I find myself strangely and strongly affected by Anna Nicole's death.
I feel a deep sadness that isn't really typical for me. I'm not one of those people who feels as if celebrities are my friends. I don't feel like I know them, and I don't often identify with them.
Because even if they grew up in less than optimal circumstances, their celebrity has changed their lives so drastically that they have lost touch with the struggles, the heartache, and the trauma that many of us face every day. Most of them are so accostomed to having ridiculous amounts of money and being catered to in every respect, that their sense of reality and identity is completely warped.
Take Oprah, for example.
She may act as though she can still relate to the women she exploits for ratings, but the minute the camera stops rolling, she's all...."Girl, get me some Purell, I got to get this poor off my hands." And do not ask the woman to eat a chitlin. There is not enough mayonnaise in the free world to cover up that kind of nasty and Oprah's snootified pallette knows it.
I think she was more genuine when she was fat. At least then one could believe that she had a cross to bear like the rest of us. Now the woman has enough money to accomplish anything she desires with minimal effort. Hack off a haunch, staple an organ...whatever. And because of this, she lacks the humanity that she had in her early days, as do most celebrities.
The point is...I shouldn't feel so sad about Anna Nicole. She was nobody to me.
But I am sad.
Because beneath the huge boobs and the platinum blonde hair, the party girl antics and the very studied and artful vacuousness, there was a curious innocence that was entirely unaffected. She was a lost little girl who really believed in happily ever after and spent her whole life chasing it.
I've known woman like Anna in real life; attention seekers extraordinaire. And though we might think that they have an over inflated ego and sense of importance, the opposite is actually true. They are people who have been told time and again that they are worthless, useless, insignificant, ugly. They have been conditioned by a life of neglect, abuse or maybe just simple apathy, to expect nothing because they deserve nothing.
I think she really did love billionaire Howard. I think he made her feel safe and cared for. I think she had Daddy issues in a big way, and billionaire Howard filled a very deep yearning in her. When he was gone, there was nobody left to give her any security or purpose or value.
I think Anna's whole life and death, can be attributed to one very simple thing. Anna courted fame for one reason and one reason only. She needed to be loved.
People...the way we raise our girls has consequences. We cannot abuse, abandon, belittle and deride them without ill effect. We cannot let them believe that their worth lies in their beauty and sexual allure without thoroughly sabotoging their sense of self. We cannot allow others to prey upon them without creating lifelong victimhood.
I won't let anybody hurt you Anna.
You are smart and beautiful and special Anna.
I'm proud of you Anna.
I love you Anna.
Would these words have made a difference in her life?
Was there anybody who loved Anna for herself and not because of what she could do for them?
Daniel did. And that's why she was so completely devastated by his loss.
Anna didn't die because lawyer Howard kept her drugged out of her mind and dependant on him to procure the drugs her body craved. Anna didn't die because of an infection caused by botched plastic surgery. Anna didn't die from a heart attack precipitated by the diet drugs she was taking. She didn't die of any one of the numerous theories that are being wildly circulated.
Anna died of not being loved.
I guess my sadness then, is not for the woman Anna had become, but for the woman she could have been.
Don't let this happen to another generation of girls. It's really pretty easy to prevent.
I won't let anybody hurt you.
You are smart and beautiful and special.
I'm proud of you.
I love you.
Rest in peace if you can, Anna.