Blogs Are Stupid

Doesn't anyone believe in Dear Diary anymore? What happened to the joy of putting actual pen to paper? And why does every ordinary Jane and John think they can write well enough to burden the world with their scribblings? It’s a mystery that badly needs solving. My first entry contains my thoughts about blogging and will set your expectations. The rest will probably be stream of consciousness garbage, much like you’ll find on any other blog. Perhaps we will both come away enlightened.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Dear Christina Aguilera,

I'm not really a fan, but I am familiar with your work. In most cases, I find you pleasant enough to listen to. However, I do have a small request to make.

Respectfully, if you cannot sing in that key, reach that note, remember those words, or otherwise perform Christmas Carols exactly as they were written and as they have been performed for decades, and in some cases, centuries....

DON'T MAKE A CHRISTMAS ALBUM.

I am a traditionalist, you see, as are, I believe, most folks when it comes to Christmas carols. I do not believe these songs are improved by dubious vocal acrobatics, impressive though they undoubtedly are to your masses of adoring tone deaf fans. I do not believe that speaking, shouting or shrieking the lyrics to these songs is "innovative".

Let me do you a kindness and clue you in to the fact that you are not fooling anyone by changing the arrangement or the key. We are quite aware that the "fresh new spin" you put on our beloved carols is to disguise the fact that your voice is not up to the task of performing them.

Not that there is any shame in that. O Holy Night is an incredibly difficult piece to perform. Only people with true ability and competent instruction can pull it off, and let's just be honest...that eliminates about 98% of contemporary artists.

For an example of near perfect execution, please listen to John Berry sing O Holy Night. Really, his entire Christmas repertoire is flawless.



THAT is how to sing a Christmas Carol. Those little bumps on your skin? Those are goosepimples.

Thank You,

Sincerely,
A Godless Heathen who is inexplicably moved by Christcentric carols and who is not amused when they are bastardized by adolescent Poptarts.

10 Comments:

  • At 7:41 PM, Blogger Mom101 said…

    This letter does us all a great service. Thank you, oh Godless heathen! In fact, I wish she'd stop singing period but I suppose we should just start with the carols.

    Happy holidays to you and your brood if I don't make it back here in the next week. xo

     
  • At 9:47 PM, Blogger Oh, The Joys said…

    Christina who? Seriously.

     
  • At 10:16 PM, Blogger nina said…

    LOL! Why am I compelled to do my impersonation of Cher singing "Oh Holy Night"???

     
  • At 11:31 PM, Blogger deb said…

    What a beautiful voice he has, thanks for sharing it with me.

     
  • At 1:17 AM, Anonymous adam said…

    i respect your preference for traditionally performed Christmas songs, but i personally find them to be a bit bland and boring.

    i do own Christina's Christmas album and i have to say i love the vocals, and Oh Holy Night is actually one of the better ones on the album in my opinion.

    even if you do prefer this guy's version of it, i don't see how you could say someone like Christina doesn't have the ability to pull it off. Christina's version is far more difficult to sing than this one, so why would she have trouble pulling off a toned down version?

    but anyway, i just say if someone prefers traditional, then simply don't listen to albums or versions like the ones Christina recorded. but there are plenty of people who don't mind, or actually prefer, those over the traditional. there's no reason why there can't be a variety and everyone just choose what they like.

     
  • At 9:26 AM, Anonymous mamatulip said…

    I believe she prefers to be called "Xtina" now. Exteena.

    Yeah.

     
  • At 8:45 PM, Anonymous Deanna (Domestic Chicky) said…

    Ever since I had kids, Chirstmas Carols have been endowed with the ability to turn me into a mass of teary goo.

    Especially this one.

    Especially sung as well as this...thank you for sharing!

     
  • At 2:17 PM, Blogger BethGo said…

    Wow! You took the words right out of my mouth-only you said it much better than I ever could. Thank you.
    Christina, please listen. She speaks the truth.

     
  • At 6:02 PM, Blogger Lisa said…

    I agree with you! Although, I do love Josh Groban's version of the song. It is a hard one, to be sure.

     
  • At 10:16 PM, Anonymous Shannon said…

    Just found you through oh, the joys - that last paragraph is sheer art....

     

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