Blogs Are Stupid

Doesn't anyone believe in Dear Diary anymore? What happened to the joy of putting actual pen to paper? And why does every ordinary Jane and John think they can write well enough to burden the world with their scribblings? It’s a mystery that badly needs solving. My first entry contains my thoughts about blogging and will set your expectations. The rest will probably be stream of consciousness garbage, much like you’ll find on any other blog. Perhaps we will both come away enlightened.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

I'm Just Sayin'

I am a chronic and lifelong insomniac. Last night I think I slept for a total of 16 minutes. When that happens, I am rendered completely incapable of abstract thought, not to mention the ability to string words together coherently. In addition, I seem to be hitting a little bit of a dry spell, creatively speakin. Thus, my offering today is really just banal fluff. These are snippets of thought, information, and experience that I fully intended to turn into a real blog entry, but just can't seem to, either because they aren't substantive enough, or because I can't seem to manufacture enough cohesiveness to constitute an actual piece. So, with that in mind....

One should not eat an entire jar of bleu cheese stuffed olives right before bed. Especially not if one has GERD. Pro: Low fat, low carb, low cal. Con: Heartburn from hell. Heeeeere's your sign, B.A.

Who actually uses the purple and blue Christmas bows? I have scads of them left over from the 27 multi-color bags I must buy every year to get enough of the red, green and gold. Why don't I just throw them away????? I am tired of being exploited by the bow people. I demand single color bags!!

The bottom of our Christmas tree has been stripped bare of candy canes by my eight month old kitten who seems to believe that the tree was erected for his personal enjoyment. I am led to wonder if I inadvertantly purchased some kind of salmon flavored gourmet variety of cane.

I must have said candy canes all facing the same direction. Husband the the boys think this is completely irrational of me. They think it is great fun to turn one the wrong way and see how long it takes me to notice.

Reheated seafood Alfredo smells like feet.

I adore OPI polish. My favorite is "Don't Be Koi With Me" which is an outrageously bright coral. I bought two new shades called "Redipus Oedipus" and "Don't Socratease Me" just because I liked the names.

Yes, I am an unabashed product whore.

I am currently addicted to vanilla scents. I have every imagineable household and personal care product under the sun in vanilla.

Ebay used to be a fabulous way to get a good deal. Now, not so much. What is up with sellers charging $15 to ship a tablecloth? And who pays that? And why are people willing to spend twice the retail value for a piece of used clothing?

I used to be sad about not having a girl and being able to fix her hair. My boys have decided to grow their hair long, and now I must style Pre-Pubescent one's hair each morning. What a pain in the rear end.

What is the appeal of backing into a parking space? Is it really that much of a time saver?

I think I got a traffic ticket yesterday. I am a very conscientious driver and it pisses me off. I couldn't see because of sun glaring directly in my face. I honestly thought the traffic cop was motioning me to go. She wasn't. By the time I realized she wasn't, I was in the middle of the road. What did she expect me to do?? Sit there and block traffic? I had to complete my turn. She whipped out her little pad. I suspect that the mailman will be bringing me something special in a week or two. I plan to take PPO and his friend to court with me as witnesses. I think it will be a valuable learning experience.

Pre-Pubescent One is not enthusiastic about that.

Diminutive One has joined Chess club. Some kid told him only dorks play Chess. I told him that only dumb kids make fun of smart kids. I feel a little bad about that. But not bad enough to take it back.

Each morning, I drive PPO and his friends to school an hour early to play intramurals. I let them plug in their iPods and listen to music of their choosing. I let them crank it up really loud. They think this is unbelievably cool of me. Sometimes, it's ridiculously easy to score points with them.

Yesterday, while driving Diminutive One to his weekly appointment, we had two close calls on the interstate and witnessed several others. Instead of the spewing profanities as I did to prior to having children, I now opt to cast aspersions upon the intelligence of the offending driver. This prompted Diminutive One to remark earnestly, "Geez Mom! You must be the only smart driver in the whole city!" Why yes, yes I am. And thank you for noticing.

A dear friend of mine who happens to be a Lesbian recently said to me after a disappointing dating experience, "Why do I like women? I don't even like women." There are women I encounter daily who cause me to closely identify with that sentiment.

V.C. Andrews is a horrible, horrible writer. My MIL gave me one pf her latest books, and out of desperation, I read it. I feel dirty.

I recently got my first pervy Google search on my statcounter. "I had sex with my Mom." Ew. Leave it to me go get something like that, rather than the standard pervy stuff like "anal sex lovers". I feel dirty.

I just watched the video of Jessica Simpson's flub at the Kennedy Center Honors. That jerking thing she does while she's singing reminds of Elaine Bennis dancing.

Dolly Parton looks like the joker, poor thing. I really liked her back in the day.

So there you go. I hope you enjoyed it. I think I'm going to go take a nap.

8 Comments:

  • At 2:15 PM, Blogger ewe are here said…

    A mish-mash of stuff can be fun!

    --I use lots of purple and blue (and silver) Christmas bows. I like the pile of gifts that I put out to stand out from the red and green and gold stuff everyone else has. ;-)

    --Of course candy canes should all 'face' the same direction! We must have candy cane order!

    --Ooh, Opi polish. Must re-paint toes tonight!

    --Ah, people who do this are trying to cut Ebay out of the loop on profits. Ebay doesn't get a cut of 'shipping and handling' costs, so people will sell something for 99cents and charge 20 bucks to send it for this reason.

    --I think traffic jams often do better without the traffic cops.

    --VC Andrews' books are rather pervy and creepy. No thank you.

    ;-)

     
  • At 4:26 PM, Blogger Mamma said…

    I totally agree on the direction of the candy canes.

    Same here with OPI polish. I'm loving the new Big Apple Red. I'm Really Not a Waitress is my favorite of the names.

    So happy you mentioned the backing into parking spaces. I just don't get it. My bosses are both backing in folks. Are you really that tired at the end of the day? Maybe it has something to do with me not being a morning person.

    I worry about women not standing up for each other...but sometimes it's hard.

    VC Andrews is dead, she died a long time ago. They are all ghost written now. I read them when I was in highschool. Back then dirty was fun.

    Yesterday I had a horde of google searches resulting in my blog--my personal favorite? www.mommalovescock.com. What a disappointment my blog must have been to the surfers!

     
  • At 7:25 PM, Anonymous Jennifer O. said…

    My husband always backs into parking spaces and our garage. It annoys me so much. I have no idea what the point is and he can't explain it beyond "it's better".

    Also I saw a picture of Dolly from that show and was horrified how fake she looks. Why do people think that looks better than aging gracefully?

     
  • At 8:18 PM, Blogger Oh, The Joys said…

    I'm having this kind of day too, but my reflections were all totally gross and not postable... ponderings like, "Why even eat corn," etc. Ugh.

    Rest for the weary now!

     
  • At 9:08 PM, Blogger MrsFortune said…

    I like your randomness. :-) Salmon flavored candy canes? Ooh, sign me up for some of that. Just kidding. I, too, adore Opi polish. I go straight for the opi rack when I go get the nails done.

    I like blue and purple Christmas bows. Don't hate me.

     
  • At 9:58 PM, Blogger Mrs. Chicky said…

    Mamma beat me to my comment about VC Andrews. But I second the whole "back in high school dirty was fun" thing.

    And I'm with you on the purple and blue Christmas bow issue. I never use them unless I'm using blue/snowflake wrapping paper. I don't think I have ever used a purple one.

     
  • At 8:56 AM, Anonymous Andrea said…

    Oh, no, you poor thing. Insomnia is awful. I hope you find something to help you get some sleep soon.

    re: backing into parking spaces. It's supposed to be safer; you have a better field of vision when you pull out and are less likely to run over any small pedestrians. Not that I ever actually back into a spot. Well, rarely.

     
  • At 1:32 PM, Anonymous Gurukarm said…

    OK, I can address the backing into parking spaces for you. My dad ALWAYS said backing in was safer (when you're leaving the space, at least!) and so I learned to do that.

    Had a recent experience that bore that out, too - I was backing out of a space I'd driven into, and all of a sudden - CLUNK! - I'd hit a woman - or she hit me, one - who was backing out directly across from me. Luckily no damage, and she was relaxed about it - we mutually decided neither one of us had been looking well enough, our bumpers just needed a good clean-off, and we were fine with it. Thank goodness!

    But it reinforced my old habit of starting to back in when possible - it does feel safer to see where I'm going when I'm stuck between 2 huge SUVs w/my little ol' PT Cruiser, too!

    So. There you go. :-)

     

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