, I know it now. My son came home (I picked him up) at 9pm the other night - and was not given dinner after being picked up at a movie at 7. I dropped the boys at the movie at 4:30. Its just wrong.

  • At 1:16 PM, Blogger Mama of 2 said…

    What a great read on a Friday afternoon.

    I loved your whole take on it and your tongue and cheek manner of presenting it was even better.

    Thank you for chuckle.

  • At 4:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I am sorry but that is just wrong! You are very kind to do it, but I cannot even fathom just opening my door and telling my child to go play at the neighbors for 7 hours!!!

  • At 9:30 PM, Blogger Karyn said…

    That made me laugh so hard I choked on my lemonade, so I hope you're happy. This is hilarious and I hope your neighbor gets her head out of her ass long enough to read this someday... perhaps someone will print it and accidentally leave it tacked to her little ingrate's ass when he is eventually sent home. I'm just saying.

  • At 11:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    What's wrong with goldfish and the garden hose? I mean, you do lock the door to keep them from coming back in, right? Or did you stop doing that?

  • At 7:22 AM, Blogger Sandra said…

    Maybe you should post this on the community board in your neighbourhood ... he he.

    Sounds like you are offering a free babysitting service ... can I send my kid over too? Some people!

  • At 1:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Since I was at home, and neighbor mom wasn't, I dealt with this for YEARS. Because my kids had chores to do and I made them do reading, writing, etc. -- it annoyed me to no end that the minute it was "ACCEPTABLE" to ring the doorbell at our house, they were there.

    I also had relatives who thought just because I had three, one or two more were no big deal and never reciprocated.

    Yes, I would rather supervise at my house but there are moms who don't raise their kids right and take advantage of others....

  • At 2:00 PM, Blogger nina said…

    I was already laughing and then kevin made me spit my coke all over the place...

    and THEN anonymous chimed in with a tired old zinger and it felt like old home week...


  • At 8:04 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    yes it did, M. People just can't get enough can they? sheesh

    I'm with ya BA on this. Unreal!

  • At 9:10 AM, Blogger Kimberly said…

    You know I was just thinking this morning that maybe it's a pool thing. It doesn't happen to me now but I wonder if it will once our pool is finished (which at this rate will be next freaking year).

    Mayeb you should senf them home with an invoice.

    Babysitting $5
    Lunch $2
    Hassle $25

    She'll get the message ;-)

  • At 11:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    That makes me MAD. I can't even fathom the irresponsibility of those parents, not to mention the sheer rudeness.

    Really, when it comes to the kid showing up at your door, I'd send him home with a note that you are not available to host guests today. And the kid that you don't even KNOW or the ones arriving at the pool announcing that you are supposed to watch them? I'd tell the parents that next time, you're calling social services. Those latter instances make me worry for the kids' safety.

  • At 9:47 PM, Blogger Blog Antagonist said…

    I'm not worried when they're with me. That's why I prefer them here. But yeah, I worry about a kid who's parents will park them with any semi-conscious adult. I don't understand it. I did call the mom about the pool thing and it turns out it was a misunderstanding (long story)but I'm still just a hairs breadth away from calling CPS on her.


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