Blogs Are Stupid

Doesn't anyone believe in Dear Diary anymore? What happened to the joy of putting actual pen to paper? And why does every ordinary Jane and John think they can write well enough to burden the world with their scribblings? It’s a mystery that badly needs solving. My first entry contains my thoughts about blogging and will set your expectations. The rest will probably be stream of consciousness garbage, much like you’ll find on any other blog. Perhaps we will both come away enlightened.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Acceptance is the New Hunger

I have not suffered a serious case of writer's block in quite some time, and I'll admit, it's really got me out of sorts.

I don't really know why eloquence has abandoned me, but it's almost as if a part of me has been amputated.

When I sit here and stare at the screen, my fingers stumble over the keys, as my brain stumbles over the formulation of thoughts and ideas. The desertion has left me feeling decidedly handicapped.

You know that feeling when you go out by yourself, and you feel like something is missing? You check for your keys, they're there, you check for your wallet, it's there, cell phone, debit card, there, there. And then you realize that it's the sheer unencumbered freedom that has you feeling unbalanced and just....wrong?

That's hasn't happened to me in quite a while, because my boys have been in school full time for quite some years, and I've grown accustomed to being out by myself.

But it's an eerily similar feeling; something is missing and I have to find it.

So I have been examining this thing, this...handicap, trying to figure out what is laming me, why I can't seem to find anything to write about; why I can't seem to lay the groundwork for a good story or a compelling piece.

My personal stories I don't have the heart to tell right now.

The myriad little outrages I experience daily might be good filler, but they strike me as petty and pointless and stupid.

The important stuff I just don't seem to have the chops to tackle at the moment. What does it mean when a person can't muster up enough righteous indignation about anything?

Books are always good blog fodder, but right now, I'd rather actually read one than write about reading one. I'm feeling lazy and uninspired, I suppose.

My kids...sigh...they seem to take turns confounding me. Diminutive One is doing remarkably well and Pre-Pubescent One is driving me to an early grave at the ripe old age of 12 and 9/12ths. What more is there to say without sounding like every other "woe is me" blogger out there?

I could whine some more about life in the South...I always have an abundance of ammunition for that. But then, there's that pesky little "no whining" thing I so foolishy threw out there for all the world to see and hold me accountable for.

Accountability is kind of a downer sometimes.

Politics? I just don't do them. I will comment on a political post by someone else on occasion but I don't put my own head in that particular lion's mouth. I learned that lesson long ago.

Marital issues? Eh. We have 'em, sure. But by and large, my husband rocks and my complaints are largely inconsequential. Those that I do have I keep private, out of respect for him. He didn't ask to have his life put on display and he doesn't deserve to have his actions examined and judged by people who have no idea who he is as a person or a father or a human being.

It occurs to me then, that this is not a disease unto itself, but a symptom of a larger malaise.

Dissatisfaction.

It's a demon with which I have been wrestling for some time, as those of you who have been reading for a while, know.

Sometimes, I wonder if I'm the kind of person who is ever truly satisfied. Maybe I'm one of those people who is always hungering for something. And if so, maybe that is not always a bad thing. There are things that are worth hungering for: truth, knowledge, experience, justice, beauty....

But when one is a middle class stay at home Mom with limited options and resources, hunger is not a very contructive component in one's life.

In fact, it can really be a bitch.

Acceptance. Now there's a useful thing.

Don't you think people who just accept are, by and large, happier people?

I do.

Therefore, my secondary resolution for this year is to be more accepting of the way things are, instead of wishing so hard that they were different; and losing myself to anger and resentment when they are not.

Acceptance has never been my strong suit, but after 38 years, maybe it's time to try something different.

I'll let you know how that works out.

22 Comments:

  • At 8:31 AM, Blogger KT said…

    I need to jump on your bandwagon of acceptance. I'm right there with ya. Hang in there!

     
  • At 8:38 AM, Blogger Avalon said…

    BA~~~ I find that resolution completely unacceptable. Just sayin'.

     
  • At 8:48 AM, Anonymous KathyB said…

    I agree with "people who just accept are, by and large, happier people". I think it is a daily challenge to not judge others even in the smallest way. For me, it feels like I cannot truly be happy and content within myself when I don't accept others just as they are. I remember reading that if we judge others it is always about some insecurity we have about ourselves and I can always find that insecurity if I look at myself honestly. Everything you wrote today could have been wriiten by me - if I could write like you do. We are all the same...

     
  • At 9:31 AM, OpenID wheelsonthebus said…

    This is a resolution I have made lately and it has indeed made me much happier.

     
  • At 10:00 AM, Blogger Jen M. said…

    Oh yeah. People who just roll with it are definitely happier - or probably more consistently so.

    I'll take the peaks and valleys. The peaks seem more fun after a bit of writer's block, or whatever it may be....

    You'll get your mojo back.

     
  • At 11:46 AM, Blogger Mitzi Green said…

    yes, people who just "accept" things are by and large much happier people. but i've come to realize they're also among the less intelligent of the bunch. sorry, but people with higher IQs have a tendency to be grumpy, depressed, and generally unpleasant and i think it's because they just can't accept that they can't change the world.

    me, i've made that resolution before--to be more accepting--and it hasn't happened yet. so i take my daily dose of happy pill and try to live my life in spite of the fact the world still has qualities i find sucky.

     
  • At 12:32 PM, Blogger Mac and Cheese said…

    "It is better to be Socrates dissatisfied than pig satisfied" - John Stuart Mill

    I never bought into that line of thinking, but I am, afterall, a bit of a pig.

     
  • At 1:19 PM, Blogger Amy Y said…

    I think Mitzi said it best... and I think people who accept are perhaps happier on the surface but how much of that is forced, fake? How many have a deeper burning, yearning? Who knows.

    Anyway, don't fret too much. It'll come back. It's in you and you can't escape it. Perhaps that part of your brain is still hibernating. Even if you are in the South, it's still winter.

     
  • At 2:07 PM, Blogger flutter said…

    remember too, that topamax can make you a little wonky, don't be too hard on yourself.

     
  • At 5:13 PM, Blogger Antique Mommy said…

    In my experience, in "most" cases acceptance is the better way to go. Then you can move on. If you can change it, change it. If you can't, accept it and move along. There's something to be said for contentment.

     
  • At 8:30 PM, Blogger Life As I Know It said…

    I think acceptance is ok, as long as you're not settling.
    I related to your post in so many ways. I am always feeling like I want something more. I get bored after a few years of doing any one thing. But I've come to accept that about myself and realize I'm more interesting when I'm a little restless.
    Great, and thoughtful post.

     
  • At 9:52 PM, Blogger Jozet at Halushki said…

    "Out of sorts"...I'm there with you.

    I blame it on January. January is the worst time of year to review one's life and make resolutions...I mean, if anyone is asking me.

    I think that mid-winter is the season of acceptance, not change. Days are still dark, life is slow near to hibernating...it's not the time for get-up-and-go; it's the time for sitting still and watching long shadows over a cup of tea and a good book. It's time for soaking in it. Steeping in it. Living in one's skin for a while.

    The sun will come back around. And all that you've been steeping in will suddenly want words.

    (BTW, thank you for your comment on my blog. Empathy and understanding are going a long way with me right now.)

     
  • At 12:18 AM, Blogger Carol said…

    OMG! I just posted something eerily similar to this! Is it January? I have a feeling we're not alone!

    Carol

     
  • At 11:05 AM, Blogger Mary Alice said…

    "Acceptance. Now there's a useful thing." That is the most brilliant statement I have heard all month. Now, I bet you could make some money selling tee shirts with that logo on them at cafe press.

     
  • At 3:50 PM, Blogger painted maypole said…

    "Accountability is kind of a downer sometimes. "

    yup! ;)

    and i do think people who accept are often happier. although with a caveat - i think people who still strive for change in areas that TRULY NEED change, and accept the things they can't change or aren't worth their effort - they are happier AND more fulfilled.

     
  • At 4:19 PM, Blogger mamatulip said…

    I'm here just after posting my resolution, after posting previously that I didn't make resolutions. I'm resolving to let go of my baggage. Quite a tall order, for me.

    But one that I'm ready for.

    Because, like you, I think it's time for me to try something different.

    Good luck, BA.

     
  • At 4:50 PM, Blogger Christine said…

    I've been having a very hard time writing since we moved...so that's a good two months now.

    At first I thought it was just because I was busy with the move, and certainly part of it was.

    But when I'm honest with myself it's mostly because I've been feeling depressed. Not in a major clinical depressive state but instead a low grade, feeling sorry for myself zone...I'm finding it hard to trudge out of that foggy area to a clear and open place where I can think and create.

     
  • At 6:14 PM, OpenID pootandcubby said…

    I loved this post.

    I actually don't think it's such a bad thing to be unsatisfied. It means that you are eager for challenges and are constantly trying to better yourself and the world around you.

    I also liked Mitzi's comment - maybe you can chalk your feelings up to being an intelligent person? I think I would rather be unhappy, but informed than be an "ignorance is bliss" kind of person. Having said that, I too am trying hard to be more accepting of things to try and be happier with everything I have. And I do know I have a lot.

    -andi

     
  • At 7:27 PM, Blogger Jenn said…

    Oh, do keep me posted on how that works out for you.

    Then, perhaps, world peace? ;)

     
  • At 8:32 PM, Blogger the end of motherhood said…

    I wonder what happens if you accept your writer's block...

     
  • At 10:12 PM, OpenID minnesotamom said…

    I remember the apostle Paul writing about the ability to be content in every situation (I imagine this included writer's block...I can just imagine him hemming and hawing over his second letter to the Corinthians, wondering if it would be as good as the first). It is surely something to admire and strive after, but I don't know that "acceptance" is the same. To me it almost implies lying down and admitting defeat. But...I'm sure it makes for happier people at times.

    Sigh...

     
  • At 11:21 AM, Blogger Donna said…

    As others have said, it's the time of year. I notice I don't get nearly as many new posts to read from Bloglines as usual. I've resorted to posting about trips to the grocery store and cleaning house and drinking water. Yeah, it's that bad.

    Hang in there; you'll feel more like blogging with the first signs of spring. Wait, where are you? Maybe you're in some land of eternal spring. Oh well.

     

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