Blogs Are Stupid

Doesn't anyone believe in Dear Diary anymore? What happened to the joy of putting actual pen to paper? And why does every ordinary Jane and John think they can write well enough to burden the world with their scribblings? It’s a mystery that badly needs solving. My first entry contains my thoughts about blogging and will set your expectations. The rest will probably be stream of consciousness garbage, much like you’ll find on any other blog. Perhaps we will both come away enlightened.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Of Love and Ice Cream

Not long ago, a friend and I were discussing "marrying people" vs. "not marrying" people, and what distinguishes them from one another. We never did really arrive at any hard and fast conclusions other than that I, am marrying people, and that she, quite possibly, is not.

Frankly, I think she is "marrying people" but isn't quite ready to admit to it just yet.

And I have to admit that being "marrying people" at 40, as opposed to being "marrying people" at 20 is a lot larger leap of faith.

I got married at 23. Twenty. Three. Think of yourself at 23. How clueless were you? I didn't know anything about anything and either did he. We didn't discuss life goals, financial strategies, religious beliefs, parenting philosophies.

What did we discuss? God, it seems like we discussed everything else, because I really fell in love with him because he could carry on a decent conversation. You think I'm kidding, but after an ill fated romance with a man who was undeniably good hearted, but conversationally maladroit, it was a powerful aphrodisiac.

But it turns out, we didn't really talk about anything that might pertain to our life together, until we were already living it.

If I were going to get married today, that would strike me as slightly foolhardy. I think my list of pre-requisites would be a lot more stringent now, especially if I was going to go into a marriage with children already in tow.

Frankly, that thought makes me want to curl up in a ball and go to my happy place. No, not that one, the metaphorical one.

I didn't dig dating all that much when I was young and firm and could dance the night away with few repercussions. I certainly don't relish the thought of doing all that now, with the added baggage of self-image issues.

I mean...don't get me wrong. I'm no Christie Brinkley, but I don't turn stomachs either.

But good Lord, can you imagine taking your clothes off in front of a man and knowing that he's looking at your stretch marks and your sagging breasts and your cellulite without the soft focus filter of love to blur the imperfections?

Can you imagine lying there, while a strange man makes love to you, and wondering if he can tell that you've birthed a baby whose head measured only slightly less in circumference than an actual basketball and whose size so stunned the staff that every single person in the delivery room said "WHOA" at the same time?

And you can't exactly inquire, now can you?

"MMMMM, that feels so gooooooood. It's soooooo biiiiiiiiiggggg. Say there lover... you're not thinking of that song 'Wide Open Spaces' right now, by any chance, are ya?

It makes me feel slightly verklempt.

So....all that is a really round about way of saying...I like being married, and I plan to stay married a very long time. It's true that there is nothing like the thrill of a new romance. But I'm now old enough and wise enough to realize that it's not worth sacrificing safety, security, acceptance and contentment for. It's not worth giving up on deep, abiding love.

I like comfortable. I like finishing each other's sentences. I like knowing what he is thinking before he thinks it and vice versa. I like being able to say everything we need to with a look, a gesture, a touch. I like knowing that even when I'm at my worst, he thinks I'm the best. For real.

That is not to say, that aren't days that I dig being married more than others.

The other day was one of those dug it days.

Why? I don't know. We were just clicking.

After reading "Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe", I decided that my poor husband needed a good Southern meal. I rarely cook Southern cuisine, because I just don't think of it. When I'm planning meals, black eyed peas, collard greens, corn bread, okra and the like are not even in my sphere of consciousness.

Plus, I bid my gallbladder a fond farewell several years ago, and now, if I indulge too heavily in fatty, rich, or fried foods, I pay for it in numerous ways. I'll spare you the details.

Also, to be quite honest, I loathe cooking and that's a lot of labor intensive crap that I just don't like to do. Slicing, dicing, dunking, dredging, frying, boiling, mashing. Ugh.

Then there is the fact that I, having been born well North of the Mason Dixon line, simply lack the genes required to prepare certain Southern staples. I firmly believe that one must have the fried chicken gene and the biscuit gene hardcoded into their DNA in order to pull off these feats of culinary complexity.

Oh, I've been taught. Husband has NINE aunts, all of whom, plus my mother in law, and his grandmother, have patiently instructed me in their own personal technique for frying chicken and making biscuits. I took notes. I practiced. It all made perfect sense. And still I couldn't do it.

I can make German dumplings that are light as flippin air, but I cannot make a biscuit that does not sink like a hockey puck.

Regardless, I prepared a delicious Southern meal of barbecued chicken, fried okra, fried green tomatoes (Those, I can handle), corn, and cornbread. Yes, the meal was lacking a carbohydrate. Having been raised in a family with strong German heritage, I was raised believing that a meal is not complete without a potato, a noodle, or a bread. But I had to nix the fried 'taters (they do actually call them that) due to a lack of time, a third frying pan, and a full household staff.

It occurs to me now, that is how Southern women pulled off these meals day in and day out way back when. They had SLAVES. Because one person can't fry seventeen things without burning something beyond recognition and/or salvation. The Southern lady of old simply orchestrated.

Husband was pleased, Diminutive One actually deigned to touch one sliver of fried green tomato to his tongue, and Pre-Pubescent One ate everything with gusto.

I had planned to pick up a carton of Birthday Cake ice cream. I loves me some Birthday Cake ice cream, and since the curse of Eve was bearing down upon me with the force and velocity of a steaming locomotive, I meant to have some.

But focused as I was on the details of the meal, I simply forgot. It wasn't until we were leaning back in our chairs groaning, that I realized it.

"Crap. I was going to get ice cream." I said morosely.

Truthfully, I had snarfed down about 84 slices of fried green tomato and really didn't have room for ice cream. But it was the principal of the thing. I might want some later. Like...breakfast.

Husband looked at me and smirked.

"Oh shut up." I snarled. "You know what's coming. I can't help it."

"Guess what I got you on the way home."


He nodded.

"I did so."

And he had. The good kind too, not that store bought garbage. No, this was the rich creamy, hand churned ice cream stand kind with REAL frosting swirling through it.

And see...when you think about it, it's really that simple. When you're married, you always have someone to bring you ice cream.

And then not say a word when you eat the whole pint.


  • At 1:16 AM, Blogger Carol said…

    What a sweet post! And what a sweet HUBBY! I agree about the comfort of it all. We've known each other for over 30 years now... I can't even imagine starting over again!


  • At 5:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I think our posts today are paired, or something.

    I have to say, I think if I ever found myself single again, I just would give up on sex. I don't think I could handle sex with a stranger at this point.

  • At 7:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    It's really not that bad -- and at this age if a man cares about the stretch marks or the pooch or anything else -- he doesn't belong where he could be seeing them!

    Actually --- it's all quite fun. Brand new people in my 40's is better than it ever was when I was younger.

    But, I wouldn't advise trading in a great husband just to test it out!

  • At 8:24 AM, Blogger Avalon said…

    I'd still rather buy my own ice cream and spare myself the rest of the aggravation.

    I guess I'm the non-marrying kind.

  • At 8:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I completely agree...I couldn't imagine going back into the dating scene again. My husband is being so sweet right now (I'm in the middle of dealing with three (3!) kidney stones, so I'm slightly needy.) that I am practically swooning again after nineteen years of marriage. It just doesn't get any better than that. :o)

  • At 9:12 AM, Blogger sltbee69 said…

    I just love this post! I've been with my husband for over half my life, 20 years, married for almost 17. I didn't do the dating scene has I had only dated 2 other before him. When I think about the what ifs of something ever happening to him, it scares me to death. I know I wouldn't want to start all over. As far as sex - that's what B.O.B. is for. Thanks for making me realize why I love being married to him. Sometimes it can be easy to forget.

  • At 10:12 AM, Blogger painted maypole said…

    i would not want to be dating again, either. ack.

  • At 10:35 AM, Blogger we_be_toys said…

    What a good hubby! Just when you think the honeymoon is over, he goes and ANTICIPATES something you might need.

  • At 12:12 PM, Blogger Mitzi Green said…

    i hear you. my own husband went out last night and bought me a pint of hog-en daas dulce de leche and didn't bat an eye when i almost finished it and called it "dinner." and i didn't even cook.

  • At 12:16 PM, Blogger Chicky Chicky Baby said…

    What a good man. I love moments like that, even if they are few and far between.

    But damn you on the barbecue! Now I have to drive a half an hour in order to find some decent fried okra because there is no way on God's green earth I'm going to make it.

  • At 12:51 PM, Blogger SUEB0B said…

    Aw...I'm glad it is working for you.

    Me, not so much. Cranky old spinster.

  • At 2:15 PM, Blogger Middle Girl said…

    Agreed, being able to have a decent conversation with your partner does indeed trump most everything else.

    Cheers x 3 for you and your hubby.

  • At 3:32 PM, Blogger Mary Alice said…

    I agree, comfortable and married is wonderful - I have been married since I was 18...but even that didn't make me as young as my son's married classmate that I posted about yesterday. At least she already knows who her senior prom date is.

  • At 5:30 PM, Blogger Polgara said…

    What a beautiful post.
    I'm 34 and have been married less than a year.
    I have been told the first year/s are the hardest and it has been tough at times with some things that have happened but still when i imagine us after years together i imagine the kind of thing you wrote about
    Guess i am the marrying kind :0)

  • At 5:36 PM, Blogger Shelley Jaffe said…

    It sounds like a match made in heaven (I meant you two, not the love and ice cream. Although that works too...) - oh how I love those telekinetic marriage moments. Yet another amazing post! That must be why you've been mentioned in my Superbowl of Love...

  • At 7:03 PM, Blogger said…

    Damn. What do I comment about first? That I'm drooling over the thought of fried green tomatoes in the wintry February of IL? That I know what it feels like to have a hubby who willingly brings home thousands of calories all for me?

    I think I will mainly say amen to the fact that the thought of another man seeing me naked, after 3 kids have stretched my body till it whimpered "UNCLE!!!" makes me want to retch. Honestly. And if THAT thought isn't enough to make a woman work hard on her marriage, then I don't know what will.

  • At 8:29 PM, Blogger Angela said…

    I needed a reminder during a hard patch. Although my husband and son are out of state this week.
    Dating is a lot of work so is marriage.
    Some days I just don't know!
    I guessit is good that I love him

    So sweet of your husband!!!

  • At 10:07 PM, Blogger flutter said…

    He is a DOLL.

  • At 11:30 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    With that kind of connection I think you're 'doomed' to remain hitched.

    Similarly, I don't think I would have the strength to begin again for so many of the reasons you mentioned.

    So saying a very close pal of mine [post twins and third child and divorce of 15 years] did find a new love of her life and started again in her mid forties. They're both [all] extremely happy together , so it definitely can happen.

    When you have a mo, pop on over and collect your award [as at todays date]

  • At 6:03 PM, Blogger nina said…

    Dear God BA! I will never be able to hear the Dixie Chicks again without thinking of your vagina...

  • At 6:12 PM, Blogger Forever In Blue Jeans said…

    BA- what a great post. It's kind of what it's all about I think. It finding someone that fits your puzzle piece. It's knowing that you may have just had a horrible fight, but you deep down inside you know they would do anything for you, and you for them. Maybe it all boils down to that word. Knowing.

  • At 12:06 AM, Blogger Kiy said…

    I loved this post. I felt like I was *right there* especially when he told you he got you ice cream! I have a guy like that too, took a long time (and a lot of toads) to find him and I am never ever ever letting him go.

    Took too long to train him.

    Kidding, kidding. (Mostly)

    Thanks again for a great post. I read it, walked over and kissed my hubby ... and made him wonder why. :)


  • At 1:04 PM, Blogger Fairly Odd Mother said…

    You guys are perfect for each other! Love this post. I totally understand what you mean about the 'thrill' of the new love and how it could never replace long-term, committed love.

    And, I've never had fried green tomatoes but they sound awesome.

  • At 12:57 PM, Blogger Jaelithe said…

    My husband and I got married when we were both 23. But we HAD discussed our views on politics, religion, philosophy, marriage, divorce, and child-rearing in great depth.

    Actually, we discussed all of those things ON OUR FIRST DATE. Literature and movies, too. We spent about eight hours talking on our first date. We talked until four in the morning.

    I think this had to do with both of us coming from divorced, dysfunctional families, and both of us having had previous serious dating relationships.

    We just didn't want any nonsense.

    Good thing we were so compatible, too, given I wound up accidentally pregnant before the wedding. Heh.

  • At 1:50 PM, Blogger Amy Y said…

    (still trying to get caught up from being in HI for a week ~ saved the best for last).
    This was so sweet!!!
    I am married people too... I was married at 21, which now seems sooo young to me. I wouldn't change it for the world and love the perks that go along with having a great hubby! :)


Post a Comment

<< Home