Blogs Are Stupid

Doesn't anyone believe in Dear Diary anymore? What happened to the joy of putting actual pen to paper? And why does every ordinary Jane and John think they can write well enough to burden the world with their scribblings? It’s a mystery that badly needs solving. My first entry contains my thoughts about blogging and will set your expectations. The rest will probably be stream of consciousness garbage, much like you’ll find on any other blog. Perhaps we will both come away enlightened.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Misnomer

Every year, Husband's very large family holds their annual Christmas hillbilly jamboree potluck supper.

It's kind of like Hee Haw meets the Waltons.

I shouldn't poke fun. There are one or two who make Lonny the Banjo Boy look like a Mensa candidate, but the majority of them are really very normal, very kind people, ablbeit a smidge twangier than what I'm used to.

However they are simple, small town people and it's an entirely different world from the one I grew up in. It's can be a little bewildering. Sometimes it's frightening. Sometimes it's frustrating. But it's always interesting.

Husband and I thought the potluck was this past Saturday, which made for a pretty busy weekend, since Husband's company fete was Friday night.

I had to make food for the potluck, get my hair and nails (toe) done, get the boys packed up and drive them halfway to RidiculouslySmallTown since the in-laws do not venture within a 40 mile radius of BigCity, they do not tarry in BigCity after dark, and they certainly do not sleep in beds other than their own, particulary those in BigCity.

Curiously, they do occasionlly deign to grace Tony with their nocturnal presence despite the fact that he is no relation to them whatsoever. That would be Tony of Tony's Best Western in Gatlinburg, TN. Look him up if you're ever up that way. Apparently, he's quite the host, though I myself have never had the privilege of taking advantage of Tony's hospitality.

Anyway, husband offered to take the boys halfway to RidiculouslySMallTown to lighten my load and give me more time to primp, even though he also had to drive an hour to and from work that day.

So I managed to bake three loaves of pumpkin bread and make a HUGE container of broccoli salad. It's really quite delicious and it does not involve any cooking other than the bacon which needs to be crumbled into it, therebye minimizing preparation time, as well as simplifying the logistics of storage and transport since it does not need to be kept or served hot.

I was feeling quite smug in my preparedness.

But it seems that Husband doesn't listen some wires got crossed and the party was not going to take place this year as usual.

So we were left with a whole heck of a lot of broccoli salad.

But no matter, both Husband and I enjoy it a great deal, and after our night of merry making the evening before, we were glad to have a simple supper ready made to tuck into Saturday night. We both ate it with great gusto.

Oh but wait, I neglected to give the ingredients to this wholesome nutritious and delicious recipe:

5 cups fresh broccoli florets
1/2 cup raisins
1/2 cup sunflower seeds
1/2 cup cooked, crumbled bacon
1/4 cup of red onion, chopped
1 cup of frozen peas, thawed

Dressing:
1 cup mayonnaise
2 tablespoons vinegar
1/2 cup sugar

Now, I don't know about you, but neither Husband nor I, at 41 and 38 respectively, has the intestinal fortitude that we used to. And to complicate matters, I am minus a gall bladder as well.

All I can say is that it's a damned good thing we have three bathrooms. It's a damned good thing I surrendered my dignity years ago when Husband witnessed the carnage miracle of birth. And it's a damnded good thing we had a plentiful supply of quality toilet tissue to hand.

I think, given the ingredients, the name "Broccoli Salad" is deceptively innocent and wholly misleading. So if you choose to pass this recipe along, you should be sure to label it something that will give the recipient a clue as to it's truly sinister nature.

Perhaps "Laxative Medley" might be more apropos.

19 Comments:

  • At 8:51 PM, Blogger Maddy said…

    Huh! You could have easily sold me that recipe until you mentioned the aftermath! We have more than enough problems in that department already. There again the chances of anyone eating anything green who is also under the age of 10 is negligible.
    Cheers
    "Whittereronautism"

     
  • At 8:56 PM, Blogger WrapAroundSam said…

    You could always substitute cauliflower for the Broccoli. Said her with tongue in cheek....(c:}

     
  • At 9:17 PM, Blogger SUEB0B said…

    IMO there is no reason to ever eat raw broccoli. OR cauliflower.

     
  • At 9:22 PM, Blogger Veronica Mitchell said…

    "Laxative Medley." *snort*

    How about "incontinental breakfast"?

     
  • At 10:16 PM, Blogger Angela said…

    hope everything came out alright
    sorry bad joke

     
  • At 10:34 PM, Anonymous mischief said…

    I'm with suebob. Don't like broccoli as a laxative or otherwise.

    So........what happened with the big family wing-ding? Completely cancelled?

     
  • At 10:51 PM, Blogger Jen M. said…

    Hah!! Laxative medley.

    The entire time I read your post, up to the recipe, I was praying you would leave the recipe.

    I could use a good pipe cleaning, and I love broccoli - so THANKS! Yum!

     
  • At 11:05 PM, Blogger flutter said…

    How about "colon blow"?

    heh...my sister in the plumbing issues, you are.

     
  • At 12:14 AM, Blogger jen said…

    blowcoli salad, you said? sorry, couldn't resist.

     
  • At 1:01 AM, Blogger Sharon said…

    I make a similar broccoli salad. And oh, how I love it. And oh, the horror that soon follows. Perhaps we should try topping the salad with finely diced Immodium AD.

     
  • At 3:54 AM, Blogger Polgara said…

    i was reading this and thinking Mmmm Broccoli salad but the end result just isnt worth it!

     
  • At 8:49 AM, Blogger anne said…

    Oh. My.

    Although, the recipe does look good.

    I'll make sure I make on a night when I know we don't have to leave the house for anything the following day.

     
  • At 11:41 AM, Blogger Chanda (aka Bea) said…

    Sushi does the same thing! Go figure. :)

     
  • At 12:35 PM, Blogger we_be_toys said…

    OY! Colonblow in a salad! At least you know you're not full of anything now, right?
    Enjoyed your post about the fancy schmantzt office party too - if only all the world could be as harmonious, eh?

     
  • At 1:25 PM, Blogger sltbee69 said…

    Thanks for the recipe. I could use that like yesterday. Oh, and cauliflower isn't going to be any better than broccoli. Just as stinky.

     
  • At 4:17 PM, Blogger Oh, The Joys said…

    A post after my own heart!

     
  • At 8:04 AM, Blogger Fairly Odd Mother said…

    Hmmm. . may be just the thing to bring to my next party. Could make for an interesting night!

     
  • At 9:36 AM, OpenID wheelsonthebus said…

    So, do you make the salad so that the family reunion is more interesting for you?

    Emily R

     
  • At 8:44 PM, Blogger The Woman Formerly Known as Jenn said…

    I might bring this the next time I'm dragged to a party hosted by people who annoy me. Which is most people. Thanks :-)

     

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