1. Even after living here 20 years, I still can't help laughing at the way Southerners react when the temperature plunges beneath the ole 60 degree mark.
Yesterday was an absolutely gorgeous fall day; the kind that are all too few here in the land of eternal summer. It was about 52 degrees and the wind was a little brisk, but the sun was shining brightly. I couldn't wait to get home and go for my walk.
On the way home from the school, I saw a woman walking a dog. She had on a down vest, some sort of fleece thing underneath it and a turtleneck under that, a hat, gloves and a freaking muffler
A muffler, people. Where I come from, you don't put on a muffler unless you're planning to go ice fishing or you know...enter the Iditarod.
I was wearing a tank top under a lightweight cardigan, jeans and tennis shoes. I was perfectly comfortable. That woman had to have been roasting alive under all that clothing.
And yet, they don't take construct their homes to withstand the brutal minus 60 conditions that persist throughout the Southern winters. You could catch pneumonia standing next to my fireplace. 2. One year ago I had Lasik surgery.
I really can't believe it's been a year and sometimes, I still can't believe that I actually did it. I am such a pussy about procedures of any kind.
I had my gall bladder taken out five years ago and you would have though I was undergoing a heart translplant the way I carried on. They gave me enough valium to put Andre The Giant in la-la land for a nice long time and still I was trembling uncontrollably right up until they put the mask over my face.
Well, maybe some
of that was because I was naked (seriously, is this necessary? Can we at least be allowed the dignity of underpants?).
I felt a little sheepish when I woke up 40 minutes later with three teensy weensy little incisions and feeling, for all intents and purposes, none the worse for the experience.
And yet, I voluntarily sat under a big honkin' machine, allowed a doctor to tape my eyelids open, suck my eyeball into an aperature, slice through my cornea, and then laser
I would do it again in a New York minute.
It has been a true miracle for me. If any of you have vision as poor as mine was(Jozet over at Halushki described it very well in this
very funny post) you can probably appreciate the truth of that statement. Those of you with perfect vision never will.
In the interest of full disclosure, I did have a slight complication. I have struggled with chronic dry eye since the procedure. I was forewarned of this risk, and chose to go forward. And I'm glad I did. I have to use Restasis twice a day, but it manages my symptoms very well.
It's possible I will be able to stop using the drops at some point. The eyes continue to heal for up to five years after surgery. Already I can tell that the dryness is improving.
Normally, if I miss a dose or two, I am running for the artificial tears because it feels as if the cat licked my eyeballs. But lately I've noticed that I can miss a couple days without dire consequences.
Despite that, it is still a hundred thousand million kajillion
times better than screwing around with glasses and conctacts.
If you're thinking about doing it, all I can tell you is that I wish I had done it twenty years ago. Well, maybe not because there was that thing with eyeballs sectioning apart like oranges after RK, so maybe ten years ago.3. I've been doing a lot of ebay shopping lately.
Pre-Pubescent One's sudden lust for brand names is drastically at odds with our one income situation. For some reason, it bugs the living snot out of me when people have common words misspelled in their auctions.
HEELS, people, not heals. SEQUINS, not sequence. SANDALS, not sandles.
Why in the world would a person not spellcheck an auction listing for heaven's sake? Perhaps the reason it bothers me so much is that is bespeaks a certain apathy and laziness with which our society seems to be gripped these days.
Or maybe it's just that I enjoy the feeling of superiority that sneering at their ineptitude gives me. It's not impossible. I can admit that. I am nothing if not self-actualized.4. And finally, I just have to say that migraines suck big hairy donkey balls.
I have had them from the age of 12 or 13, with a brief respite during my childbearing years.
I've tried a lot of different medications over the years, with little success. Frustrated, I gave up on meds altogether. For a long time, I've simply made do using a variety of coping mechanisms such as an ice pack to the back of my head, lying down in a dark, cold room, and OTC meds containing caffeine.
But lately, they have become more severe and more frequent. I suspect it's hormonal, since I am reaching that magical stage in a woman's life when everything in my body is thrown into chaos by declining estrogen. Chin hairs are the least of my problems girls.
So I've been working with my family practitioner to investigate various therapies. Because I have a history of high blood pressure brought on by Pre-Eclampsia in my second pregnancy, I can't take the magic pill. For me, Imitrex or any other drug in it's class (Triptans) carry an unacceptably high risk of stroke. Great.
Recently, I was prescribed a beta blocker, which works several different ways to combat migraines. It can be used as both preventative and abortificant. Unfortunately, it doesn't work for me in either respect.
It also makes me very nauseous, dizzy and again, sluggish. And as a bonus, after three days, I developed an itchy rash all over my body that made me want to crawl right out of my skin.
I got some pain killers, but I asked for non-narcotic pain reliever since I do not react well to narcotics. I get terribly nauseated and sometimes hallucinate. So my doctor prescribed something called Phrenalyn Forte, which is a mega dose of Acetaminophen and a muscle relaxer.
It works GREAT for menstrual cramps. Migaines? Not so much.
This past weekend I suffered the mother of all migraines. I was in bed for 72 hours and I had every symptom I have ever suffered and then some. I was ready to go the emergency room, which I have never, ever done, when it finally abated. For about 8 hours. Then I relapsed for another 12 hours.
I can't continue like that, obviously. My husband, who NEVER gets headaches, was convinced I had an aneurysm just moments from rupture, or something equally sinister.
In researching different therapies, I have been doing a lot of reading about the effects of Botox on migraines
. I am actually considering trying it, which goes against every ounce of common sense I posess.
But desperate times call for desperate measures. And I am
Plus, you know...I could do without those two big forehead wrinkles. Hey...just because my interest in Botox is strictly clinical does not mean I can't appreciate the aesthetic advantages as well.
If I'm going to have to suffer these motherflucking migraines I'm for damn sure going to find that silver lining and exploit it for all it's worth.
I think that's all I needed to get off my chest. Aren't you glad you stopped by today?