Blogs Are Stupid

Doesn't anyone believe in Dear Diary anymore? What happened to the joy of putting actual pen to paper? And why does every ordinary Jane and John think they can write well enough to burden the world with their scribblings? It’s a mystery that badly needs solving. My first entry contains my thoughts about blogging and will set your expectations. The rest will probably be stream of consciousness garbage, much like you’ll find on any other blog. Perhaps we will both come away enlightened.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Who's Laughing Now?

Nobody.

Remember this?

Well, it has turned out to be the incident that won't go away.

You see, today, my ten year old, who looks terribly cherubic and guileless, which makes it all the more shocking for people when he says or does something...rude...told another child at school, in earshot of several adults to..."Suck My Balls"

Oy.

See the thing with younger siblings, is that it is so much harder to hold onto their innocence. They pick up stuff from the older ones. There is a gang of boys that hangs around our house that range in age from 9 to 17. And many of Pubescent One's friends have older brothers.

Have you had occasion to listen in on a typical conversation being had by 17 year old boys, recently?

I have.

This past summer at the pool, a group of 3 high school boys sat down only a couple of lounge chairs away from mine and began to have a very ungaurded conversation about all manner of things, but mostly, sex, drugs and rock n' roll.

Either I didn't look like much of a threat, or they didn't realize I could hear them so well. So I heard some pretty vile, vulgar, and disgusting things.

Now, I do realize that half of what they said was sheer, unadulterated bloviation for the benefit of their peers. But bloviation or not, the things they were discussing were things no ten year old should hear.

But there's not much I can do about it. That's just the way it is and it's the way it was when I was a kid as well. I suspect that in the 50's, teenagers were telling their younger siblings about Elvis and Jerry Lee Lewis and snickering about tight angora sweaters.

Heck, I remember telling my younger sister all kinds of stuff. I enjoyed shocking her, and I enjoyed feeling worldly and sophisticated; superior in my knowledge of things not spoken of in our home. All matters sexual were of primary interest, because my mother was very closed mouthed about such things. We were pretty clueless, but plenty curious.

We found out what we wanted to know. Unfortunately, much of it was pure bunk.

But what am I going to do? Tell him can't play football with the kids in the street? Tell him he can't play kick the can on summer nights, when the air is balmy and they are frisky as young colts with their newfound freedom? Make him sit inside and watch from the window as everyone else has fun?

Life is hard enough for him. I just can't do it.

And even if I did all that, it wouldn't keep his brother from sharing all his worldy discoveries with him.

And yet, I feel like maybe that is what I should have done.

The principal was quite incenced by his vulgarity. She is a grandmotherly sort, and a staunch Christian to boot.

If you want to know the God's honest truth, I wasn't nearly as incensed as she was, although, I suppose, I probably should have been. But they're just words.

He is a vulnerable kid. His anxiety issues, his social awkwardness, and the feelings of worthlessness that stem from his learning disability, make him extremely sensitive to teasing and unkindness. Words are his only weapon. He wouldn't fight, and he wouldn't respond in kind if someone wounded him with an insult.

Saying "Suck My Balls", frankly, is far more acceptable to me, than punching some kid in the nose.

Regardless, they are coming down hard on him. Very hard. He has lost recess for five days. He has to eat lunch in the principal's office for five days (the incident occurred in the lunch room) AND, he will not be able to participate in field day, which he loves more than anything.

She wanted to suspend him as well, but I pointed out suspension would really be more of a reward than a punishment for Diminutive One. Also, there is the CRCT to consider, so he really dodged a bullett there.

I can't help feeling that his brother should share in his misery somewhat. It was him, afterall, that put this particular wheel in motion.

I'm going to have to give that one some thought. But I do know that YouTube is officially blocked from both computers. I have considered it in the past, but decided that most of what they were looking at was harmless.

That'll teach me to trust the little buggers.

Again...the monster thing? So much easier.

26 Comments:

  • At 2:40 PM, Blogger KT said…

    youtube....my 7 year old has discovered it for finding hannah montana videos, but has come across some things i don't want her to see. so now i have to sit WITH her when she wants to do that. it's annoying. I feel your pain..I am a few years behind you, but will be dealing with girls. I sympathize, though.

     
  • At 3:10 PM, Blogger sltbee69 said…

    Groan. It's unfortunate that it happened but geeze louise, I can think of far worse things he could have been caught doing (like bringing a gun to school) to have that threat of suspension. I think, I too, would be tempted to have big brother share in the punishment.

     
  • At 3:48 PM, Anonymous flybunny said…

    That is far to severe of punishment for the crime and removal of physical activities should never ever be used as punishment.

    I have been reading The Kazdin Method of Parenting the Defiant Child by Alan Kazdin and he has a very insightful chapter devoted entirely to punishment and how as a whole it is overused and often does nothing to curtail the activity.

    In this example eating lunch with the principal one day would probaby do the trick. It is too bad that schools in this day still rely on outdated methods that have been proven not to work, or at least don't work for a child like DO (or my own spirited child).

     
  • At 4:22 PM, Blogger Mac and Cheese said…

    I remember having somewhat of a potty-mouth in grade six even though I was a goody-two-shoes. I don't think you can stop kids from trying to impress their peers with crude phrases, and you can't really stop them from learning new ones if they go to school. This still might be worthwhile lesson to know the right time and place for such things.

     
  • At 4:30 PM, Blogger crazymumma said…

    poor kid. I know we are not supposed to use that language, but it seems like REAL bullies get away with so much more!

     
  • At 5:58 PM, Blogger Day Dreamer said…

    We blocked UTube as well unless we're with them. They get so upset with us. TooFreakin'Bad. We saw him looking at some stick-figure-animation that was a little too adult for our tastes.

    Oh, we laughed at it later, by ourselves. But it's too much for the kids.

    I think that the school went a little far. It's hard, tho, because everyone's idea of how you should parent differs.

    I shudder to think of what my son (Wise A) says when we're not around. He has some older step-sibs and cousins showing him the ropes.

    (When they were in our tummies, we had NO IDEA what we were in for!)

     
  • At 6:06 PM, Blogger Amy Y said…

    Oh, dear. It sounds like they are coming down awfully hard for someone who is telling a kid to "suck my balls" for the first time. If he were caught saying it all the time, that'd be one thing... or if he were routinely speaking with less than enriching language... But I'm guessing this is a first offense?

    Ugh.

     
  • At 6:36 PM, Blogger the only daughter said…

    I'll preface this my saying again (I'm sure) I'm soooo glad my kids are in their 20s. It was hard enough in the mid-late 80s & nineties. Today? whole. nutha. level.

    Now, yes, the punishment doesn't fit the crime. True, some punishment but the amount meted out is too severe for this one (rather small) infraction.

    The WWW has made it necessary for parents to possess Ninja skills (make that SUPER Ninja).

    Oy.

     
  • At 7:29 PM, Blogger West Coast Diva said…

    My guess is that he thinks twice before he tells anyone to suck his balls again:) I laughed when I read it. Sorry!

    Our kid we have made a deal with because we know how interesting and tempting it is to experiment with words. The car (with my spouse and I in it) is open territory for my son to say whatever he wants. No holding back, he can say whatever.

    Same for in the house when it's just the three of us. But in school, at Grandma's, or any other place other than the car or home he has to reel it in, and behave himself and say only those appropriate things that are acceptable.

    If he breaks those rules he pays the piper, when in Rome...as they say.

    But I have to say the suck my balls thing is pretty funny:)

     
  • At 7:48 PM, Blogger jen said…

    suspension? seriously?

    is it wrong that i laughed at the suck my balls?

    is it?

     
  • At 9:01 PM, Blogger All Things BD said…

    My daughter got in trouble at school for telling a friend she was going to "sock them in the knockers". When the teacher told me, I couldn't help but giggle, and the teacher was offended that I didn't take it seriously.

    Turns out she didn't even know what it meant, and I think she was trying to say "knock your socks off". If they tried to suspend her, I think I would have hit the roof.

    C'mon, of all the things he could be saying, I just can't get all worked up over suck my balls.

     
  • At 12:36 AM, Anonymous mel from freak parade said…

    What an incredibly over the top punishment for a tiny, little crime. I think one day would have been fine. Does the school deal with real bullies that harshly?
    Like mac and cheese commented above....in the 6th grade, I was also a goody two shoes with a horrible potty mouth. All of my friends were potty mouths as well. I think it is just the age. They experiment with words...try them out. I didn't keep my potty mouth.
    My kids both are allowed to say things that others would not allow their kids to say...nothing crazy....but, still. They are learning that what is acceptable to say at home is not necessarily acceptable everywhere else. I have a feeling that Diminutive One will be a quick study in that particular rule. :)

     
  • At 7:31 AM, Blogger Avalon said…

    One punishment would have been plenty sufficient. Sounds like the principal needs a time out.

     
  • At 8:45 AM, Blogger Traceytreasure said…

    I'm sorry that everyone doesn't think South Park is funny. I probably only think it's funny because they haven't made fun of me yet. Anyway, your 13 y.o. didn't coin the phrase or make it up. Trey Parker and Matt Stone did. These guys have been around for a long time. They are crazy and funny but not everyone gets them! Good Luck! (hugs)

     
  • At 9:07 AM, Anonymous Doug said…

    Times they are a changin'

    I remember being at a football game with my son (he was 10 or 11). The two guys behind us were extremely drunk one so much so that I feared being puked on. Well his buddy kept dropping the F-bomb, even after I asked him a number of times to tone down it down in front of my son. He would apologize and then continue it two sentences later.

    When the game ended, he made one last apology to which I replied, "one day you will have kids and you will understand. Just remember this day." Given his state of intoxication, I doubt he will remember much of anything about that day.

    It bothers me to hear the constant bleeping from the TV and shows like Family Guy are off limits to the young one.

    What's acceptable and what borders on the edge certainly has changed. Since the F-bomb is so commonplace that leaves only the C word and the N word on the dark side.

    Oddly enough the N word was not uncommon and didn't carry the same weight when I was in HS and college. Maybe there is hope the F-bomb will disappear.

     
  • At 9:09 AM, Anonymous Doug said…

    Oh I forgot. Lunch in the principals office.....feed him lots of beans and let him know it's ok to let 'em rip.

     
  • At 9:28 AM, Anonymous Andrea said…

    Am I horrible for chuckling at this just a little bit? Not that there's not something to be taught here, because there is.

    Learn to say those kinds of things out of earshot of adults.

    Just teasing. But you know that's part of what he's going to have learned from this.

    But yes, it's about a certain level of respect, so I agree that there should be consequences, but a suspension? Seriously? I muttered under my breath "this sucks" when I was 8 years old and we were given homework in class. The teacher thought someone else had said it and punished the kid sitting next to me. I hesitated for a few minutes, long enough for the kid to get worried that I wasn't going to own up to it, and then I went to talk to the teacher and tell her that I said it, not the kid next to me.

    I lost recess privileges for the afternoon. Sure, it's not quite as nasty as "suck my balls" but it was in a catholic school and I did nearly let the kid next to me take the punishment. I kind of think the principal is overreacting.

    But I also agree with you that PO should be effected by this as well.

    Oh, I can't wait to see what Gabe will teach Anna.

     
  • At 10:04 AM, Blogger Traceytreasure said…

    I'm with Chris only I'd feed him beans, salad and milk for breakfast. Gotta give'm time to work! ;)

     
  • At 10:05 AM, Blogger Traceytreasure said…

    Sorry, I meant Doug! It's early.

     
  • At 10:47 AM, Blogger Jozet at Halushki said…

    Well, the epithet was humorous, but yes, I tend to sit hard on these types of things. I actually do tell my kids that it is their decision whether and what kind of language to use, but as with other basic cultural etiquette which has really the sole purpose of making other people feel comfortable - everything from saying "please" and "thank you" to not wearing a toga to a job interview unless you're applying for a job as an extra in Gladiator - we pretty much use different types of diction in different company mostly "just because".

    I think that it really is like learning multiple languages. There is how you talk with one group of buddies who all tacitly agree more or less not to take offense, and then there is the way you talk around other people. The school situation is difficult, because if the teacher overheard, then other children could overhear.

    Anyway, I probably would have had to try to not giggle too much at "suck my balls", especially since most of these things would never be uttered at all if kids were half-way thinking of how much the literal meaning is ooky in ten different ways.

     
  • At 1:05 PM, Blogger Chicky Chicky Baby said…

    They came down pretty hard on him. I suppose now, though, he won't soon forget that words can be just as harmful as weapons. But still, a little hard on the poor kid...

    I remember what we were saying at that age. Oy! I'm not looking forward to dealing with that.

     
  • At 1:16 PM, Blogger Jess Riley said…

    Your poor kid! I remember acting a little big for my britches just to impress my friends--and getting caught (and majorly punished) by the teacher.

    (And from some other things I've heard lately from kids in my neighborhood, "suck my balls" is kind of tame, actually!)

     
  • At 6:57 PM, Blogger Shelley said…

    I also think the principal is being much too harsh. Guess they're trying to make an example of someone, at his expense, which just sucks.

    I deal with this issue all the time, as I have a 5 year-old daughter with two teenaged sisters. She hears things that normal 5 year-olds don't hear, I think. She always talks about "when she's a teenager", and "when she can drive." Her oldest sister just got her first car. This kid is FIVE. It scares me. I mean, my kids are good kids, but there's a huge difference in what you learn on Blue's Clues and what you learn on Zoey 101 or Drake and Josh.

    Yesterday, I told my five year-old something, I don't remember what...and her response was "Well, that sucks." *sigh*

     
  • At 8:14 PM, Blogger Fairly Odd Mother said…

    I'm sure I'm going straight to hell, but I think I would've laughed out loud. "Suck my balls" is one of the better curses out there. "You ass" or "go f**k yourself" just doesn't have any ring to it.

    When my oldest was 2 or 3, she sat down to dinner with my mom and sister, took one bite of her meal and said, "this chicken is friggin' hot!" I'll never hear the end of it.

     
  • At 9:38 PM, Blogger Kate said…

    Oy. The principal needs to calm down a bit. Eating lunch with a principal like that? Yeeeccccchhhh. That's the worst punishment of all.

    Suspension?! For "swearing"? At this age? Technically none of those words is a swear word...

    Principal Nag needs to realize she's got bigger fish to fry in a Columbine-esque era.

     
  • At 2:55 AM, Blogger Tismee2 said…

    Another case of people needing to get a perspective on life. It really boils me when people like her feel they have to take things to the extreme over what amounts to nothing.

    They are words, that's all. He wasn't violent, didn't threaten anyone. I'd be doing the same - taking further action. Sounds like the head teacher is losing it a bit.

     

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