Blogs Are Stupid

Doesn't anyone believe in Dear Diary anymore? What happened to the joy of putting actual pen to paper? And why does every ordinary Jane and John think they can write well enough to burden the world with their scribblings? It’s a mystery that badly needs solving. My first entry contains my thoughts about blogging and will set your expectations. The rest will probably be stream of consciousness garbage, much like you’ll find on any other blog. Perhaps we will both come away enlightened.

Monday, April 07, 2008

What's In A Name?

Weeeeellllll....not only am I bad at following rules, it seems I am also patently transparent.

Number 2 is indeed the falsehood.

However, almost all of it is true. My grandmother's name really was Wilhelmina Ernestina Steinberg. My maiden name is only one letter removed from the word "scrotum". Yeah. My high school years were not at all traumatic. You have to move a couple letters around to make it work, but it was close enough for bitchy queen bee cheerleader types.

My actual middle name is fairly mundane and is almost always used in conjunction with my first name, which is also mundane. So a boring first name, humiliating last name...is it any wonder that I fantasized endlessly about changing my name to something glamorous and sophisticated?

My moniker of choice changed often, and usually reflected my interests or experiences at the time. Some of my choices were:

Alexandra Sommerton (conceived in my soap opera phase)

Chantal Chaurent (completely made up, but it sounded convincingly French to me, and at the time, I was a hardcore francophile)

Lauren Elizabeth (I thought two first names was the ultimate in Sophistication)

Jamie Majors (taken from my profound love of the Bionic Man and Woman)

Sylvia Vincent (created during my deep and melancholoy phase as a tribute to Sylvia Plath and Edna St. Vincent Millay)

There were more, I'm sure, but those are the ones that I loved the most. At one time, I had actually planned to name my girl child Lauren Elizabeth. SIGH.

When I got engaged to Husband, people actually asked me if I was going to keep my maiden name, or perhaps hyphenate. You would have to know the names to appreciate the hilarity of that question. I was most certainly not keeping or hyphenating my name. I had, after all, been waiting my whole life to get rid of it. I had had my fill of nutsack jokes.

My boys have good names. And my husband, unlike his cavalcade of cousins, has a pretty normal name as well. Nobody would guess that he was Southern just from his name. I know that kids will always find something for which to pick on one another, but at least I can remove that temptation from the equation of childhood humiliation.

So, anyway....thanks to those who participated. The winner, chosen at random from those who guessed correctly, is Jaime. Please email me with your information and I'll get your book in the mail.

13 Comments:

  • At 10:53 PM, Blogger jen said…

    Betsy Sue Srotum?

    Mary Jo Scrotu?

    i'll continue to ponder this.

     
  • At 11:21 PM, Blogger flutter said…

    LMAO @ jen!

     
  • At 11:31 PM, Blogger Sharon said…

    I moved some letters around and came up with.... Strocum. Hmmmm, that may be worse.

     
  • At 11:36 PM, Blogger Sharon said…

    Revising my previous comment.... I've come up with Stocum. Final answer.

     
  • At 6:41 AM, Blogger anne said…

    There is a town in PA called Scotrun and EVERY time I see the name, I see Scrotum.

     
  • At 7:56 AM, Blogger Leigh said…

    My maiden name was Rice. One would not think that it would be THAT annoying. But after many, many years of being called Rice-A-Roni, I was very happy to get married and be rid of it. I think that I would have refused to marry based on a bad last name. LOL

     
  • At 11:18 AM, Blogger the only daughter said…

    I was nearly Clementine, or so the family lore goes. Apparently, I have my father to thank that I'm not.

     
  • At 11:35 AM, Blogger Christine said…

    Oh, I hear you on the mundane first name. I don't feel attachment to my name at all...I kinda feel like I might as well have been named, "Hey, you!"

    My husband's name is Christopher. Yup. We chose our kid's names very carefully.

    The only daughter...I love the name Clementine. In fact, my husband nixed it for our daughter! Probably just as well, in retrospect. Those pregnancy hormone!

     
  • At 11:50 AM, Blogger mamatulip said…

    One letter away from the word 'scrotum'?

    Ouch.

    Aren't you glad you got to marry?

    :)

     
  • At 5:54 PM, Blogger Chicky Chicky Baby said…

    Well, I know your first name. Now I'm DYING to know your maiden name.

    And I don't know why but every time I hear the word "scrotum" I think of Procol Harum. Yes, I know that doesn't make any sense.

     
  • At 6:24 PM, Blogger Jaime said…

    woo hoo!! off to email you now...

     
  • At 7:18 PM, Blogger SUEB0B said…

    OMG one of my fantasy names was "Laurel Elizabeth." We could have been twins.

     
  • At 10:40 AM, Blogger Kirdy said…

    I know someone with the last name "Crapp" who married someone with last name "Gass". Can you imagine if she hyphenated?

     

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