Blogs Are Stupid

Doesn't anyone believe in Dear Diary anymore? What happened to the joy of putting actual pen to paper? And why does every ordinary Jane and John think they can write well enough to burden the world with their scribblings? It’s a mystery that badly needs solving. My first entry contains my thoughts about blogging and will set your expectations. The rest will probably be stream of consciousness garbage, much like you’ll find on any other blog. Perhaps we will both come away enlightened.

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Heartsick

On Christmas Eve, a wonderufl woman lost her life. She was murdered; shot through the heart and left to die alone.

There are plenty of questions, but no answers.

The only thing I know, is that one of the kindest, most giving people I ever knew is gone.

And the only thing I can think of is the last hug we shared. If I had known it was the last one, I would have held on a little longer. Maybe I wouldn't have let her go at all.

She was a rare person, full of goodness and spirit and fun. She thought of others first, always.

All she wanted in return was to be loved.

And she was.

She leaves behind two beautiful girls who were her entire world. She adored them, and they adored her. She had tons of friends who knew what a very special person she was.

I'm proud to be among them.

Lisbeth, my dear friend, I can't believe you are really gone. I can't believe you died so horribly. I can't believe your sweet girls will have to grow up without you.

It's not fair, goddammit. You did not deserve to die.

I hope whomever is to blame is tormented body and soul for what they did to you. Aand don't you worry about that my dear...we all have our suspicions and I know deep in my heart that justice will be served. Maybe not now, but someday.

I'm sick. I'm sad.

And words...they fail me. Forgive me. Maybe someday I can say all the things that I'm feeling about you, your life, our friendship. But for now, I'm too broken to say all the things that are in my heart.

Rest in peace friend.

25 Comments:

  • At 6:37 PM, Blogger Traceytreasure said…

    Oh BA, I'm so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how you must be feeling.

    Words fail me at a time like this...

    You and her daughters are in my thoughts...

    Big hugs and love,
    T

     
  • At 7:00 PM, Anonymous OmegaMom said…

    I'm sorry, BA.

     
  • At 7:17 PM, Blogger Pgoodness said…

    How horrible. Thinking of them, and you.

     
  • At 7:36 PM, Blogger the only daughter said…

    I'm sorry for the loss, yours and her family's.

    May Peace be with you all.

     
  • At 7:37 PM, Blogger flutter said…

    this is awful. Please email me if I can do anything...

     
  • At 7:54 PM, Anonymous G. said…

    There, you did it. You made me cry, again. Damn. Life sucks sometimes. RIP Lisbeth. Heaven has another angel.

     
  • At 8:34 PM, Blogger Magi said…

    I'm so sorry. Mourning is so much more difficult when life is taken. Unfortunately, I've experienced this, and can guess how you are feeling.

    You are in my thoughts.

     
  • At 8:38 PM, Anonymous Delmackandcheese said…

    I am so sorry for your loss.

     
  • At 9:47 PM, Blogger All Things BD said…

    How terrible and heartbreaking. I'm so sorry for your loss, BA.

     
  • At 10:10 PM, Blogger Fairly Odd Mother said…

    Wow, so terribly sad. I'm so sorry for her girls and for you.

     
  • At 12:22 AM, Blogger margalit said…

    What a horrifying loss. I'm so sorry you have to experience this. The loss of a friend is terrible, but to lose a friend from violence... unbelievably heinous. How can we help?

     
  • At 8:32 AM, Blogger nina said…

    emotions are running so effing high honey. i haven't slepted for days.

    i was telling gina just the other day that next year in chicago i was so excited for G to meet her. to get to be able to listen to Lisbeth speak. her accent was strong yet soft as silk. one that affected your whole body. Sensually sweet, regal and so very kind. gina will never have that pleasure now. i will never have that pleasure again.

    i can't stop thinking about those beautiful girls. she loved them so deeply. we watched her self sacrifice, putting her in the direct line of danger and abuse to try to keep their little lives normal and secure.and when it became clear she just could not continue down such a dangerous road, she tried so damn hard to ease their pain, gently smooth the rough edges, prepare them for the difficult times they were going to have to face. You and I and our group knew how much her heart ached to see those babies unhappy.

    You are not alone in the odd feelings you are experiencing about the hours leading up to her death. It feels that there are details which are just out of our reach. It could be the simple fact that we are far removed from her family and her daily circle of irl relationships. But it could also be that she confided in us for years about the danger, instability and threatening behavior she had been the victim of. Yet we are at a loss as to where to go with this information. It could also be the normal tendency we as humans have to expect to know everything and have all explanations about the moments leading up the the death of a good friend. Some piece of evidence that will explain or give us reason to understand an otherwise unexplicable, unreasonable act. A clean, if not easy closure.

    I can't believe she is gone BA. How is it possible? I wish we were all going to say goodbye. The last time I saw her we had just shared a cab ride from the brownstone. As they pulled away from the curb she rolled down the back window, hung half-way out and with Toastman in one hand she began grinning with those beautiful white teeth and waving furiously at me as she disappeared in the hellish traffic at the Chicago airport. The last view I saw of her was the glint of the sun hitting her beautiful dark hair.

    (((hugs))) to you. to all of us. we have indeed lost a piece of ourselves.

    oxox
    nina

     
  • At 8:59 AM, Blogger Woman in a Window said…

    oh
    my
    god
    I am speachless.
    Her poor children.
    I feel so deeply for them
    i'd like to turn back time.
    I'm sorry.
    erin

     
  • At 9:11 AM, OpenID wheelsonthebus said…

    i am so sorry. it is awful, and my thoughts are with her children.

     
  • At 11:43 AM, Blogger Sharon said…

    I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and with Lisbeth's children and all who love and cherish her. Sharon

     
  • At 3:03 PM, Blogger mamatulip said…

    Oh, BA. I am so incredibly sorry. My thoughts are with you and your friend's girls.

     
  • At 5:49 PM, Blogger Carol said…

    Unimaginable. I'm so very sorry. Here's wishing you and all who loved her strength as you go through this.

    Carol

     
  • At 10:44 PM, Blogger Mac and Cheese said…

    I'm so so so sorry.

     
  • At 11:38 PM, Blogger Major Bedhead said…

    I'm so sorry. How heartbreaking, for you and her girls.

     
  • At 7:53 PM, Blogger Lara said…

    i'm so sorry. i'll pray for you all - i know you're not a praying sort, but it's the best way i know to help from where i am, so i hope that it's okay.

     
  • At 11:49 AM, Anonymous Apryl's Antics said…

    I wish I had something to say. I'm sorry for you, her children, her family, her friends, and the life she didn't get to finish.

     
  • At 8:15 PM, Blogger crazymumma said…

    The universe does not make sense ever.
    I am so sorry.

     
  • At 8:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I'm very sorry for your loss - nothing like this makes sense.

    :-(

     
  • At 12:06 PM, Blogger sltbee69 said…

    I'm so very sorry you lost such a dear friend, BA. My thoughts are with you and your friend's daughters.

     
  • At 6:37 PM, Blogger Amy Y said…

    I'm so sorry for your loss, Mama.

     

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