Blogs Are Stupid

Doesn't anyone believe in Dear Diary anymore? What happened to the joy of putting actual pen to paper? And why does every ordinary Jane and John think they can write well enough to burden the world with their scribblings? It’s a mystery that badly needs solving. My first entry contains my thoughts about blogging and will set your expectations. The rest will probably be stream of consciousness garbage, much like you’ll find on any other blog. Perhaps we will both come away enlightened.

Friday, July 25, 2008

We're OFF Like a Terd of Hurtles

My Dad is a...unique guy. He's a little quirky, to put it mildly.

He has an arsenal of choice sayings that he has been using since I was a child. Husband and I now refer to these as "Garyisms".

My Dad held several of these in reserve for departing places and he used them without fail. He never, ever didn't utter one of these delightful apothegms.

While he mixed them up for variety, or at least, as much variety as a one man repertoire of triteness can impart...his favorite by far, was "We're OFF like a Terd of Hurtles!" In case you hadn't figured it out, that's a play on "Herd of Turtles". Yeah. He's clever that way.

Anyway, we are, in fact, off like a terd of hurtles. Or, herd of turtles. Although, since we have approximately 900 miles to traverse, I hope we make slightly better progress than our dilatory counterparts.

Friday morning we will leave the hot and sultry South for Northern Climes. But that's not the best part.

My testosterone posse will be dropping me off in the Windy City, where I will spend the weekend with girls; honest to goodness estrogen producing humans.

There will be no burping or farting OR discussion about burping and farting. There will be no sports. No Guitar Hero cacophony. No bickering. No peedle puddles.

Heaven. Sweet, sweet heaven.

Me and my girls got together last year in Chicago and had an absolute blast. We enjoyed Chicago so much, as well as the accomodations, the neighborhood, and the local color, that we decided to return for what we hope becomes an annual event.

Would you like to see the fab-U-lous place where we will be staying? Follow me to our wonderful Chicago Guesthouse.

Though we prefer to take the weekend as it comes, we will tentatively visit a local salon for some pampering and perhaps visit Lincoln Park Zoo and Farmer's Market. We might visit Navy Pier. We might return to the Art Institute. There's enough there to keep us coming back again and again. We might return to the Russian Tea House for a meal that is much more than a meal. Or, we might try something new.

We might just hang around the townhouse and talk, talk, talk.

The possibilities abound. And we are not limited by the needs of children or the whining of spouses.

On Monday, I will ride with one of my friends to Wisconsin. It'll be like Thelma and Louise, but without the homocide. And the driving off a cliff. And lamentably, the buff, twenty something Brad Pitt.

I'll be at my folks' until the 2nd of August. I thought about lining up some guest posters, but I've had the stupidest, craziest week ever and just didn't get around to it. I might pop in to post some pieces from my archives, but I might not. 5 days is not a lot of time to spend with the most important people in my life. People I get to see once, occasionally twice a year.

I'm loathe to waste a moment of it.

Be good, bloggers. Feel free to raid the fridge, watch the dirty movies (in the media cabinet, on the left, behind the antiquated collection of Disney VHS tapes), and use the guest towels. But please don't Piss On the Rug (I'm looking at you, Michael Savage).

Thanks. Toodles!


  • At 7:37 AM, Blogger Avalon said…

    Have a great time. A veritable estrogen fest!

  • At 8:52 AM, Blogger Middle Girl said…

    Have a fantastic time, with the girls & the fam.

  • At 9:58 AM, Blogger Sarahviz said…

    Wha?? No "peedle puddles"?? I'm insanely jealous! My girls weekend isn't until Columbus Day. Until then, I'll be here, in the Trenches, cleaning up the piss...

  • At 12:00 PM, Blogger Foofa said…

    have an awesome time and enjoy the town! I LOVE the Lincoln Park Zoo but if you're looking to keep away from children it isn't the best choice.

  • At 12:02 PM, Blogger Shelley Jaffe said…

    Wow. Those Chicago digs look amazing - perfect for girly time.

    As one surrounded by teeming testosterone, I will live vicariously through your stories, and wish you the most faboo of times!

    Safe journey.

  • At 1:03 PM, Blogger Amy Y said…

    Oh it sounds just fabulous!! I can't wait to hear all about it.

    My favorite is "fart smeller" (i.e. smart feller) ~ I use it on my kids all the time and get the funniest looks from strangers! hee hee :)

  • At 4:16 PM, Blogger Lara said…

    ENJOY! :)

  • At 5:53 PM, Blogger Sarah said…

    oh, that sounds WONDERFUL.

    i love chicago. my husband and i met there, and Ten was born there.

    enjoy it.

    safe travels!

  • At 9:11 PM, Blogger SUEB0B said…

    Have fun! I love Chicago, especially Devon Ave. and the Indian food...

  • At 7:56 AM, Blogger Woman in a Window said…

    Have fun 'til it hurts!

  • At 2:30 PM, Blogger Girlplustwo said…

    have a fabulous, fabulous time.

  • At 8:16 AM, Blogger mamatulip said…

    My mom's boyfriend used to say "Off like a herd of turtles."

    I like your father's version better.

    Have fun!

  • At 9:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Oh, I'm going to miss your musings this week, but am very envious of your adventure. My family and I just returned from a family reunion/adventure at The Dells, and although I've been to Wisconsin before, I'd forgotten the beauty that state holds. I certainly didn't need a road map to tell when we returned back to Iowa and it's flat boring tundra.

    I'll be eagerly anticipating your stories when you return.

    Happy Trails!!! ~Kellie

  • At 1:38 PM, Blogger Jen said…

    Have a great time, hertles!

  • At 2:20 PM, Blogger just a girl... said…

    I can't wait to read your next post. You are a great writer. Come by and say Hi.

  • At 6:12 PM, Blogger said…

    Hope you have fun, but it's supposed to be 95 and HOT HOT HOT up here on SAturday!!

  • At 12:30 AM, Blogger All Things BD said…

    Hope you're having a wonderful trip. I just got back from a month in California. Texas heat sucks.

    I gave you an award over at my blog, btw. Check it out!


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