Blogs Are Stupid

Doesn't anyone believe in Dear Diary anymore? What happened to the joy of putting actual pen to paper? And why does every ordinary Jane and John think they can write well enough to burden the world with their scribblings? It’s a mystery that badly needs solving. My first entry contains my thoughts about blogging and will set your expectations. The rest will probably be stream of consciousness garbage, much like you’ll find on any other blog. Perhaps we will both come away enlightened.

Saturday, October 06, 2007

The Post That Almost Wasn't

We bloggers all struggle at times to come up with pithy, interesting, thought provoking content. And how many times have you started a blog post, maybe even finished it, only to realize that it was, in fact, french fried tripe and wholly unfit for publication?

Scores, right? Yeah, me too. I written some abysmally bad posts. Some of them I even posted. You can find them if you look but I'm certainly not providing you with a road map.

A couple days ago, Veronica Mitchell over at Toddled Dredge wrote a very funny post about all the post ideas she has conceived and then rejected.

I actually thought all the ideas were pretty interesting, but I especially loved the "Ten Snoggable Literary Characters Meme."

Or, as she put it, "Ten Literary Characters I Would Totally Make Out With If I Were Single and They Were Real But I’m Not, Single I Mean, I Am Real, But I’m Also Happily Married and Want to Stay That Way So Maybe We Should Forget This"

And now, she has generously made it a reality for all us uber geeks who fall in love with fictional people. No matter how well developed those characters are, that's a little freaky.

Eh well. I embrace my inner freak whenever possible, but especially in regard to hot dudes in breeches who frolic through the landscape of my libidinous imagination. I've tried to include a mix of classic and contemporary characters.

So without further ado...

Ten literary characters I would totally snog.

1. James Alexander Malcom Mackenzie Fraser from Outlander.

Hands down. Bar None. Without question. He is big and brawny and bold and brutal, but he is tender, kind, sensitive, educated, and principled. He's also a one woman man. Damn Claire Fraser's whiskey eyed hide. Plus, he wears a kilt and speaks with a Scottish brogue. I told Husband he'd get a lot more sex if he'd just learn to do that.

2. Fitzwilliam Darcy from Pride and Prejudice.

He is the archetypical brooding, aloof romantic protagonist. But again, we find, that his churlishness hides a deeply passionate nature. He is bound by the constraints of Victorian convention and the burden of duty, but in the end, he cannot let his love for Elizabeth go undeclared. He risks his pride and discards his prejudice to claim the love of his life. SIGH.

3. Rhett Butler from Gone With the Wind.

I'm not talking about Clark Gable as Rhett Butler, although he was incredibly dashing. But Rhett Butler as written by Margaret Mitchell was a much more complex character, trying to navigate a world of complicated social mores and volatile political unrest. He may be a scoundrel and a rakehell, and his love and devotion to Scarlett is not always demonstrated by conventional methods, but it is always fierce, always constant. Scarlett as portrayed by Vivian Leigh doesn't deserve him. But Scarlett the literary character knows that her Rhett is a man of rare character and strength, even if her pride won't let her admit it.

4. George from Of Mice and Men.

George is not an educated man. He is not a handsome man. But he is smart, and capable, and he cares for the mentally challenged Lenny with a depth and tenderness that is incongruous in an era that brings out the desperation and brutality of men. The strength of his love is put to the ultimate test and passes when he gives Lenny the ultimate gift. That. Is sexy.

5. Edmund Dantes from The Count of Monte Cristo

What is it that makes revenge so sexy? Dantes is another character that is absolutely brilliant in his complexity. He is a study in contrasts. He is educated and resourceful, but brutal and predatory. Dantes knows the hearts of men. It's that knowledge that enables him to exact his revenge in such a delicious and diabolical way; by using the greed and avarice that lurks in the black depths of his enemies to bring about their destruction. But he's not without his tendernesses. Indeed, he loves deeply and without reservation. And that's what makes him so fabulously sexy.

6. Father Ralph De Briccassart from The Thornbirds

I had almost forgotten about him, but Antique Mommy reminded me of how much I loved him once upon a time. God, I must have read The Thornbirds about 72 times when I was a teenager. Forbidden love...what could be more titillating? Really, if you think about it, he is a terrible reprobrate, but Colleen McCollough takes a man who is essentially a pedophile and a disgrace to his office, and makes him not only not disgusting, but sexy, sympathetic and tragically romantic. It wouldn't take much for me to confess all my sins to Father Ralph. I'd even wear a little plaid skirt and kneesocks. And THAT my dear readers would be something to see on this aging bod.

7. Lestat De Lioncourt from The Vampire Chronicles

I think I've mentioned before that I have a strong penchant for vampire lore. One reason is that I find it incredibly erotic. I just about climaxe just watching Gary Oldman as Dracula. Lestat de Lioncourt is petulant, spoiled, whiny and self-involved. But he is also passionate and sensitive and he loves without reserve or apology. Above all, he hungers. Not for blood, but the life he has left behind and all the richness it has to offer.

8. Stu Redmon from The Stand

God I love Stu. What a brilliantly developed character. At first we are led to believe that he is a simple, uneducated country hick from East Texas. But he turns out to be a strong and intelligent man who can inspire love and loyalty. He is humble but proud. Soft spoken but not ineffectual. He accepts leadership with pragmatism, while always questioning his ability to do justice to those who have placed their trust in him. He is a man's man.

9. Ike Crockett from The Descent

This book is so amazing. It's weird, but amazing, and totally unlike my usual fare. If you want reviews, go here, because I don't think I can do it justice and besides, this is not a review post. Ike Crockett is a wilderness guide who was kidnapped and enslaved by a heretofore undiscovered race of homidids that live deep beneath the earth's surface. He survives and escapes, but is left tortured and scarred, physically and emotionally. He is half human, half savage and struggling to hold onto his humanity long enough to lead a team of scientists and soldiers to the subterranean monsters. He's a complete enigma...mysterious and seductive. And what girl doesn't get all hot and bothered by that??

10. Aloysious Pendergast of Preston and Child's series of books.

He's not your typical sex symbol. His physical description alone does not inspire lust. But he is so incredibly interesting and unusual that the reader feels drawn to him. Well at lesast, this reader does. However, I think it's been previously established that I develop fascinations for unusual and/or quirky characters. Anyway...he's terribly cultured, educated, refined and intelligent. And did I say quirky? Quirky. But he can be cold blooded and vicious to save himself or to serve the interests of society as he perceives them. Again, his allure lies in his complexity as a man and a literary character.

Number 10 was a toss up between him and Hannibal Lecter, whom I find inexplicably sexy. Since he's a sociopathic monster, I went with Aloysious, although they are similar in many ways.

I'm not going to really tag anybody, but if you want to add yours in the comments please do. I'd love to hear them. I'd also love to know I'm not the only nerdburger who thinks about snogging fictional men.

If you're interested, I know Bubandpie has written about this as well, although much more creatively than I.

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In other blog news, you may have noticed my blogroll is gone. This is not a political statement of any kind I just realized that it was one of the things that was significantly slowing down my blog. As soon as I find a way to make it less cumbersome I'll put it back.

31 Comments:

  • At 10:56 PM, Blogger painted maypole said…

    this is a fascinating meme. thanks for sharing! and Hannibal? Shivers!

     
  • At 10:57 PM, Blogger liv said…

    I love this idea, but I am a) not eligible because I could indeed do the snogging and b) am clearly not well read enough to come up with anything interesting.

    Oh, but I am glad you are because this was fun to read!

     
  • At 12:07 AM, Anonymous mel from freak parade said…

    My list is just Mr. Darcy, Mr. Darcy, Mr. Darcy. I would love to throw in Rhett Butler from the book, but Clark Gable kind of tainted that for me.He wasn't my cup of tea, but anytime I would try to read the book, he was the picture I got.
    Wait, wait....Marius Pontmercy from Victor Hugo's Les Miserables.
    That is all I can think of off the top of my head. My kids don't allow much reading time. Grrr.

     
  • At 12:23 AM, Blogger flutter said…

    This meme is so friggin great! I think I love you even more now!

     
  • At 12:30 AM, Blogger margalit said…

    Oh my. I know I've told you this...or maybe I just think I have and I've got an advanced case of oldtimers disease, but Jeff Long was my roomate in college. And with all my heart, and with much much love for Jeff, who is a GREAT GUY, you do not want anything to do with any character from The Descent of any other of Jeff's many wonderful books. The man writes himself into every character. The man is, oh, shall we say, tortured.

    I'll think of my list and will maybe post it. Great meme.

    It's Margalit. Blogger seems to hate me and will not let me comment under my own account name.

     
  • At 7:18 AM, Blogger bubandpie said…

    I thought about Jamie Fraser and Rhett Butler, but they're not QUITE my type. It sounds like Edmund Dantes IS, though - maybe I should add The Count of Monte Cristo to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde on my list of must-reads for next summer.

     
  • At 7:59 AM, Anonymous Organic Mama said…

    Fantastic post!

    I'd have to fight you (as if he'd notice us) for Jaime Fraser. Outlander was not a book, but an all-encompassing experience and I know that man verra, verra weel. Bold and brash and freaking LOYAL and loving and crafty and basically sex on a stick,
    Thank you for including Stu from The Stand (have you heard the Alarm's song about that book? - about 1984, I think). That IS my favorite King book mostly because the characters are so realistically drawn. You described him perfectly. I mourned him!

     
  • At 8:31 AM, Blogger slouching mom said…

    The Thorn Birds -- I had forgotten how much I loved that book at thirteen or fourteen.

    I'm afraid that if I reread it now I'd find it melodramatic but God, how it rocked my teenage world.

     
  • At 12:19 PM, Blogger Amy York said…

    I'm with you on Rhett. And Mr. Darcy!

     
  • At 2:34 PM, Blogger Lucy's Mom said…

    You have very good taste. Hell, I'm a lesbian and I'd "snog" Jamie or Rhett without a backward look!!

     
  • At 5:26 PM, Blogger meno said…

    Lord Peter Whimsey. He may not be cute, but he's tall and brilliant.

    Aragorn from The Lord of The Rings. I've had a moist spot for him ever since i read the books when i was 15, many, many years ago, way before Viggo played him.

    Sherlock Holmes, even if he is gay.

     
  • At 5:36 PM, Blogger Veronica Mitchell said…

    I don't think I could get with Dantes. He's certainly attractive in some ways, but that singleminded focus on harming someone would chill any ardor I felt. Then there's always the question of what he'd do if he felt wronged by me.

    But an intriguing list. You certainly like the bad boys.

     
  • At 6:04 PM, Blogger Blog Antagonist said…

    Veronica...not really bad boys, I don't think. I guess have a fascination with men who are paradoxically complex. Tough but vulnerable, brutal but tender, principled but ruthless...etc., etc., etc.

    I'm sure there's some psychology there.

     
  • At 6:20 PM, Anonymous DaniGirl said…

    Ooooo, brilliant to include Stu Redmond. He never even crossed my radar screen when thinking of this meme, but he should have!

    I'm thinking I'll have to look into Outlander now...

     
  • At 7:56 PM, Blogger Pgoodness said…

    Mine would all be characters from Nora Robers or JD Robb (Same person) books! Ever since I had kids, my literary prowess has dwindled to romance novels and other assorted light reads!

     
  • At 8:28 PM, Blogger crazymumma said…

    It's those dark brooding complicated types we fantasize about. They would be crappy in a real reltionship though.

    I always wondered about Darth Vader....

     
  • At 8:45 PM, Blogger Mom101 said…

    You guys need to submit this (well, the funny parts) to McSweeney's lists.

    Does George Clooney in the photo transcript of Oceans 11 count as a literary character? No? Okay, then I'll go with Darcy and Tomas from Unbearable Lightness of Being which I SWEAR I've never seen as a movie...I read it in college and the character always stuck with me.

     
  • At 4:10 AM, Blogger Casdok said…

    Brill post!
    Thank you for sharing

     
  • At 4:53 AM, Blogger ewe are here said…

    Aaaah. Good list.

    I went with 'Louis' instead of Lestat for my vampire pick, though.
    :-)

     
  • At 9:29 AM, Anonymous Andrea said…

    Oh, you'd snog Stu! I loved Stu! And the way he was so tender with Francie and her predicament, being the first to give birth after the plague. (I could be off on the names, because it's been a loooong time since I've read that book, but it is one of my faves).

    Also, I have to add Henry from The Time Traveler's Wife. Sensitive and kind, concerned with his wife's childhood innocence while traveling to her through time. Tortured since he had no control over where he went and when. Bitter over the hand he'd been dealt and yet still able to let himself love. Oh, I loved Henry. And I think it's just about time for me to reread that book.

     
  • At 10:28 AM, Blogger Avalon said…

    Atticus Finch from To Kill A Mockingbird. But he would have to keep the glasses on.

     
  • At 11:34 AM, Anonymous midlife mommy said…

    Mmmmm. Father Ralph. I'd forgotten about him. Good choice.

     
  • At 12:26 PM, Blogger Kimberly said…

    Oh YES! Jamie Fraser. Totally. And I agree with Rhett Butler, as well as the rest of your discussion of GWTW. And one of your commenters said something about Nora Roberts.....oy yes, Roarke is the man!

     
  • At 1:49 PM, Blogger Alison said…

    Great list. I'd have to concur with your choice of Jamie Fraser, Mr. Darcy, Rhett, and Father Ralph. Some of the other books I haven't read (might have to remedy that.

     
  • At 2:16 PM, Anonymous AA said…

    Jamie would be my first choice hands down too. Also Rhett from the book. (Everyone should read the book to see who Scarlett is really supposed to be.)

    My first thought for an addition was Atticus Finch.

    I would also do Henry (from Time Traveler's Wife), The lawyer from Grishom's A Time To Kill, again the book (although I would do Matthew McG in a heartbeat too), and I know there are more (because, yes, I am that way) but I can't think right now because I have been in meetings all day and I am on migraine meds!

     
  • At 3:42 PM, Blogger Jen M. said…

    What a great meme. Your list is awesome.

     
  • At 5:03 PM, Blogger Christine said…

    I notice that similarity between the characters as well...and like the make-up thing, not the list I'd have chosen for you, know what I mean?

     
  • At 2:44 PM, Blogger Natalie said…

    Howard Roark from The Fountainhead would be my hands down number one. I am sure I could come up with ten if I tried but I would probably be so worn out after Howard that there would be no point. Regardless, I may have to try this meme because it is too fun.

     
  • At 9:03 PM, Blogger Mrs. Who said…

    I think we are the only two (I have found) who had Jamie on our lists. I adore those books. They completely take you into another world. And isn't that what a book is supposed to do??

     
  • At 12:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Gandalf.

     
  • At 9:01 AM, Blogger Monica said…

    I have a friend who is OBSESSED with Darcy. Obsessed. She is also obsessed with Colin Firth. By the way, I totally did this meme, I find it utterly hilarious.

     

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