Blogs Are Stupid

Doesn't anyone believe in Dear Diary anymore? What happened to the joy of putting actual pen to paper? And why does every ordinary Jane and John think they can write well enough to burden the world with their scribblings? It’s a mystery that badly needs solving. My first entry contains my thoughts about blogging and will set your expectations. The rest will probably be stream of consciousness garbage, much like you’ll find on any other blog. Perhaps we will both come away enlightened.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

The Pussy Problem

A while back, I wrote a post called "Real Moms Eat Pussy", as part of a blog thing that was going around about real Moms; what they are, who they are.

I think we all tend to spotlight the more positive aspects of our lives on our blogs; some bloggers more than others.

I do strive for honesty here at Blogs Are Stupid. But I think it's human nature to want to celebrate the good, the uplifting and the positive. Many of us do that by writing. So as a matter of course, our blogs become a reflection of our best selves. I don't think that's deliberate or disingenuous, it's just...the way we work.

The meme was designed to be an exercise in truth and I think it was a good one.

My post, if you haven't read it, was about gay and lesbian parenting. It was about how how gay and lesbian parents are every bit as legitimate as nurturers and caregivers as heterosexuals and every bit as deserving of the titular parental designations we heterosexuals horde so stingily.

Anyway...

The title of that post was intended to grab the attention of my readers, to shock, to titillate, to intrigue.

I didn't stop to think about the unfortunate consequences of that decision when it came to search terms.

Let's just say that it is by far my most viewed page.

However, I don't think that has as much to do with my skill as an author, as it does the lamentable sexual deviance with which a disconcerting number of people in this world seem to be afflicted.

Freud would be so gratified to know that his theories were so staggeringly accurate and profoundly pervasive. Who knew such a large segment of the human collective harbor secretly salacious thoughts about their mothers?

Well I do now, thanks to Monsieur Google.

You people in the Netherlands need help. Lots and lots of psychotherapy should be at the top of your to do list.

I've grown sort of innured to those initially shocking search parameters that show up on my statcounter nearly every day.

YAWN. Another pervy mother pussy search. How predictable.

I suspect those poor horny schlubs are grievously disappointed to land in my decidedly unsexy and disappointingly vanilla little corner of cyberspace.

Anyway, yesterday, I got one that completely stumped me.

"How to make home woman pussy."

Ummmmm. What??

After some discussion, it was decided that this...person...was trying to find information on how to create a vaginal facsimile device from things commonly found in one's home.

This led to a rather risque discussion about all the household items from which one could conceivably manufacture such a thing; among them, cantaloupes. Rather more messy than the real deal, I'd venture to guess, but I suppose, if one is really in need...

You know, Michael's carries a dazzling array of crafting supplies, which can make crafting appealing and doable for even the most uncrafty of individuals. But I can't honestly say I've seen anything there that might serve such a purpose.

So, Dude...I did some research for you. What you need is this.

It has got to be better than a cantaloupe.

21 Comments:

  • At 6:48 AM, Blogger womaninawindow said…

    Is it just a flashlight so that he/she can shine it on the cantaloupe and reveal how sad/ridiculous/sad the whole situation is?

     
  • At 7:27 AM, Blogger Mental P Mama said…

    Well now I really know everything! Those are actually very interesting....

     
  • At 8:02 AM, Blogger TheMama said…

    Google searches are some funny stuff. I shudder to think how some people are finding me.

    I went back and read the original post, and you are my hero! I'm in MA and when I heard the news about CA I was psyched!

     
  • At 8:02 AM, OpenID hairyweisenheimmer said…

    isn't it amazing...and sad? Due to my blog name and the fact that I write about my cats occasionally, I tend to get a lot of search hits for "Hairy Pussy" and such.
    Personally, I think sex is way over-rated and the multitude really need to get a new hobby, but if you really want your blog stats to soar, just add SEX in your tags.......lol

     
  • At 8:14 AM, Blogger KT said…

    Ohhhhh...LOL!!

     
  • At 8:45 AM, OpenID wheelsonthebus said…

    This is why I was so careful in the title of my responding post!

     
  • At 11:03 AM, Blogger Marit said…

    I just want to let you know that there is at least one reader from the Netherlands who did not arrive on your blog by googling "pussy".
    I apologize for my countrymen... :-(

     
  • At 11:24 AM, Blogger West Coast Diva said…

    No darlin -- you need this:

    http://howardsternsybian.com/

    I so want one. If I had one, I'd never leave the house again.

     
  • At 12:12 PM, Blogger Natalie said…

    Or maybe he wanted a Mangina

     
  • At 12:26 PM, Blogger Amy Y said…

    Shit ~ I can't see it at work. the suspense will kill me!

    So nice of you to do the research for him/her. :)

     
  • At 12:38 PM, Blogger mamatulip said…

    LMAO.

    I think there are full-on dolls with orifices too.

     
  • At 1:46 PM, Blogger Hairline Fracture said…

    I think I just lost the last shred of my innocence. Ew!

     
  • At 1:48 PM, Blogger Traceytreasure said…

    I missed your first post about this. I'm just glad that a mom didn't fry up the family pet.

     
  • At 2:23 PM, Blogger the only daughter said…

    ...how to create a vaginal facsimile device from things commonly found in one's home.

    There must be a kit, somewhere. LOL..priceless.

     
  • At 6:38 PM, Blogger slouching mom said…

    hahahahahah!

    you're so thoughtful, BA!

     
  • At 8:56 PM, Blogger Jozet at Halushki said…

    LOL!!!!

    You wouldn't have gotten as many hits if you just would have typed "vagina", lol.

    I get the most hits for the photo of famous environmentalist, David Suzuki, naked with a fig leaf. Those Rachel Carson fans are real freaky.

     
  • At 11:47 PM, Blogger Crazed Mom said…

    Hahahahahaha. Too freakin' funny and pathetic at the same time.



    aka JaniceNW

     
  • At 11:50 PM, Blogger Mamacita Caliente said…

    I get a lot of hits from brazil, must be the mamacita. Poor schlubs are more likely to stumble into a vomit themed story than a hot mommy.

     
  • At 1:06 PM, Blogger Mad said…

    Gack! The link didn't work for me which is just as well b/c now I can't stop thinking about how one might manufacture a home device. This is not a craft project I need to be taking up brain space at work.

     
  • At 12:03 AM, Blogger Angela said…

    too funny

     
  • At 8:21 AM, Anonymous that girl said…

    Too funny. Love your blunt approach to your blog..

     

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