Blogs Are Stupid

Doesn't anyone believe in Dear Diary anymore? What happened to the joy of putting actual pen to paper? And why does every ordinary Jane and John think they can write well enough to burden the world with their scribblings? It’s a mystery that badly needs solving. My first entry contains my thoughts about blogging and will set your expectations. The rest will probably be stream of consciousness garbage, much like you’ll find on any other blog. Perhaps we will both come away enlightened.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Victory?

Diminutive One came home from school about 30 minutues ago. I was anxiously awaiting him, but tried to appear nonchalant. I didn't ask him how his day went, I simply greeted him and asked him what he wanted for snack.

As he munched, he looked at me thoughtfully and said, "You know. I had a pretty good day today. I think the medicine helped. I didn't get in trouble ONCE. AND...I got an A on my spelling pretest."

Maybe the medicine just gave him some confidence. Maybe, that little white pill just made him THINK he could do better. And maybe, it really did. Frankly, I don't care which is true.

I felt like crying, but I held it together. I told him how happy I was, of course, and glad that he felt like it was working.

Then he said, "Mom, I really think I am a kinisthetic learner. (he is) But maybe a little bit of auditory too. But definitely kinisthetic the most."

Now, earlier in the week at his doctor's appointment, she had suggested we have him tested for learning style. This is in the works, but insurance is balking at paying for it and the place we want to take him, a center that specializes in his type of disorders, is not cheap. So it hasn't happened yet. Though we know his learning style, these types of evaluations can often uncover one of the multitude of co-morbid conditions that are typical to ADD, such as processing disorders and mood disorders such as depression or anxiety. We discussed it in depth, but she never said the word kinisthetic.

I gaped at him and said "Where in the hell did you hear that word?"

He looked a little insulted and said, "Mom. Guidance comes to our class every Monday and talks about character and stuff. Today she talked about learning style."

He said this as if my astonishment was entirely unwarranted. But it wasn't. Because he was listening. The fact that he followed the lesson was far more astounding than his use and understanding of the word.

He settled in at the kitchen table to do his homework and I noticed, with a sort of surreal feeling, that he was sitting. Normally, he stands to do his homework. He stands and taps. Bangs. Hums. Twirls. Flaps. Flutters. I know that those self stimulating behaviors serve to keep him focused so I've been trying to quell the impulse to implore him to stop. But today I didn't have to. He was doing none of that. And his homework was done in 15 mintues with no tantrums, no protests, no tears.

Now I feel like a real putz for waiting so long.

This is my achilles heel. I overthink things. I ponder. I ruminate. I research. I pro and con it to death.

A lot of the time, this serves me well. But sometimes....sometimes it results in a child that could have started the year off on the right foot if his mother hadn't been such a pussy about a teensy weensy little pill.

This motherhood gig...what made me think I'd be good at it? Well, of course, I assumed I would have a "normal" child. I was good at the baby stuff. I know some have a really tough time with that. But I had the baby knack. I'm not sure I have the instincts necessary to guide a troubled child through life.

But then...I don't really have a choice do I? Maybe I'll pass the next test of my mothering mettle more expiditiously.

32 Comments:

  • At 2:46 PM, Blogger dawn224 said…

    Somewhere in my mounds of teacher stuff that survived baby leave and cross country move are some learning inventories, shoot me an email if you'd like me to hunt them for you. d

     
  • At 3:01 PM, Blogger flutter said…

    paralysis by analysis a common condition amongst the very intelligent :)

     
  • At 3:07 PM, Blogger Beth said…

    I think you were right to way the pros and cons of medicating your child. I actually sold this medication for many years, and I knew of too many parents that medicated their children so they didn't have to deal with them. I am glad it is helping your...

     
  • At 3:28 PM, Blogger J. Denae said…

    It's so wonderful to have positive feedback after such a difficult decision. I'm glad things are gong well.

     
  • At 3:45 PM, Blogger Mimi aka pz5wjj said…

    Oh bless him! I'm proud of him too!

     
  • At 3:54 PM, Anonymous Andrea said…

    Don't go second guessing yourself too much. You said in a previous post that this medication comes with some serious side effects that would (should) give any parent pause. Also, knowing your child the way you do, you want to make sure he takes the RIGHT medicine, not just gets medicine, and that discerning takes time. You're working toward it. You're getting there. You also don't want to be one of those parents with a kid that's a zombie because he's on the wrong dosage or wrong medicine altogether.

    I'm glad that this pill appears to be working as it's designed to work and that there's some real help for DO in his future. It's going to be an exciting year if this keeps up.

     
  • At 4:01 PM, Anonymous BooMom said…

    First reaction:

    *tears*

    Next reaction:

    A hearty "Hot Damn" !

    yeah, it's a southern thang....

     
  • At 4:08 PM, Blogger Terri said…

    I don't think you should second guess yourself too much. You sound like a mom who's trying to do the very best thing for her child.

    And I tend to fall victim to the "paralysis by analysis" as Flutter said. Not wanting to over analyze but afraid I might under analyze.

    I'm glad the medicine is helping.

     
  • At 4:21 PM, Blogger Mamma said…

    I truly believe things happen when they're supposed to happen.

    What wonderful news that he feels so calm.

    That is a HUGE victory!! Bask in that my friend. Don't beat yourself up.

     
  • At 5:06 PM, Blogger Christine said…

    BA, you did the right thing by being cautious...it was an important decision and you treated it with respect.

    AND WOOHOO!!! So glad it's helping.

     
  • At 5:14 PM, Blogger crazymumma said…

    Define normal first of all. I think it is more than ok that you overthought that little white pill. It's a big step, and giving it due consideration shows the massive amount of respect you have for your son.

    Good for him. I bet he feels alot more comfortable at school now.

     
  • At 5:24 PM, Blogger Alley Cat said…

    I would have been cautious too. I hear all over the news that teachers and doctors are too quick to recommend meds, so it is very justifiable to wait as long as you did. I'm glad the meds have helped.

     
  • At 5:58 PM, Blogger liv said…

    So happy to hear this good news. I knew a small child that sounded like Diminutive One. He grew up to graduate top of his class at Pius and took 2 scholarships to Tech where he's on the Dean's list....and he takes his meds every day. :)

     
  • At 7:03 PM, Blogger Ruth Dynamite said…

    First of all - congratulations! Pill or placebo, it's working. That's the goal, right? Go with it. Celebrate it. I hope you both have a great year!

     
  • At 7:27 PM, Blogger bubandpie said…

    At least this way, the difference is obvious - if you had started him on the first day of school, you would likely have wondered whether it was the medication helping him, or just another year's worth of maturity. Clarity is good.

     
  • At 7:28 PM, Blogger Wife Soup said…

    Hey, I did the same thing (I like that...paralysis by analysis, I get that all the time). This is the first year (5th grade) mine is starting the year off with the meds. I am glad to hear things are going well for you. For me it was such a relief to finally accept that the difficulties we'd had weren't just the usual, that all parents go through. There was a reason why it had always been so hard!!! Especially, the school work and sleep problems. Thanks again for sharing.

     
  • At 7:42 PM, Blogger mamatulip said…

    I'm very glad for him -- and for you. I hope this trend continues.

     
  • At 8:03 PM, Blogger slouching mom said…

    Awesome! Keep us posted!

     
  • At 9:36 PM, Anonymous jennie said…

    Congratulations - that is an excellent start. A calmer mind? What a gift. You did the right thing in just trying an option.

     
  • At 10:03 PM, Blogger Amy York said…

    I'm happy to hear that the pill worked...
    Don't beat yourself up about waiting. There is a lot of information as far as pros and cons to medication ADD & ADHD go... and we probably won't really know the truth until after another 10~20 years of research!!
    That said... Hooray for 15 minutes of homework no tantrums and no tapping.
    I believe we all have our niches as mothers... but we learn as we go and eventually come as close to perfection as we can through our experiences...

     
  • At 10:35 PM, Blogger WI Mommy said…

    hehe - sometimes I do think you and I may be twins separated at birth..paralysis by analysis is my biggest downfall!!

     
  • At 10:36 PM, Blogger SUEB0B said…

    I am glad that it is helping.

     
  • At 10:51 PM, Anonymous Kvetch said…

    To be sure you made the right choice, as a parent, is always a blessing.

    My son was on medication for a while. It took several tries and many weeks, but the day it "kicked in" was one of the best days ever.

     
  • At 11:59 PM, Blogger painted maypole said…

    oh, Hooray! so glad this working better for you. Don't worry about the past - what you did or did not do. we try to find the right thing, and sometimes it takes a while. May this newfound solution continue to work for you.

     
  • At 1:06 AM, Blogger creative-type dad said…

    seems like your doing a pretty good job to me.

    As for "normal", I still haven't met one in my 33 years

     
  • At 6:54 AM, Blogger Jenn said…

    "Where the hell did you hear that word"?

    Cracked me up.

    But the doubts and over-analyzing--I think that's just part of the gamut of this gig. I sat in front of Little A's door yesterday, my head down and said, "I don't know what the hell I'm doing".

    I think that it's all pre-tests--the big test can only take place at the end....what did we ultimately give them?

    I think you'll pass that with flying colors.

     
  • At 7:20 AM, Anonymous pinks & Blues Girls said…

    Maybe before just wasn't the right time. But now clearly is.

    Hooray for good news!

    Jane, Pinks & Blues

     
  • At 9:19 AM, Blogger Avalon said…

    I was happiest to hear that not only did he listen, absorb the content and understand what was being said.......he also identified himself as " a learner". What a great thing for him!

     
  • At 9:28 AM, Blogger Mad Hatter said…

    How can we not wonder, research, ruminate? I'm pleased to hear the pill is working.

     
  • At 10:14 AM, Blogger Irreverent Antisocial Intellectual said…

    Learning styles ... we used that when teaching cops. We'd assess their learning styles and then present the material to them in a way they'd process it better. I swear to you, I had 40+ year old guys telling me they were only now grasping academic concepts ... they work, it's worth finding out which one you are.

    BTW, I would have put off the medication for as long as possible, too. Damn researching and mental weighing and self-convincing ...

     
  • At 1:30 PM, Anonymous flybunny said…

    I have been away for awhile and am just now catching up.

    I am so glad this worked for DO, when the meds work, they work right away but the side effects take some time to catch up.

    We made the decision to put our spirited child on meds about 18 months ago and it was the best decision for all involved. The one bit of advice I offer is to track attentiveness and work closely with the teacher to make sure you continue to see the desired results. It has taken us this long to find the right dose and med (little white pill did not work for us). Also something to keep in mind if you are using and extended release is they can prescribe an end of day booster that will get you through those critical homework hours if needed. I never heard of it until another parent suggested it and Dr's all agreed it was needed.

    I hope things continue down the right path for DO, it is so exciting when things start falling into place.

     
  • At 9:21 AM, Blogger ..M.. said…

    I SO remember this day as it happened to us... My son had just started the meds one (or two?) days earlier. I was a strung out stressed out mother desperate for something to work after years of hard work and heavy guilt. I hated medication with a passion, but I was a desperate mother by then, and my son was an unhappy child.

    I had the family over at the time, and my ever-bouncy, hyperactive son was joining in with conversations - actually listening, getting out understandable, sensible sentences, and being as mature as his age would let him. He was not jumping up and down, not yelling, not needing to be the centre of attention - just being himself - and SMILING!!

    Boy did I cry when I realised I'd done the right thing. Years later he's still good with the pills. I think he's had a better start in life because of them. I'm damned sure he's doing better academically AND socially, simply because a few chemicals are being put right thanks to a little pill.

    It's good that you took your time over it. Better to do it when you're sure, when you've worn out the doubt (to whatever degree... we always have some doubt don't we?) and when your son is old enough to notice the difference!

    Here's to your young ADD'ers future!

     

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