Blogs Are Stupid

Doesn't anyone believe in Dear Diary anymore? What happened to the joy of putting actual pen to paper? And why does every ordinary Jane and John think they can write well enough to burden the world with their scribblings? It’s a mystery that badly needs solving. My first entry contains my thoughts about blogging and will set your expectations. The rest will probably be stream of consciousness garbage, much like you’ll find on any other blog. Perhaps we will both come away enlightened.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Real Moms Eat Pussy

Got your attention? Good.

The lovely Mrs.Chicky tagged me for a meme. Normally, I turn up my nose at memes. I’m not much of a joiner and I really am not what you would call a team player. I can do it, and quite well, but my natural inclination is always to strike out on my own, forge my own path, create my own destiny.

But the topic of this meme struck me as really important. Because we all have this idea of what we as Mothers should do, and be, and aspire to. If we don’t live up to that standard we consider ourselves failures. But many of the mothering ideals that we try to conform to are unrealistic and even destructive because they propose a one size fits all approach to parenting. I won’t go into all the reasons why this is an exercise in madness and futility….that’s another post for another day.

What I really wanted to do is address the issue of what Real Moms are in a way that means something. I began to consider all the traps that we Moms fall into, believing that we are unworthy or unfit or undeserving of the title.

My dear friend Nina came to mind.

Nina is a wonderful Mother. She is the light of so many lives; the calm in the storm of adolescence for her older children, a ray of sunshine and mirth maker for her younger. She always puts her children first. She is their champion and their friend.

Recently, Nina has come out as a gay woman after many, many years of trying to live up to society’s view of what is acceptable, moral, and appropriately representative of the American ideal.

I can scarcely fathom the courage that must have taken, or the terror she must have felt at leaving everything that was comfortable and safe behind.

Who Nina is has not changed. Not really. Not as a person, not as a mother.

Nina has shown her children that it is not only okay be true to who you are, it is vitally important. She has embraced that which has marked her as different and by doing so, Nina has exemplified strength, courage and honesty for them.

But there are certain factions who would now denounce her adequacy, competency and value as a parent. There are certain factions who would take away her right to be a mother, and deny it others like her. There are certain factions who believe that simply by virtue of her sexual orientation, she is undeserving and unfit.

This, of course, is pure inimical bullshit.

I know plenty of heterosexual men and women who harbor a perversion of the soul. I know Christian folks who are morally corrupt and patently evil. I know people who are accepted by every societal standard as normal who are anything but.

It’s sheer lunacy to assign parenting worth or ability based on sexual orientation.

My personal tastes run more to the mainstream, but I’m certainly not going to hold myself in higher esteem as a parent because I prefer tubesteak to taco.

So the next time you see a same sex couple pushing a stroller or a swing...don’t look away. Make eye contact. Smile. And ask them about their baby or their child. Acknowledge them as peers and compatriots. Because society has tried to negate their validity on every level, when in some ways, they have more to offer than we do. Who better to teach a child about tolerance, acceptance, and unconditional love than someone who has been denied it?

Real Moms eat pussy. Thank goodness.

I tag Nina.

26 Comments:

  • At 12:32 PM, Blogger Mrs. Chicky said…

    I knew you wouldn't let me down. This was a great post. Real women can choose between hot dogs or tacos. The important word there being "choose".

    Best to your friend!

     
  • At 1:16 PM, Blogger Oh, The Joys said…

    [I am pumping my fist in the air, yelling "VIVA LA ANTAGONISTA!!!"]

     
  • At 2:57 PM, Blogger Fairly Odd Mother said…

    What someone prefers sexually has so little to do with the kind of parent they are that it is amazing to me that there are people who would say otherwise.

    Your take on this meme may be my favorite so far b/c it truly does say that "real moms" are not to be pigeonhold into some societal notion of the 'right' way to mother. In other words, Fuck "Real" Moms.

     
  • At 4:34 PM, Blogger Six Green Zebras said…

    I'm blessed to be friends with Nina as well, and if I can be half the mother to my son as she has been to her children...well, he'd be one lucky boy.

    Well said, BA, well said.

     
  • At 8:46 PM, Blogger Ruth Dynamite said…

    Pfew! I was about to call Animal Control.

     
  • At 11:08 PM, Blogger jen said…

    I am SO loving this post. I am so loving it.

    Yes, sister. YES.

     
  • At 7:28 AM, Blogger Pendullum said…

    Beautiful was what I first wrote and then saw Mrs. Chicky's comment...Real woman can choose between hotdogs or tacos...I have never heard of that before and I laughed... and beauitful seemed so 'corny' after that..

     
  • At 8:20 AM, Blogger mamatulip said…

    DAMN RIGHT.

     
  • At 10:25 AM, Blogger Natalie said…

    It really confuses me that people would think sexuality impacts parenting. Unfortunately too many people still think people will "turn their kids gay". It makes no sense. I have seen so many same sex couples who have it together and are fantastic parents. Great post.

     
  • At 12:47 PM, Blogger gingajoy said…

    I've been struggling with what to do with this meme--how to do it without being exclusionary, that is (or essentialist).

    this post is brilliant. i wish I could hijack it.

     
  • At 4:44 PM, Blogger Lucy's Mom said…

    Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. As a lesbian, a mother, a woman who has raised 3 children, and half of a long term same sex partnership, it is so refreshing to see the truth written by someone who is not gay. Sexual orientation has absolutely NOTHING to do with whether or not a person is a good parent. A-B-S-O-L-U-T-E-L-Y N-O-T-H-I-N-G!! Thanks for having the courage to say so. And, by the way, I LOVE your heading.

    One other thought to those who may not agree, if you think that gay couples raise gay children (which of course they do not)then what kind of parents raise straight children? I am an oh-so-typical lesbian woman and last time I checked, my parents were straight.

     
  • At 4:15 AM, Blogger luckyzmom said…

    I would like to be you when I grow up so I could express my thoughts as well as you always seem able to do.

     
  • At 4:54 AM, Blogger Sandra said…

    I love that you took a meme like this and turned it into such a smart, strong, advocacy piece.

    I have several friends who are Lesbian women and it is irrelevant to their wonderful ability to parent. As irrelevant as if someone eats sushi or not.

    Well said BA!

     
  • At 10:01 AM, Anonymous www.nolanotes.com said…

    Your blog never disappoints. LOVE it!

     
  • At 10:55 AM, Blogger Kevin Charnas said…

    RIGHT FUCKING ON!!!

    RIGHT ON.

     
  • At 2:55 PM, Blogger Andie D. said…

    Real moms eat pussy indeed!

    It almost seems like a "Duh!" that one's sexual orientation has no bearing on his or her ability to be a good parent. At least to me or people like me.

    It's hard for me to understand the faction who believe otherwise. And I LOVE the point that Lucy's Mom made about gay parents raising gay children. I don't know any gay people with parents who are also gay. One thing does not have to do with another.

     
  • At 8:38 PM, Blogger deb said…

    When I was growing up we would go and visit Auntie Ethel and Toni. Toni was short for Antoinette. We never thought anything of it, didn't think it was unusual. It was just never an issue in our house. Auntie Ethel's a lesbian, so what?
    It was a wonderful post. And for the "Christian's" who have a problem with homsexuality, I don't think our souls have a gender, we love who we love.

     
  • At 1:06 PM, Blogger Rock the Cradle said…

    Oh yes yes yes.

    And I am SO frustrated that we are STILL at a point where gay parenting is an issue. There are great parents, and parents who suck, and a whole lot who fall in between the two. All shades, all sexes, all sexual orientations. It. Doesn't. Matter.

    Love, security, and trust. These things matter.

    Hope Nina gives you the ok, because now I am totally curious and want to see her site.

     
  • At 3:39 PM, Blogger lildb said…

    tubesteak v taco. that's my new favorite way of framing said debate.

    as in, yes, it is A FUCKING RIDICULOUS DEBATE.

    thanks for this post.

     
  • At 12:04 PM, Blogger nina said…

    TAG me baby! I love you...its no secret...ooops maybe it is... hahahahahaha! my apologies to the husband.

    I have just come off of a 6 hour essay about my lost first love... I feel as if someone ran over me with a car and then backed up (over me again) just to make sure they did indeed hit a lesbian. Then after rifling through my wallet and seeing my autographed picture of Melissa Etheridge and my official "Yep! Its Tacos for me!" card. They calmly got back into their car and ran over me again... probably on their way to have a hot dog or something...

    But we lesbians bounce...much like bumbles do... after all the last thing we need to do is sink into obscurity. I refuse (at least on good days) to be the poster child for the "natural descent into hell" of "those gay people". btw, here in Idaho "those gay people" is spoken in a whisper...shhhhhhhh!

    I love you BA. Let me ruminate a bit on the poetic nature of eating pussy. Trust me. Poetry abounds...

    grin

     
  • At 6:05 PM, Blogger nina said…

    I had the chance to gather thoughts....none of which really has anything to do with the actual ACT of eating pussy....but I do realize that meme's are by nature morphed a bit by each writer bring their own thoughts to the table. Hievah... never to be one to disappoint... here is a poem about such pleasure, I do hope you enjoy it.

    Beautiful Woman

    Beautiful woman
    I feel you standing on the edge of my someday.


    Beautiful woman
    I long to quicken your heart with my kiss, pressing my face against
    your cheek to let your breath spill across my skin.

    Beautiful woman
    I yearn to sail away in your sunset filled with deep pinks and glistening golds,
    drown in your waters with the taste of your ocean on my lips.


    Beautiful woman
    Lift your eyes as I pass by, perhaps I am the one dancing on the edge of your someday.

    ~nina~

     
  • At 6:31 PM, Blogger Her Bad Mother said…

    TOO AWESOME, you. Too awesome.

    Real moms celebrate moms who eat pussy.

     
  • At 3:02 PM, Blogger Mrs. Chicken said…

    Totally effing amazing. Bravo!

     
  • At 3:54 PM, Blogger Kelly said…

    I knew there was a reason I stopped by this blog...

    Ya gotta love an entry with 'pussy' in the title, and the content? Even better.

     
  • At 8:11 PM, Anonymous Michelle said…

    nasty post and nasty title

    gay people shouldn't decieve straight people into marrying them...that's despicable whether gay or straight...and no excuse whatsoever

     
  • At 6:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    So do real dads eat fish?

     

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