Blogs Are Stupid

Doesn't anyone believe in Dear Diary anymore? What happened to the joy of putting actual pen to paper? And why does every ordinary Jane and John think they can write well enough to burden the world with their scribblings? It’s a mystery that badly needs solving. My first entry contains my thoughts about blogging and will set your expectations. The rest will probably be stream of consciousness garbage, much like you’ll find on any other blog. Perhaps we will both come away enlightened.

Monday, December 01, 2008

Does This Shade Of Varnish Go With My Eyes?

Here's a thing about me you probably didn't know. I? Am wishy washy. I know. You're taken aback. But it's true.

It's not really that I can't make up my mind. It's just that I spent so many years being a world class fuck-up that I don't want to waste any more time on mistakes.

Yannow what I mean?

I get so bogged down in trying to make the right decision, that I become consumed by self-doubt. And then I don't make any decision at all.

Flutter once called it "paralysis by analysis" and a more apt characterization I've never heard.

The more I pro and con, the more I hem and haw. It's a problem. A real problem.

Some of you know that I am in a weird sort of mid-life stasis; a holding pattern if you will. My life as the Mother of small children is over and now it's time to move onto the next phase.

The problem is...I made absolutely no provisions for this eventuality.

When one is deep in the throes of raising small children, it's hard to see beyond anything except naptime.

So now? I'm exceedingly bored with my life. I feel a little superfluous, but also, srangely, like a thing that people use every day, but scarcely notice it's existence because it's just always been there.

When I was a kid, we had this coat rack in our house, just inside the front door. It was there for years, until one day, on a whim (or maybe my mother just decided it was time people started using the coat closet, I don't know) my mother moved it.

But did people start using the coat closet? No. The coats piled up in a sad little heap in the floor where the coat rack had once stood. It had been there so long, doing the same thing, faithful and uncomplaining...that nobody noticed when it wasn't there anymore.

I don't want to be a coat rack.

I very much need something to do, and I've written a plethora of posts pondering my post parenting prerogatives. Say that five times real fast.

Anyway, everything I consider seems, for one reason or another, to be more trouble than it's worth. The logistics alone keep me up at night. I honestly don't know how working Moms do it. I don't want to know how they do it because I don't want to have to put that much effort into getting through each day.

SIGH.

So overwhelmed with details, I do nothing.

This has been going on for several years now.

((Paralysis By Analysis))

A couple days ago, I got a phone call from one of my best friends. They moved to the other side of the city a couple years ago, and now because of our increasingly hectic lifestyles, we rarely get to see one another.

She is in the very same place that I am. However, she is a much more decisive person than I. She doesn't waste a lot of time worrying about making the wrong choice. She doesn't see mistakes waiting to be made, she sees opportunites.

And she has decided to go to Beauty School.

Would it surprise you to hear that for twenty years, I've considered going to beauty school?

It sounds like so much fun, doesn't it? And I need fun in a bad way, ladies. A bad, bad, bad way. But it would also serve a profusion of other purposes (I like alliteration, shoot me).

It would indulge my creative side as well as my love of all things girly.

It would get me out of the house.

It would give me the means to make my own money for the first time in fourteen years.

It would challenge me.

It would do all this without placing too much stress or responsibility on my shoulders.

When I worked for a large National Financial Services Company, I would sometimes wake up in a cold sweat, realizing I hadn't dotted an "i" or crossed a "t", the consequences of which were expensive and far reaching.

No thank you.

I hold the life and the emotional well-being of two someday adult persons in my hands and that's quite enough responsibility for me.

I know I have the knack. My Mom was a hairdresser for nearly 40 years. I picked up a thing or two. I can be licensed in just 9 months. I think it's a good idea and I want to do it.

Until I start really thinking.

Does that mean I'm giving up my identity as a writer? Or my hopes of writing a book someday? Does the fact that I'm willing to sacrifice my more cerebral self to indulge the vanities of my clients (and myself, to be frank) mean I'm renouncing all my ideals? Does the fact that I'm willing to do this for some fun and personal satisfaction mean I'm a horrible, shallow, vapid person?

Goddamn that thinking thing. Is there a way to shut that off?

Why can't I just make a decision and GO?

Please excuse me while I grow a few extra arms. Those coats can get pretty heavy.

22 Comments:

  • At 5:49 PM, Blogger All Things BD said…

    THAT is a very intriguing idea. It would certainly allow you to set your own hours, and not be all-consuming at the expense of your family and your writing.

     
  • At 6:01 PM, Blogger jen said…

    you could always come to the jungle.

     
  • At 6:30 PM, Blogger Kathryn in NZ said…

    How would it stop your writing? Wouldn't it be more material for your pen???
    Full empathy sympathy on the analysis paralysis though.
    Have courage and go for it - what have you truly got to lose
    If it helps any, your fans (me!) downunder will be supporting you the whole way.

     
  • At 8:16 PM, OpenID wheelsonthebus said…

    um, i would love to read your adventures in beauty school

     
  • At 8:19 PM, Blogger Kimberly said…

    What would the harm be to just do it?
    Learn a trick or two, try it out for a while, and then get off the bus, if it turns out it isn't for you?

    Has it been frustrating being the mom of boys when you are kindof a girly girl? It is for me, and my first son is only 2!!! I can't fix his hair, or do his nails. Sigh.

     
  • At 8:37 PM, Blogger jess said…

    Do it, do it!!!!!

     
  • At 9:45 PM, Blogger kristianekat said…

    Analysis by Paralysis - I'm right there with you!!!

    Now, go for it! Stop thinking, just do. I've decided I'm going to nursing school come hell or high water. So, you can go to Beauty school. I think it's a great idea - and I agree would provide much fodder for your lovely writing!

     
  • At 9:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I think its a great idea - it gives you a challenge and a change and enables you to increase your family income and lifestyle. Your boys will be proud of you and you will have an identity outside of the house. I have had good jobs and bad jobs - and both experiences made me wiser, more independent and left me with a greater sense of myself. I know a lot of women refuse to return in the workforce when their kids are in school full-time because they had bad memories of their last job - every place is different - and this would be a fresh start for you. It isn't that bad being a working mom of school aged children - your pulse will quicken and you will become more organized and you will get the same things done as you have always done at home - you'll just do it quicker and you can have a greater expectation that your kids and dh help out. I've just had a couple days off - and it was mind numbing, although I loved to be at home when my child was younger. I can't wait to get back to work tomorrow. Good luck. Earning your own money makes all the things you do with it sweeter - the vacations are better, the "stuff" you buy is appreciated on a different level. Have fun!

     
  • At 10:08 PM, Blogger Pgoodness said…

    I say just do it. (a)the people you encounter will be fabulous fodder/inspiration for writing (b) it's a perfect way for you to do something fun and make some money. And you can't be deep and amazing all the time! (hehe)

     
  • At 11:23 PM, Blogger em said…

    You could go to school (and then get a job afterwards doing the very thing you went to school for) then write about all the clients - which is sort of what Waiterrant did and he went on to being on the best seller list and then national tv because of the aforementioned book.
    He used restaurant patrons (and employees) as substance for his book. You have such a wit, you could do the same sort of thing about the people you come in contact with.

    So .. why not do both? Be girly (and get paid for it) and write (then get paid again).

    It's just a suggestion. ;)

     
  • At 11:46 PM, Blogger the only daughter said…

    Oh this is gonna be goood! Yum. Or in other words, Yay. Go.

     
  • At 12:10 AM, Anonymous AA said…

    I do the same thing often. I try to rember that quote that goes somethig like ... You will regret more the things you didn't do than the things you did.

    Or as a friend once said to me, when I ws worried about taking a job and acting just like you described, "You're not married to it. You can always quit."

    Just do it.

     
  • At 1:13 AM, Blogger Lady M said…

    Longtime lurker . . .

    Do it! You will always be a writer - you are so compelling with words. A new profession just adds to your topics. Beauty School Blog, a memoir.

     
  • At 8:50 AM, Blogger Avalon said…

    Why not start by volunteering somewhere? it will allow you ty see if the schedule would work, if you liked the environment, etc. If it isn't your thing, you can walk away.

     
  • At 11:17 AM, Blogger Mac and Cheese said…

    Do it! Nine months were going to pass regardless. It'll give you blog fodor too!

     
  • At 3:09 PM, Blogger Tootsie said…

    Seriously, working in a salon would make the best blog fodder.

     
  • At 4:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    It is said that you need to do something 20 times for it to become part of your routine... one of the hardest things to do is start something new when you are not ready but if you can do it 20 times it will be like it was always part of your life.

    All the best in whatever you decide.

     
  • At 9:09 PM, Blogger Amanda said…

    Last night I vowed as I struggled once again to find sleep despite overwhelming fatigue, that I would fight stress. I judge the unhealthy decisions of others and never own the unhealthiness of my over-worrying. I am done with it, knowing life is too short. Maybe you need to reclaim the finite years you've been given, or maybe I am overthinking and you should say, "Damn, I've put some fine looking coats on my arms."

     
  • At 11:24 AM, Blogger Shelley said…

    Oh, I so totally get this. Paralysis by analysis, I mean. I have a tendency to overthink things as well, and then do nothing because it's just too difficult.

    However, if it's something you've always wanted to do, and you have the time and the opportunity, why not? I don't think you have to give up writing, it will just give you loads of new material, don't you think? I, for one, would love to read about your adventures in beauty school. And having only boys, it would give you the opportunity to indulge your girly side. I have the opposite problem...I'm a tomboy with no girly side, who only has girls. They're all like...makeup, hair, straightening irons, clothes, blah blah. And I'm like...whatever. Strange, right?

     
  • At 6:48 PM, Blogger Amy Y said…

    Do it, do it!
    You could always work part time once you're through, to save time for other interests like your family and writing.

     
  • At 6:58 PM, Blogger Woman in a Window said…

    I think it would be a win win if you went for it. Indulge your creativity, interact with people and get more fodder, and then write that book. See? Win, win.

     
  • At 6:24 PM, Anonymous gurukarm (@karma_musings) said…

    You wouldn't, by any chance, be an air sign, would you (Aquarius, Gemini, Libra) - because we're *reknowned* (Aquarius, here) for doing that pro-and-con, back-and-forth, can't-decide-between-the-options thing.

    Just wondering :-)

    And, my opinion? (just in case you need another one :-) ) - you love products and such so much, and seem so good with people - I think you should do it. Imagine the great stories you could share here ;-)

     

Post a Comment

<< Home