Blogs Are Stupid

Doesn't anyone believe in Dear Diary anymore? What happened to the joy of putting actual pen to paper? And why does every ordinary Jane and John think they can write well enough to burden the world with their scribblings? It’s a mystery that badly needs solving. My first entry contains my thoughts about blogging and will set your expectations. The rest will probably be stream of consciousness garbage, much like you’ll find on any other blog. Perhaps we will both come away enlightened.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

GAK

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I am going for a Lasik consultation today. And while I'm thrilled beyond words at the prospect of being free of the glasses I have worn for 30 years now, I am not looking forward to the procedure, the pre-procedure procedures, and the post-procedure procedures. I have a procedure phobia, you see. And because of this phobia, I am a chronic doctor avoider.

I had to have my gall bladder removed several years ago. This used to be fairly major surgery, as a large incision had to be made, and the liver discombobulated quite a bit to gain access. Both my mother and my sister have huge scars from their cholescysectomies and took weeks to recover.

But these days, they do this procedure laparascopically. It's minimally invasive, with a much lower pain quotient, and much faster recovery time. It's a piece of cake, is what my doctor told me.

Still. People were going to poke things into me and cut things out of me, and I didn't like it one bit. Not to mention that I could go to sleep and never wake up.

The night before the surgery, I didn't sleep a wink. I was so anxious I was on the verge of vomiting all night long. The day of the surgery, I played it cool for my kids, but I was a nervous wreck. In pre-op, they gave me a sedative to calm my nerves. My blood pressure was too high because I was freaking. The flock. Out. They couldn't put me under until my pressure was down. I suggested an epidural, thinking this would allow them to operate while easing my fears about waking up dead. They laughed. I wasn't joking.

They gave me another dose, and another. Finally the anaesthesiologist told me he couldn't give me anymore. I lay on the metal operating table naked, which, as you can imagine is thoroughly relaxing, and tried to will myself into a state of non-hysteria. Finally, my pressure came down and they could begin.

Twenty minutes later I was in recovery. All that anxiety for twenty mintues. Once I realized I wasn't dead, I felt pretty foolish about my behavior. I hurt like hell, but not as bad as I expected. I got up to use the bathroom five minutes after waking. Then I wanted to get as far away from that place as possible. I think I went home an hour after the procedure. I had none of the gas pains that some people experience from having laparascopy. I recovered very, very quickly, and I was really amazed, and embarassed, by how easy it had been.

You would think that would have eased my fears a bit in regard to surgery. You would be wrong.

So now I have opted to have my eyes surgically altered by a laser. Crazy. And what's crazier, is that I have to lie there awake and watch as the laser beam vivisect my eyeball. There isn't enough Versed in the world. And yet, I am voluntarily undergoing this procedure.

Today they will dilate my pupils and take all kinds of measurements. No biggie, right? And yet I look upon this with almost as much dread as the procedure itself. I. hate. doctors. I. hate. procedures. Of any kind.

BUT...to wake in the night and be able to see the bedside clock...to not have to feel my way to the bathroom...to see my husband during sex....to be able to wear fashionable sunglasses and have multiple pairs to suit every fashion need and every whim...to not have to stick torturous plastic dinner plates in my eyes and carry bottles of artificial tears in my purse, my glove box, the beach bag, the gym bag...

I can't even imagine that kind of FREEDOM.

Is it worth a little anxiety? Hell yes.

Wish me luck.

11 Comments:

  • At 10:57 AM, Anonymous Momish said…

    I have been debating getting this done. I eagerly await your summation. Best of luck. I hate doctors and procedures as well. It also doesn't help that they never can put the stupid IV in. I need a procedure for the IV before the other procedure. It's a nightmare! But, I have heard this is more or less a piece of cake. I await your verdict on that, seeing as you feel the same as I do!

     
  • At 11:03 AM, Blogger Kate said…

    Woohoo! LASIK is great. I got it done when it was very new, and though my "poke sharp things into my eyeballs?! I think NOT!" phobia was enough to keep me from the free touch-up surgery, it was worth it to get from 20-600 to 20-50. Seeing the clock from across the room in the middle of the night is still a thrill for me. Good luck!

     
  • At 11:53 AM, Anonymous reluctant housewife said…

    Wow! Congrats! I wanted to get it done this year, but they're making me wait until I'm done having kids.

    I'm jeluz!

     
  • At 1:15 PM, Blogger Natalie said…

    It sounds liek a great procedure as procedures go but seeing the laser come at my eye would not be easy for me at all.

     
  • At 2:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    you won't regret it. I had it done just recently and I fully recommend it, it is so much better to actually see everything fine.
    Violeta

     
  • At 5:02 PM, Blogger MommaK said…

    Oh gosh!! I have been back and forth on that same decision for years now. The fact that you have to WATCH it happening to you is too much for me to get over. I have worn glasses/ contacts for 20+ years now and am very very ready to be free.

    I hope it went well for you. Please take care and let us know how you're doing..and how it was.

     
  • At 5:11 PM, Anonymous Antique Mommy said…

    I did it five years ago (Lasik that is) and it's even better now (again, Lasik). It is over in three seconds (Lasik). You will wonder why you didn't do it sooner. I actually kind of like to have a "procedure". I love the anesthesia. It's the only time I get some good sleep. My policy is to find a doc I have total confidence in so I can relax and be a good patient.

     
  • At 7:02 PM, Blogger Mrs. Chicky said…

    I wish I had some pearls of wisdom for you but I also freak out if I have to have a procedure. Hell, I freak out if I have to go to the dentist. Just keep remembering that they payoff is worth it!

     
  • At 7:14 PM, Blogger Ruth Dynamite said…

    Well hello! I belong to the cholescysectomy club too! I miss my gall bladder, but it was time to say goodbye. Adios. Farewell.

    Get a good lasiks person and soon enough you'll be seeing more than you need to see. Best of luck!

     
  • At 7:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Best of luck, B.A.

    Smoochy and I are pulling for ya!

    He says, "Be Strong!"

    You can do it!!!

     
  • At 9:14 PM, Blogger Oh, The Joys said…

    I'll be thinking of you. (I'll be thinking - GAK! SHE'S LETTING SOMEONE CUT HER EYES!!!) KIDDING!!

     

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