Blogs Are Stupid

Doesn't anyone believe in Dear Diary anymore? What happened to the joy of putting actual pen to paper? And why does every ordinary Jane and John think they can write well enough to burden the world with their scribblings? It’s a mystery that badly needs solving. My first entry contains my thoughts about blogging and will set your expectations. The rest will probably be stream of consciousness garbage, much like you’ll find on any other blog. Perhaps we will both come away enlightened.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

The Good, The Bad and The Popular

My beloved offspring have discovered a show on Cartoon Network called "Robot Chicken".

The other day, they asked me to type in the code so that they could DVR an episode that was a spoof of Star Wars. Diminutive One is a HUGE Star Wars fan, and he was practically salivating with anticipation.

And I did, because it was Cartoon Network, and hello..."Robot Chicken". Would you watch a show called Robot Chicken? I wouldn't watch a show called Robot Chicken. And besides, our parental controls often flag content that is completely innocuous. You can understand why I really didn't give it a second thought as I punched in the code.

Unfortunately, I didn't realize it was part of their "Adult Swim" lineup. Yeah.

They have episodes like "Secrets of the Animal Kingdom presents, The Lemming: Nature's Retard" and "Toy Meets Girl" and "Joint Point". Again, yeah. Be informed people. Parents don't let parents drive ignorant.

You can watch some of those episodes here, but they have not released the full content of the Star Wars special for internet distribution yet. You can find short clips on YouTube if you are so inclined.

So let me just say...it was completely. Flipppin. Hilarious.

It was also completely inappropriate for children.

In one scene, Han Solo has just been encased in carbonite. Boba Fet approaches the frozen Han and lovingly caresses his bronze cheek. He says in a soft, beguiling voice...

"Look how you have your hands up like that. Almost like you're surrendering. Yeeeaaaah...you like that don't ya? Oh, you're a baaaaaaaad space cowboy."

I almost wet my pants. I laughed hard and I laughed long. And when I stopped, Diminutive One asked with touching naivete, "Why is that funny?"

After that, I paid closer attention.

In another scene, the Dubyas are lying bed, and Laura is sulking because George has denied her request to have a threesome.

It was at that point that I sighed and said "Alright boys, I'm sorry, but this has to go off. It's completely inappropriate."

This, understandably, was met with howls of protest.

"I'm sorry boys" I said, "But I can't in good conscience allow you to watch something that is not suitable for children your age. Especially something this..."

"Funny?" supplied Pre-Pubescent One, ever the smart ass.

"Raunchy." I corrected.

Diminutive One asked, "What does 'in good conscience' mean?"

"It means that I can't let you watch this and be confident that I am being a good Mom."

Diminutive One was silent for a moment, but I knew that wasn't the end of it. Then he said,

"You know, It's okay if you're not always a good Mom. In fact, I think I like it better sometimes when you're not a good Mom."

Pre-Pubescent One expressed his most emphatic agreement.

"And besides Mom" continued Diminutive One, "I don't even know what that means. How can it be inappropriate, if I don't even understand what they're talking about?"

He may have passed 3rd grade by the skin of his teeth, but you mark my words, that kid is going to be leader of the free world someday.

Against my better judgement, I let them watch the rest of the show, and then immediately deleted it from the queue.

Diminutive One inquired about my conscience.

"So, did you tell your conscience just to leave you alone and let you make your own decision? I do that sometimes."

You don't say.

So that day, I was not a good Mom. But maybe not entirely bad either. I was, just this once...the cool Mom. The Popular Mom. The Mom that they like. The Mom they brag to their friends about. The Mom they don't shoot pouty malelvolent glares beneath furrowed brows. The Mom they don't make talk talk talk faces at behind her back.

I wish I could be that Mom everyday. It would make things a whole hell of a lot easier.

Being a Good Mom blows.

FOOTNOTE: Apparently I wasn't paying close enough attention. The scene between George and Laura wasn't her sulking. It was George using the force on her to want a threesome. With Condi. Funny stuff.

13 Comments:

  • At 2:18 PM, Blogger flutter said…

    I hope you don't mind me coming over here and sullying up your space.

    And DAMN I love Robot Chicken. A whole sequence of a Robot nailing a washing machine....

     
  • At 3:12 PM, Blogger jen said…

    I think you were brilliant. and you taught them more by this than by just turning it off.

    go, you.

     
  • At 3:23 PM, Blogger Mrs. Chicky said…

    LOL! Can't always be good, so you might as well enjoy the bad times.

     
  • At 3:27 PM, Blogger Mamma said…

    Oh I can see the whole thing.

    That kid will rule the world some day.

     
  • At 3:51 PM, Anonymous Izzy said…

    Robot Chicken? I'll have to scribble that one down. You know...for uh parental research ;)

     
  • At 5:01 PM, Blogger slouching mom said…

    How can it be inappropriate, if I don't even understand what they're talking about?

    He got you but good. A logician, you've raised.

     
  • At 5:12 PM, Anonymous Doodaddy said…

    You've clearly done something right -- those kids! No, I take that back -- you've clearly done a lot right!

    Well done.

     
  • At 7:45 PM, Blogger Jenn said…

    FARK just had a Robot Chicken link, the star wars version.

    It's very, very hard to appear productive at work when you are putting your head on your desk and howling with laughter.

    Ultimately, you're going to have some cool, cool kids. I mean, Robot Chicken rocks, therefore kids who get to watch it will rock, too.

    Someday, in a galaxy far away, your kids will be saying, "wasn't mom the fricking bomb"?

     
  • At 8:58 AM, Anonymous Andrea said…

    Yeah, but when they're old enough to appreciate all the Good Mom things you did for them, they'll understand far better than they do now.

    And besides, your being a Good Mom now means they'll be Good Dads when it's their turn. It's written in the by-laws or something. "Not being the Fun, Cool Mom = kids growing up to be Good Parents."

    Yeah, I need to buy a lottery ticket with my optimism. But seriously, at the very least you've shown them that good and bad are not always black and white, and sometimes the gray area is the hardest to navigate, even if it is more fun sometimes.

     
  • At 11:44 AM, Blogger Natalie said…

    I love Robot Chicken too! It's a hilarious show. I can see your reservations though. It can be a little...adult.

     
  • At 1:06 PM, Blogger Oh, The Joys said…

    I would totally watch something called Robot Chicken. Might do it right now, in fact...

     
  • At 1:58 PM, Anonymous Gurukarm said…

    He may have only passed 3rd "by the skin of his teeth" but I can tell you right now he'll get my vote over the guy who's in the office now who only got through Yale, apparently, "by the skin of his teeth" as well! ;-)

    And look how much time that gives him to get that part of his act together (since it's quite clear that he's already got the REST of his act together! :-) )

     
  • At 6:19 PM, Blogger Christine said…

    My kids are watching Fairly Odd Parents so I can read blogs. I am too often not a good mom.

     

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