Blogs Are Stupid

Doesn't anyone believe in Dear Diary anymore? What happened to the joy of putting actual pen to paper? And why does every ordinary Jane and John think they can write well enough to burden the world with their scribblings? It’s a mystery that badly needs solving. My first entry contains my thoughts about blogging and will set your expectations. The rest will probably be stream of consciousness garbage, much like you’ll find on any other blog. Perhaps we will both come away enlightened.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Only Words

I am a kept woman.

I suppose this term has fallen out of favor in the last century or so, but whatever the currently accepted cultural vernacular, the meaning is unchanged. The fact is, I am completely dependant upon my husband for my survival and that of my children.

This is not news to me, of course.

I entered into this arrangement voluntarily, fully cognizant of the position I would be putting myself in. I was acutely aware that I would be rendering myself invisible to and seperate from those who are publicly perceived as worthy, useful and significant people.

But my husband is a rare sort; one who believes quite earnestly in the value of and wisdom of my choices, whatever they may be. He has never dictated to me the kind of wife and mother that I should be. He has never attempted to define my role according to his own standards or societal ideals. He simply waited for me to make my choice, and then supported me. And he has continued to do so throughout our thirteen years of marriage.

As a result, I have always felt undeniably equal in our relationhip. I have never felt diminished. I have never felt unimportant. I have never felt irrelevant.

Well, for the most part. There are those days when doubt comes creeping in and I begin to think that surely I was meant to do more. But those days are often balanced by moments of startling clarity, wherein the value of my choices becomes abundantly clear.

But in terms of practical matters, it can sometimes present a problem. Gift giving for example. I do not begrudge my husband gifts. On the contrarty. He rarely, if ever, buys anything for himself and when he does, it is most likely something that we can all enjoy. There are any number of things he wants and deserves. The question of what, is not a question at all.

But no matter what the gift, be it simple or extravagant, it will be paid for out of his own pocket. So the charm and excitement of a well chosen gift is, for me, somewhat mitigated by that.

But I do have one thing that is truly my own to give him. Words. Words are my currency, and I can lavish them upon him with no fear of overexpenditure or indebtedness.

Today is not only Valentine's Day, but also the anniversary of the day that he proposed to me 14 years ago. For everyone else, it's just another Valentine's Day, but for us, its a day to remember a promise, a leap of faith and a beginning.

For Us

I was not looking, but you found me.
I was not in distress but you rescued me.
I was not in pieces but you unified me
I was not bereft, but you heartened me
I was not suffering but you succored me
I was not faltering but you sustained me
I was not languishing but you revived me
I was not alone, but you completed me
I was not unloved, but you cherished me


And you love me still though I am not the woman you married in body or in spirit. We have grown up together, you and I. We have laughed, cried, feared and raged together. We have brought children into this world, and fumbled through the raising of them, united in the awe of their existence. And now, together, we venture into the next phase of our life.

We are no longer a young couple with small children. Who are we then?

It hits me sometimes, that we are that couple everyone talks about, everyone admires. We are that couple that will grow old together. And when we are old and wrinkled and gray, we will still touch each other, though perhaps the ardor will have cooled into the simple and innocent need to feel unalone. And when one of us breathes our last... it will only be a temporary disruption...a mere inconvenience. The one who is left behind will simply bide until we are one again; confident, eager. And the final line in the poetry of our life will read....

I was not going but you beckoned me.
And I went because I love you.

Happy Valentine's Beginning Day, my lover, my friend, my forever.

12 Comments:

  • At 6:02 PM, Blogger Mamma said…

    And those words are more lovely than any material gift could ever be!

    What you do with the language is simply art.

    Enjoy your celebration!

     
  • At 6:39 PM, Blogger Mrs. Chicky said…

    Wonderful words for a wonderful man (or so he seems by your description). I hope you both have a great valentine's day.

     
  • At 7:23 PM, Blogger mamatulip said…

    Okay, seriously? I am crying. That was the most beautiful thing I have ever read from a wife to her husband.

     
  • At 7:57 PM, Anonymous Kvetch said…

    That was so beautiful it didn't make me gag. Well, I'm the single cynic over here when it comes to happily ever after and love...but you got me. You, and your hubbie seem to have what they call "the real thing." Bravo!!!!

     
  • At 8:07 PM, Blogger Oh, The Joys said…

    That just rips the guts right out of the commercial holiday and leaves something entirely other - something much more perfect.

     
  • At 8:56 PM, Blogger Rock the Cradle said…

    You are rich with words, my friend.

    Happy Beginning Day to you both.

     
  • At 7:34 AM, Blogger Fairly Odd Mother said…

    This was beautiful and priceless. Thanks for sharing it.

     
  • At 9:44 AM, Anonymous Andrea said…

    Stunningly beautiful. All the more so for the relationship that sparked it.

     
  • At 10:26 AM, Blogger Rebecca said…

    I am left breathless.



    *PS, but not so breathless to overlook the kissy lips. I LOVE THEM.

     
  • At 12:10 PM, Blogger Natalie said…

    That is beautiful. Congratulations on your wonderful family.

     
  • At 4:39 PM, Blogger Kevin Charnas said…

    OH man...that got me. You bugger...my eyes are leaking.

    whew.

     
  • At 5:23 PM, Blogger luckyzmom said…

    Incredibly beautifully written. So, wish I could find better words.

     

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