Blogs Are Stupid

Doesn't anyone believe in Dear Diary anymore? What happened to the joy of putting actual pen to paper? And why does every ordinary Jane and John think they can write well enough to burden the world with their scribblings? It’s a mystery that badly needs solving. My first entry contains my thoughts about blogging and will set your expectations. The rest will probably be stream of consciousness garbage, much like you’ll find on any other blog. Perhaps we will both come away enlightened.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

This Is What They Mean When They Say....

On pins and needles. Or tenterhooks. Or pins and needles AND tenterhooks. Here is how my thought processes have gone this week:

I feel bloated. I must be getting ready to start.

I feel queasy. I really am pregnant.

Criminy, would you look at the size of that zit! I must be getting ready to start.

I have heartburn. I really am pregnant.

Geez my back hurts. I must be getting ready to start.

Yeast infection, are you kidding me? I really am pregnant.

My pants feel really snug. I must be getting ready to start.

GOD I'M HUNGRY. I really am pregnant.

Sweet JESUS I need chocolate. I must be getting ready to start.

I have to pee again. I must be pregnant.

Is that a cramp? I must be getting ready to start.

I wonder if husband is in the mood. I really am pregnant.


Every twinge, every pang, every blemish, gripe and groan is a "clue". It's driving me crazy, but I can't stop. Right now, I really do feel kind of pre-menstrual, but I've also been feeling queasy.

Clearly, the cosmos is toying with me.

I called the doctor's office a few minutes ago, and the results were not yet in. The nurse said she thought tomorrow at the latest. She apologized and sympathizes with my anxiousness.

Husband and I have been talking.

"Where are we going to put a baby?" he aksed.

Knowing that husband would need to be handled with kid gloves throughout this process, I have tried to anticipate all his concerns. Thus, I had a solution at the ready.

"Well, the boys can room together in the bonus room over the garage, then we can put your office and the spare bed in Pubescent One's room, and the nursery in Dimiuntive One's room."

"They'll kill each other. They're like beta fish."

"I shared a room with my sister almost my whole life. It made us very close."

"You and your sister were not polar opposites in every respect. And besides, Pubescent One is at an age where he really needs his privacy, if you know what I mean."

"That's what showers are for. And don't talk to me about that."

I choose to be blissfully ignorant of that particular adolescent proclivity.

"I'm just sayin. Little brothers can really cramp a guy's style."

"Babies can really cramp ours, but we'll deal with it, and so will they."

Husband snorted, but did not pursue it further.

My mother asked me if I'll be sad if the result is negative. Truthfully, yes, a little. But I'll also feel relieved. And I suspect that this wistful ambivalence will be something that stays with me until nature decides to remove my choice in the matter.

I wonder, if a woman ever truly stops thinking about the joy of creating a life; feeling it grow and move, safe within the warmth of her body.

I wonder if a woman ever forgets the sweetness of babies.

21 Comments:

  • At 3:04 PM, Blogger flutter said…

    or the pain of periods. Oy.

     
  • At 3:06 PM, Anonymous Andrea said…

    I'M ON PINS AND NEEDLES, TOO! OMG, did they really say tomorrow?!

    I'm sorry, I really should be more sympathetic to your plight, the uncertainty, the general anxiety of the unknown future, the fear of careful planning for the future being set on its head...

    Oh, that's not helping either, is it. All I can think about for you is A BABY! Babies are awesome. Of course, given that I have a 7 month old (!!!) now, I'm a little biased.

    Whether you are or are not pregnant, I will be happy for you. :) (Because my opinion is vital to your family's future, right?)

     
  • At 3:54 PM, Blogger Amy Y said…

    I don't think a woman does ever forget the sweetness of a baby...

    Oh, just one more day. That lab is painfully slow!!

     
  • At 3:54 PM, Anonymous Amy Nathan said…

    I have my fingers crossed.

    For what, I'm not sure.

     
  • At 3:58 PM, Anonymous OmegaMom said…

    You *will* let us know before anyone else, right? Like, before the hubby and the boys. Right? ;-)

     
  • At 4:24 PM, Blogger elastic waistland said…

    Oh the agony! I'm sorry you are being made to wait another day! (ok...I'll admit that I'm sorry that I have to wait another day to find out as well...)

    Hang in there!

     
  • At 4:40 PM, Blogger Karen Sugarpants said…

    Tomorrow I disconnect the internet while we move. This is SO UNFAIR.

    Oh wait, it's about you. Right. Hang in there!

     
  • At 4:40 PM, Blogger Kathryn in NZ said…

    Totally agree with your last two paragraphs.
    Arrrgh - with you on obessing over the topic while waiting for news!! I do it all the time :)

     
  • At 5:30 PM, Blogger slouching mom said…

    WOW.

    And:

    I wonder if a woman ever forgets the sweetness of babies.

    Never.

     
  • At 5:34 PM, Blogger Fairly Odd Mother said…

    I will never forget the sweetness of babies, but, oh boy, if I was ever pregnant with (gulp) #4, I think I'd have to have a good stiff drink.

    Looking forward to the news.

     
  • At 6:12 PM, Blogger Chicky Chicky Baby said…

    even if you puke all over the place, it's still pretty cool to make a baby.

    i mean the actual pregnancy, not the act that creates the baby. i would hope you wouldn't be puking then. heh.

     
  • At 6:46 PM, Blogger Traceytreasure said…

    This post made almost made me cry. The answer is NO! I went through this just last week! Aunt Flo has been a week late since I started working. It could be because I have been taking different supplements and eating differently. The difference between you and me is I'm too old! My oldest is 16 and my youngest 6!! I just turned 42!! I still long for a baby though. I always will. They are like a drug that you can't get enough of. They don't stay little long enough for you to get enough rest and enjoy them; and it goes by in two blinks. I'm holding out for grandkids. I hope to have at least one from each kid, if I'm lucky!! I have my fingers crossed for you, which ever way you want the outcome!!
    Hugs!!
    :)

     
  • At 6:48 PM, Blogger Ruth Dynamite said…

    The panic, alternating with the sweetness. I'm all tingly excited and panicked on your behalf. What's it gonna be? Martini or maternity pants? Can't wait to find out!

     
  • At 7:59 PM, Blogger womaninawindow said…

    HA!

    I'm thinking you're not pregnant. Sorry. I suck. HOpe I'm wrong. Maybe? YEs?

     
  • At 9:13 PM, Blogger Traceytreasure said…

    Sorry, mine should have read:
    This post almost made me cry.
    I don't know where the extra "made" came from. Typing faster than I think again.....

    Hugs!!

     
  • At 10:47 PM, Blogger KT said…

    you will never forget the sweetness of babies. And whatever the outcome of that bloodtest you will be happy and sad.

    Positive: Happy for a baby, sad for the plans you made without the baby.

    Negative: sad for that baby that could have been, but happy for the plans oyu made without that baby.

    Whatever the results...your feelings are justified, real and yours to feel. I don't know what I wish will happen (well, a little I'm hoping it's positive) but whatever happens, I am sure that with the husband you have and the internal strength you show YOU will move forward and make the best of it.

    Good luck BA! I read every day, rooting for you and your boys. Now I'm just rooting that you get the results you want!!!!

     
  • At 11:13 PM, Blogger the only daughter said…

    Yay or nay, my thoughts are with you, the boys and the husband.

    Oh, and yes, I think about the sweetness of babies, so long as someone else is birthing them. :)

    Peace.

     
  • At 8:43 AM, Blogger Kim said…

    Ok maybe I missed it...but did you do the regular pee on a stick thing or not?

    Waiting this long to find out if you are preggers or not is archaic!

    It's driving me nuts, I can only imagine what you must feel like.

     
  • At 3:53 PM, Blogger sltbee69 said…

    What an unbelievably slow lab! For chrissakes! I'd be calling every hour bugging the shit out them.

     
  • At 3:59 PM, Anonymous slackermommy said…

    No I don't think we ever forget. I would obsess like that prior to my hysterectomy. I wasted so much money on pregnancy sticks because I was never sure if I was starting are knocked up. It's so nice not worrying anymore.

     
  • At 8:38 PM, Blogger Clara said…

    No, I'd say you never forget the sweetness of babies, EVER! And the amazing feeling of creating life. But along with that, it's hard going through all the newborn stuff again.

    Speaking from a woman who's going through it for the 3rd time in 3 years. I'm tired! I wish this baby would sleep through the night so I can function.

    I'll be happy for the day when I can get rid of all the "baby gear" and diaper bag. Will I miss it, of course, but the first few years are the hardest. But then again I am only experienced in the first few years. I imagine the other years are just as hard on a different level. And I imagine I've made it more difficult for myself by having them so close in age. Good luck!

    I will not miss the "trying to conceive" frustration. (I also had trouble conceiving). Am I pregnant, am I not? It was an emotional roller coaster. So I feel for you.

    From now on, when I get that "missing that sweet baby feeling", I'm going to borrow a newborn, hold it, snuggle with it, AND GIVE IT BACK! And read my old blogs on how hard the pregnancy was, and how hard the delivery was, and how hard it is taking care of a newborn! Hahaha! How soon you forget! And I think the more you add to the mix, the harder it becomes juggling all of them. But that's my experience only.

    I love your blog, and have been reading it for quite some time, but I think this is the first time I've commented.

     

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