Blogs Are Stupid

Doesn't anyone believe in Dear Diary anymore? What happened to the joy of putting actual pen to paper? And why does every ordinary Jane and John think they can write well enough to burden the world with their scribblings? It’s a mystery that badly needs solving. My first entry contains my thoughts about blogging and will set your expectations. The rest will probably be stream of consciousness garbage, much like you’ll find on any other blog. Perhaps we will both come away enlightened.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

A Boil on the Ass of Humanity

You know what really pisses me off?

Spam.

Spam makes me see red. I feel violated. And indignant. Aside from the fact that I am being solicited in my own home, on my own computer screen, and there's not a damn thing I can do to stop it except to set my filters on high alert and hope for the best.... it is the something for nothingness of it that makes me so angry.

Easy money is an attractive prospect and I suppose, to be completely honest, if I were presented with an opportunity that would garner a hefty profit with minimum expenditure of time and effort, I might be tempted as well. Just keepin it real, as Randy would say.

But I would draw the line at bilking honest hard working people out of their money. I would never prey upon the innocence, ignorance or trust of others.

The penis enlargement and weight loss and hot stock tip stuff annoys me, but I am not being personally harmed by it. I usually just roll my eyes, make some profane comment under my breath and move on.

It's the scam spam that really makes my blood boil.

Now you and I, and probably 99% of the internet surfing population knows that there is no guy in Mumbai being held as a political dissident whose fortune is tied up in an offshore account that he cannot access, and whose wife and children will surely die of starvation or be executed as accomplices to his crimes of sedition unless you, a person he does not know, send money immediately to grease the wheels of a corrupt government.

But there must be some people out there falling for it, or we wouldn't all still be getting this garbage in our inboxes every day. There MUST be people out there who have actually given money to these internet charlatans.

I reply to these kinds of emails with the following:

"You are a boil on the ass of humanity."

Yes, it's childish and pointless, but it makes me feel better.

Recently, I received another interesting proposal, one I hadn't seen before. Basically, it was a banking scheme that promised to net me $5,000 in 30 days, with an investment of only $150.

Honestly, I don't know what posessed me....but I decided to forego my standard boil/ass response and instead sent the following reply:

Hello and Yes! I am being very interested! Please to send me additional informations. I am needing informations in different language being Hungarian. The English is not being very strong in me yet.

Thanking you!

Gregor Hrbezsky


I received a reply within mere MOMENTS of sending my email. It was not one, but FIVE emails, flooding me with forms, anonymous "bank statements" as proof of how well the system works, offers for free inclusion in other schemes, and of course, requests for personal information. Here is what I received:

Email #1:

Dear Gregor,

First thanks for requesting to be put in this incredible system that will enable you to begin to receive $5000 in the next 30 days without advertising, recruiting or selling via the unique share the wealth program.

Here is how it works. We will process your application with the companies that are looking for people to sponsor in this unique program. Our success rate is between 3-5 companies for every 20 we contact. So you are looking at a minimum of 3 companies you will receive income from.

As a participant your only task will be to register at the sites,open a paypal account if you don't have one and a checking or savings account. Many of the companies will transfer your checks to your bank account via electronic banking daily. You may wish to inform your bank that you could have a lot of deposits that will be sent.

At the end of each week you will send us via email or fax a printout of the orders received for the week along with 50% of each payment received. That's the program in nutshell. At the end of a year you can opt out and keep all the profits from the companies.

Like we stated in the literature this program is not widely known. However more and more people are starting to hear about it. The time to get in is now. The success has been overwhelming. People are earning thousands of dollars daily. Naturally they're not going to continue to let people in at no cost. Your life is going to take a serious financial change in the next 30 days. Here is what you need to do.

We have sent you a non-complete agreement to complete via separate email. Fill it out and return in the amount of $150 payable to the associate listed below. Upon receipt of your payment and the agreement we will email you the remaining forms and arrange your participation with the companies. The products will range from home income opportunities to the latest soft wares.

The nice thing about this program is you don't have to worry whether or not it will sell or promotion of any kind. The product is already generating thousands monthly. You will simply be plugging into the system. If you do not have the agreement by the time you get this please email us so we can resend it.

Welcome To The Team!




Please make your check or money order in the amount of $150 payable to your associate mentor R. Floyd 2375 E Tropicana Las Vegas, NV 89119. Fill out the form below and email back to us at the address below. Upon receipt of your payment the remaining forms will be sent to you and the participating companies will be contacted_________

Name__________________________________Email__________


Email this form back to us at vacation1084@yahoo.com



Email #2

Copy of this month's earnings from $5,000 in thirty days program: "Lori"














Here is a copy of this months earnings. These are daily deposits. Please confirm

Thanks


Email #3

CONFIDENTIALITY AND NON COMPETE AGREEMENT
This Agreement will confirm our mutual understand in connection with
NON-CIRCUMVENTION, NON-DISCLOSURE, NON-COMPETE AGREEMENTS

We the undersigned parties below hereby agree as follows:

(1) We the undersigned(also referred herein as "the Parties") hereby mutually and irrevocably agree not to divulge each other's named sources, principals, clients, agents, brokers, associates, suppliers, vendors or proprietary sources to other parties not directly involved in any current and future transactions, and not to circumvent either directly or indirectly the relationship that each party has with the named sources, principals,clients, agents, brokers, associates, suppliers, vendors or proprietary sources of any type.

(2) By signature below and acceptance of this agreement, each of the named signatories, separately and individually, and their associates confirm that any corporation, firm, organization, company or individual of which the signatories are party to, member of principal agent for, employee of or otherwise would benefit financially from an association, is bound by this agreement.

(3) All information relating to the relationship between the parties or proprietary information shall be deemed confidential except when that information is used for the purposes outlined in the contract between the parties.

(4) This agreement is to be applied to any and all transactions entertained by signatories including subsequent sales, renewals, extensions, renegotiation's, additions, or any other third party agreement of same including transactions which involve parent, subsidiary and or companies or entities. It also covers the initial transaction and future transactions regardless of the success of the project.

(5) Any controversy or claim arising out of , or relating to this agreement or breech thereof, shall be settled in accordance with the American Arbitration Association, with hearings to take place at a mutually agreeable time and place. Any judgment by the arbitrator(s) may be entered in any court having jurisdiction thereof including the award to the aggrieved signatory (y/ies), their heirs, and/or designees, such award being related to the renumeration received as a result of business conducted with parties, and other charges and damages deemed fair by the arbitrator(s)

(6) This agreement shall be binding on the parties hereto, their principals, employees, representatives, agents, assigns, consultants, heirs, successors, clients, associates, contacts, suppliers or other outside parties pertaining to present or future business and/or contacts and proprietary information.

(7) It is understood that this agreement is a reciprocal one between all of the signatories concerning their privileged information, contacts and proprietary systems or tools.

(8) It is understood that the individuals named below will share in the monthly profits derived from participation in said project 50/50. It is further understood that the funds required to participate in said project will be provided by the principal listed below. If for any reason the principal can not provide funding or said project does not materialize the undersigned initial investment of $150 will be refunded.


AGREED AND ACCEPTED ON_______________________________(DATE)




Company Agent Name
Address
City
State
Zip
Phone


Signature_______________________

Your
Signature___________________________________

Your
Name
Address
City
State
Zip
Phone

Please read, complete, date & sign this form and email back to:vacation1084@yahoo.com or mail to R Floyd 2375 E Tropicana Las Vegas, NV 89119 A signed copy will be sent to you by return mail
Email #4

This is yours free when you order the $5000 in 30 day program. Please complete and email back to me.


Name______________________Email___________________________



Do NOT Buy Another Lottery Ticket (or play one more game) Until You Have Our Brand NEW System in Your Hands That Will Reveal The Incredible ¡¦
"LOTTO FLAW"

Dear Friend (and Fellow Lotto Player):
If you are presently playing the daily (or weekly) games without the benefit of having the incredible "Lotto Flaw" on your side, then YOU ARE MISSING OUT ON A LOT OF ACTION!

The "Flaw" as it is known in educated circles will provide you with just the "edge" that you need - a surprising advantage to cashing ticket after ticket of pure winners. When all is said and done, the "Flaw" is like a gift-horse staring you right in the face. This is a simple NO-NONSENSE approach to picking a spectacular string of winning tickets in virtually ANY numbers game.

BUT HOW DOES IT ALL REALLY WORK ??
Everyone, including you, who has ever played the lottery has likely run into "the flaw" but up until no, it has never been exposed. We are privileged to report the results - that several lotto experts have recently exposed the code to "crack" the flaw. It is based on the reaction between special identifier and trigger numbers in drawn sequence.

Let me explain. The identifier numbers tell us what numbers to play next. BUT, it is the trigger number that actually set off the identifier number - causing an explosive reaction that could result in your winning tickets. These revealing trigger and identifier numbers explain when certain digits should ALWAYS be played in the next drawing - and just as important - which numbers to avoid!

Now, These experts ran a test using 2,190 numeric combinations to create an accurate back-test data base. AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY FOUND? In a random sample of only 542 combinations, the "Flaw" identified 177 sets correctly! That is an unbelievably mind-boggling success rate! In fact - NO OTHER SYSTEM WE KNOW OF COULD EVEN COME "CLOSE" TO THIS PHENOMENAL SUCCESS RATE!

So when you apply the system in real life, we are talking about cashing in more winning tickets that you may have ever thought possible! You will now have access to the most powerful, newly unleashed secret in the lottery world. A bonified, honest to goodness real way to help you beat the lottery!

"You will now have access to the most powerful, newly unleashed secret in the lottery world. A bonified, honest to goodness real way to help you beat the lottery!"

Unfortunately, this remarkable "Lotto Flaw" once revealed to the public, could take the country by storm. But, as a valued customer, I want you to get your copy first - before the rest of nation stampedes in and breaks down the doors for a copy. And that¡¯s if there is even a single copy left!


CAN YOU SPOT THE "FLAW" IN THIS SET OF PICK-3 NUMBERS?
541
To the untrained eye it is extremely difficult to spot the identifier and trigger numbers. But, once you know what to look for - it¡¯s as easy pie.

OR, HOW ABOUT THE "FLAW" IN THIS SET OF PICK-3 NUMBERS?

382

Can you see them yet? Don¡¯t worry if you can¡¯t locate the correct numbers in this example. Everything will be clearly revealed in your new "Lotto Flaw" guide book.

You Simply MUST Have This System!
"READ THE LATEST CUSTOMER COMMENTS - THAT WE JUST RECEIVED¡¦"

"I have tried many systems on number games. None of them worked. I tried yours and it really worked." Mr. H. Weathersby, IL

OK. Here are the facts. Millions of people play the lottery every year - and the number is likely to grow in the future. Since 1964, Americans have spent $500 Billion on tickets! You don¡¯t have to be an Einstein to figure out the number of "Fed-Up" players that I could reach without barely putting a scratch in the surface!

"I Will Slam The Door Shut When 3,000 People Respond."
I have written to you and a few thousand other selected people who I want to receive this valuable, awesome information. Only 3,000 lucky people will be able to receive their copy of "the flaw". After that, I will slam the door shut when only 3,000 people respond.

Now, I can practically guarantee you that anyone who receives this letter will be running to the mailbox and responding to me immediately. They would almost have to be "INSANE" not to get it! If you act right away, I promise I will get this awesome information into your hands fast - complete with everything you need to start winning almost the day you receive it!

PAY ME FROM YOUR WINNINGS!

Please Listen Closely. Now, get a hold of this - Here it is - - I¡¯m asking you to pay me what I deserve, FROM YOUR WINNINGS. Say again? FROM YOUR WINNINGS! Yes, you pay me from your first lottery winnings. I¡¯ll expect you to send me only 10% of your first $1,000.00 profit. That¡¯s probably in the neighborhood of about $100.00 - after you win. But wait, are you asking yourself: "BUT WHAT IF IT DOESN¡¯T WORK?" Excellent question. The answer is - I don¡¯t have an answer because everybody using it to my knowledge is practically cleaning up like crazy! "BIG TIME" - "BIG MONEY"!
I am going to ask you for one small favor - and that is to send me a small "Good Faith" deposit along with your order. I¡¯m only to ask for an insignificant $50 dollar deposit - just $50 bucks. So, I say it again¡¦
I cannot and will not send you this "Ground Breaking" Secret Information without a good faith deposit. And, even your deposit is refundable - fair enough! What I want to give you by way of this offer is what you have likely SPENT most of your life dreaming about! A NEW way to play using my special high-tech information.

ORDER QUICKLY AND YOU WILL ALSO RECEIVE¡¦
The "Flaw" Numbers Revealed for Pick-4 Games.
The "Flaw" Numbers Revealed for Pick-5 Games.
The "Flaw" Numbers Revealed for Pick-6 Games.
IT¡¯S JUST LIKE GETTING ** FOUR (4) NEW SYSTEMS ** ALL FOR THE PRICE OF ONE!!

Please take a minute and think about this - if you send in you¡¯re order within the next 7 days you will be getting Four (4) Complete Systems for the price of one! It¡¯s hard to put aside an offer this good - especially when experts have said that if you are only going to buy one system in your whole life - you simply MUST have the "Lotto Flaw". It is hands down - the best system ever designed for these numbers!


This is not spam. You have responded to a previous advertisement. If you no longer wish to receive further emails please send a email to the address above with remove in the subject.


Email #5

I sent you the agreement, form and copy of a recent payut statement. I also sent you a program that I will send you for free when you order. Please confirm receipt.
Thanks


So, bozo thought he had a nice fat worm on the hook and was going to make himself a tidy profit by doing no more than pressing the send button a couple of times. I was intrigued and decided to mess with him a little further.


Please to send informations being in Hungarian. I am not reading of the English very well. I am so exciting to make these monies!

Gregor


To which he replied simply:

I have no way to send instructions in Hungarian.

As a parting shot I sent my standard spam scam reply:

My name is not Gregor and you are a boil on the ass of humanity.

So the moral of the story is, scammers are lazy and easily thwarted. Once he realized he might have to put some effort into robbing me blind, he was none so enthusiastic.

I feel that I have done a public service.

Not only have I taught this scammer a valuable lesson (what that would be, exactly, I don't know, but there's got to be a lesson in there somewhere) but I have also revealed his trade secrets, thereby sabotaging his diabolical scheme and giving you, my readers, the ability to become rich beyond your wildest dreams.

All in a days work. Geez, they should pay me for this.

12 Comments:

  • At 7:32 AM, Blogger Avalon said…

    I wonder how you say " boil on the ass of humanity" in Hungarian?

     
  • At 8:51 AM, Blogger jen said…

    dude. i love spam. love it.

    kidding. you know, i always wonder about things like this, i mean, folks must take them up on the offers or they wouldn't keep coming, right?

    it's sort of like when the guy catcalls you on the street, saying "hey baby, you looking good" I never have seen a reaction to that but avoidance. and yet i am confident that there are a bunch of women who turn promptly around and give the guy a blow job, otherwise, why would he keep it up?

    it's just like that, don't you think?

     
  • At 8:56 AM, Anonymous OmegaMom said…

    The stock scams are actually a problem--the way they work is that a group starts promoting a penny stock, purchases a lot of the stock before they send the spam out, a larger percentage of people than you'd think respond, they buy the stock, the stock goes up, and the spammers sell at a profit. Then the stock's price plummets, because nobody really wanted it in the first place...

     
  • At 3:25 PM, Blogger margalit said…

    You freaking nutcase! You totally crack me up. I never ever thought about responding to them. NEVER crossed my mind. But what fun it could be if EVERYONE started responding to them. Wouldn't it be a riot if we all started asking for information in a million different languages, all totally beyond the realm of computerized translations. Or better yet, send them email in a bunch of translated languages. Like...spam THEM for a bit! You could lead a revolution!

     
  • At 7:49 PM, Blogger Mrs. Chicky said…

    *giggle*

    Good for you. You're my hero.

     
  • At 11:20 PM, Anonymous www.nolanotes.com said…

    Way to go, "Gregor!" I mean, what can he do to get even? Send you MORE spam?? Teeheee!

     
  • At 8:45 AM, Anonymous Marie said…

    I continually clean out my inbox from this garbage, only to go in a day later and more junk is there. The can spam act has a loophole in it- apparently it is difficult to be permanently removed from this nonsense. I'm tired of it all.

    These lottery ones don't even have a link to remove me. I've replied saying- get lost! LOL

     
  • At 2:56 PM, Blogger WI Mommy said…

    Hey - how can I get in on that Lottery thing? Sounds like a winner! (just kidding)

     
  • At 6:23 AM, Blogger Ruth Dynamite said…

    Today, in your honor, I'm going to use the phrase "boil on the ass of humanity" as many times as possible.

    Hilarious!

     
  • At 6:52 PM, Blogger gingajoy said…

    this, my friend, is PERFECT. PERFECT!

    have you seen this: http://youtube.com/watch?v=LvyrzQldOKE

    this is someone who did what you di, but went to *extraordinary* lengths. Enjoy!

     
  • At 2:16 PM, Blogger Mrs. Loquacious said…

    That was a fun read! I'm glad you messed with his head. I hate telemarketers with the raging heat of a thousand suns as well, and so my most recent attempts to rid myself of their nuisance has been to speak in my best Cantonese grandma voice, yelling at the top of my lungs in Chinese, "Who are you looking for? Huh? I don't know what the hell you're saying" before hanging up. It's great fun and amusement for me, and oft leaves Mr. Telemarketer all in a flush. :D

     
  • At 11:52 AM, Anonymous Gurukarm said…

    Definitely a fun read, what you did, but, I have to tell you, you're only letting the spammers know your email address is indeed "live" when you send your standard response back. So your address remains on their list, and you get more. And more. And more.

    Many many many of these emails are being funneled through "zombie" computers (ones that have been taken over by spammers, without the owner's knowledge) and responses aren't even seen by human eyes.

    Strengthen up your Delete Key finger, use liberally, and don't ever bother answering them!

    Just my 2 cents. :-)

     

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