Blogs Are Stupid

Doesn't anyone believe in Dear Diary anymore? What happened to the joy of putting actual pen to paper? And why does every ordinary Jane and John think they can write well enough to burden the world with their scribblings? It’s a mystery that badly needs solving. My first entry contains my thoughts about blogging and will set your expectations. The rest will probably be stream of consciousness garbage, much like you’ll find on any other blog. Perhaps we will both come away enlightened.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Revolution Resolution; Freedom to Unplug

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I, like millions of Americans, have a cell phone. I have your basic free with sign up cheapola get the job done Nokia. It's not slim and cute. It is not pink. Why? Because I bought my cell phone for emergencies. Not to take picures. Not to text message. Not to play videos. Not to email.

Let's take a moment to examine the definition of emergency, shall we?

What an emergency is NOT:

  • Sitting in traffic bored out of your mind.

  • Not being able to remember the name of that actress in that movie.
  • Wondering what your wife is cooking for dinner.

  • Needing to know if your divorced bff scored with that hot single doctor.

  • Your toddler pooping in the potty for the first time (this also applies to first word, first step, etc.)

  • Realizing your forgot to set the Tivo to record Desperate Housewives.

  • The overwhelming need to tell your spouse/SO how much you love them.

  • Split ends. Chipped Polish. Large Pores. (I promise, the salon will still be there when you get home)

What an Emergency IS:

  • Labor.

  • A drunk or unsafe driver.

  • An accident.

  • A stall, yours or that of another vehicle.

  • A crime in progress (an actual crime, not a crime of fashion).

  • Unforeseen circumstances resulting in no adult being present when your children
    arrive home from school.

  • Keys locked in car (assuming purse and cell phone are not also locked in car).

  • Child, pet or elderly person locked in car.

  • Being late for work.

  • Experiencing vomiting or explosive diahreah behind the wheel.

Seems pretty clear cut, but judging by the number of idiots driving around with the phone attached to their ear, apparently not.

I am thoroughly fed up with people driving down the road yakking their brains out, oblivious to the fact that they are behind the wheel of a two ton instrument of death. My children and I have had many close calls at the hands of such individuals. For that reason, I have become intolerant to the point that I will lay on the horn if I see people talking on their cell phone for an extended period of time, espeically if they are driving unsafely because of it. Metro Atlanta has some of the worst traffic in the nation and Metro motorists are making it worse by causing accidents that were completely avoidable by say...paying attention to the road.

Also, If you are conducting a conversation of an extremely personal nature in a public place, do not look at me as if I am intruding upon your conversation. This has happened to me any number of places, most recently yesterday, as I was perusing the eye creams in Target (I can't afford the ones that give a gal real hope).

Some woman was in the aisle discussing with another party the very personal issue of whether or not she should have a boob job and why. I was honestly trying not to hear. Perhaps some people are titillated by being privvy to the personal details of another person's life. I am not. It makes me extremely uncomfortable. I suppose that's why I dislike reality teleivision. It embarasses me. But she was making no effort to be discreet. There was no way I could escape knowing her tits were nearing her knees thanks to bearing that selfish bastard five children.

At one point, she gave me a scathing look and barked into her phone, "I'll call you back." She flipped it shut with a loud snap and shoved it back into her bag. The nerve of me trying to shop. In a store.

Also, if you are speaking to me and your cell phone rings. Don't answer it. Just don't. I don't care if it's the Dalai Llama calling to reassure you that you're not going to spend your next life as a Shihtzu. It's the height of rudeness. Also, don't answer it and say "Just a minute" and then look at me expectantly, in a way that is meant to convey I should wrap it up so you can take your call.

And I absolutely loathe those ear thingies. They are really quite ridiculous and pretentious. Is it necessary to conduct business while you're watching your kid play baseball? Are you THAT important? If you truly are, then surely you can pay someone to watch and give you a play by play synposis later. We (your son and I) certainly would not want to take you away from issues of such import that catastophe looms in your absense and disaster will surely strike without your involvement.

Where have our manners gone, people? Have cell phones rendered us completely devoid of common sense and courtesy? Is it really necessary to be available every single moment of the day? Why are we so compelled to be plugged in, turned on, and wired up? What has spawned this horror of missing something?

Guess what? I forget mine all the time. Sometimes, my battery runs out and I forget to recharge it for days. I don't have a car charger. Not once has this resulted in a calamity. Unless you count not realizing my family wishes me to stop for fast food a calamity. I'm sure they do.

Let's take back our personal time and interact with our families without interruption. Let's finish a meal, let's watch a movie without intermission, let's speak in complete sentences.

Just say no to cell.


  • At 5:29 PM, Blogger OhTheJoys said…

    Amens and hallelujahs!

  • At 6:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Very well said! My hubby does the horn thing too, so I got a little bit of a giggle when I read that you do that.
    I absolutely refuse to answer my phone while driving, that's why they have voice mail....duh. I figure that I lived 50 years without being in constant contact a few more minutes isn't going to kill me or whoever is calling.

  • At 7:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Wll put! I am right there with you! There have been so many times someone will say to me that they couldn't reach me on my cell phone(during the working day). I tell them I am home almost every night by 5 PM. My cell phone is for emergencies and convenience, not to extend my personal life beyond my house. BTW, I sometimes go days with a dead battery without even knowing it!

  • At 9:04 PM, Blogger Karen Bodkin said…

    I'm 100% with you. I don't even own a cell.

  • At 5:18 AM, Blogger JChevais said…

    In France it's a 1500 Euro fine for driving with a cell phone at your ear.

    I hate being reachable all the time. The pressure! But I'm glad I have it when an emergency comes up.

    Don't even get me started on technology. Cameras, phones that take pictures, ipods, portable video games/dvd players in the metro, skype, msn, webcams, arrggghhh!

  • At 7:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I agree. My peeve is people who talk on their cell phone while having dinner with another person in a restaurant while the other person just looks around awkwardly. The other person doesn't even have to be me. I just think it is so rude.

    Having said that, sometimes when we go to the zoo or out some place, Antique Daddy will wear a phone earpiece and listen in on a conference call. It makes it possible for him to get a bit more time with Sean and me away from his desk.

    I don't really like to talk on the phone. I like email. I say what I want and go away. Then when you feel like it, you say what you want and go away...

  • At 9:29 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Somebody needs to tell this to my husband. I interviewed for a job with a man who stuck his left hand out to shake my hand. It was such an awkward moment that he had to explain he didn't have the use of his right arm because he was in a rollover accident that he caused himself by reaching over to pick up the ringing cell phone that had dropped onto the passenger side floor of the car. He told me that now, his phone goes to voice mail in the car, and even those hands free devices aren't enough for him to talk on the phone while driving. That's a hard lesson to learn.

    Those ear things? Stupid. Especially when people use them as fashion accessories and status symbols. What they don't see is their status, at least to me, is lowered by those things. They cost too much money and look retarded in any and all situatoins.

  • At 10:23 AM, Blogger Slackermommy said…

    I hear ya! I don't get the little ear thingy. It makes people look like they're talking to themselves or worse I think they are talking to me and I join their conversation. What's the deal with pink phones? I've been reading a lot of negative comments about them. I have one and I'm feeling a little insecure.

  • At 11:41 AM, Blogger Chicky Chicky Baby said…

    The most action my cell phone sees these days is when my toddler pulls it out of my bag and starts playing with it. The battery hasn't been charged in weeks so it's not like she's going to call Thailand or anything.

    Although, what are your thoughts on toddlers always "on" the phone? :)

  • At 1:24 PM, Blogger Sandra said…

    Here here BA!

    I especially hate those ear thingys. Twice this week alone I thought someone was speaking to me when I didn't notice their ear piece. And I answered like the idiot I am.

    Great post. I love it when you get all fired up.

  • At 1:44 PM, Blogger Teacher lady said…

    APPLAUSE, APPLAUSE! I only use my cell phone for "emergencies" - it's rarely on - and I should probably tell people that. When folks call me on my cell when (or if) I call them back, I HATE the accusatory, "I called you on your cell phone, but it went straight to voice mail." And?!?! Who cares!? Like you said, if you're not seven kinds of bleeding from the head, it's okay if I call you back in a day or two or three. You can also e-mail me or call me on my home phone. Remember back in the OLDEN days before we even had ANSWERING MACHINES!?!?! Maybe techonology isn't necessarily advancing the species - maybe it's setting us back a couple of thousand years and two opposable thumbs. Sorry for hijacking your post.

  • At 6:27 PM, Blogger Denice said…

    I'm with you. My cell phone is for emergencies only. I got it after I got into an accident all by myself on a deserted country road and it was the middle of winter in Canada (so really freaking cold) and I decided that a cell phone might be nice to have. But I only turn it on when I want to use it, which is almost never. My husband doesn't even own one.


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