Blogs Are Stupid

Doesn't anyone believe in Dear Diary anymore? What happened to the joy of putting actual pen to paper? And why does every ordinary Jane and John think they can write well enough to burden the world with their scribblings? It’s a mystery that badly needs solving. My first entry contains my thoughts about blogging and will set your expectations. The rest will probably be stream of consciousness garbage, much like you’ll find on any other blog. Perhaps we will both come away enlightened.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Using Popular Culture To My Advantage

My oldest loves that '70's show. We all do, truthfully. I know, I know, it's not exactly wholesome viewing material, but it's damn funny. And I get so tired of being the media nazi that I make exceptions now and then.

Hey. Don't judge me. I could be letting them gorge themselves on extreme fetish sex on the pornternet.

We laugh, because my oldest is incredibly smart, but also very stupid. Ever know somebody like that? They can solve mathematical theorems in their sleep but they forget to change their underwear?

For this reason, his peers have dubbed him Kelso. Not only does he act like Kelso, he looks like Kelso. And oddly, his best friend is the personification of Eric. It's kind of funny and really frightening at the same time. I should take a picture.

Anyway...trivia and dialogue from the show has made it into our household vernacular and is employed as often as humanly possible.

One of their favorite expression and pastimes, is "BURN". They love to burn one another, and, of course, they love to point out when one of them has been burned, particularly if it is an exceedingly witty and salient burn.

The mac daddy of all burns, is the "Octoburn"; or, eight burns in one.

To whit:

Octoburns are rare, but beautiful things.

But let's meander on to my point.

The other day, Pubescent One was insisting that I "owed" him a soda, because I drank the one he left unattended. For six hours. It was warm. It was flat. And it was mine to begin with. I keep plenty of other crap nutritious beverages in the fridge for them, but the Pibb Zero is MINE. It's my last vice. And I guard it with a fierceness that is well documented.

There were two left. And I wouldn't give him one.

"But you OWE me one, Mom."

"OWE you? I OWE you a soda? You owe me LIFE. How 'bout that??"

Eric, I mean er...Michael, who was listening to the exchange, gasped loudly.

"BURN!" he said with glee. And then,

"Dude. That was worse than an Octoburn. That was ETERNAburn. You can never top that, man."

Pubescent One dropped his shoulders and hung his head, aware that he had been beaten.

Red would be so proud.


  • At 3:24 PM, Blogger All Things BD said…

    I think I missed the whole point of this post because all I could focus on was Pibb Zero. I had no idea that this existed, and my life's mission will now be to procure 5 cases. Thank you for bringing this into my life.

  • At 3:45 PM, Blogger Middle Girl said…

    I'm not a huge fan of the show but I can still appreciate an awesome burn. ^5

  • At 5:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Love the show. Can't wait until my kids are old enough to watch it and then I can point out the dorky clothes I used to wear.

  • At 5:41 PM, Blogger Pgoodness said…

    EternaBurn! LOVE IT!!!

  • At 6:09 PM, Blogger Girlplustwo said…

    i don't know this show but i do know if i was coming over, i'd be bringing that pibb stuff.

  • At 1:54 AM, Blogger flutter said…

    that is almost as bad as the rare and elusive grandma burn

  • At 9:54 AM, Blogger (In)Sanity Gal said…

    This almost makes me think that I might enjoy having boys around the house one day. They sure are funny.

  • At 5:22 PM, Blogger Kathryn in NZ said…


    Too right, defend the vice that is yours! Anybody, and I mean ANYBODY, who even looks at my chocolate stash is dead. In this house, one's stash is a no go zone and the rule goes both ways for everyone that lives here.
    Point? You rock BA! Keep it up :)

  • At 3:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Red cracks me up. I love that you guys use the language in your house - that's fantastic. Octoburn. Eternaburn. Niiiice.


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