Blogs Are Stupid

Doesn't anyone believe in Dear Diary anymore? What happened to the joy of putting actual pen to paper? And why does every ordinary Jane and John think they can write well enough to burden the world with their scribblings? It’s a mystery that badly needs solving. My first entry contains my thoughts about blogging and will set your expectations. The rest will probably be stream of consciousness garbage, much like you’ll find on any other blog. Perhaps we will both come away enlightened.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Funk Buster

Invariably, after a visit home, I fall into a funk.

Partially, it's because I miss everybody so much, and I hate to think it will be so long before I see them again. But also, it's because going home always reminds me that I'm not a little girl anymore.

I don't like seeing my parents through grown-up eyes. I much prefer them omnipotent and invinceable. The real people that I now see them to be, are flawed and fallible. We all are, of course. We all have are foibles and our frailties. It doesn't mean I love them any less. But sometimes, I just wish I could still believe they are perfect.

Anyway, the death of my friend, and some other personal upsets have caused my post visit melancholy to be a little bit deeper than usual.

I am wallowing, truth be told.

Bags are still unpacked and the fridge is ridiculously empty. My poor kids have been surviving on fast food ketchup packets and croutons. The laundry is piled high and the poor tree has wilted into a pile of gaily festooned tinder. The pitter patter of falling needles is constant, and oddly, soothing; like a gentle summer rain.

Sometimes the funk lifts by itself. Usually, if I just let myself indulge in a week of reading in bed and unwashed hair, it breaks up and drifts away. But sometimes it doesn't and I have to make a conscious effort to snap the fuck out of it.

This time, I'm having to take drastic measures.

Thankfully, I have this in my aresnal:



This is my new neice. She is absolutely beautiful, and she has a beautiful name. I wish I could share it with you, but I don't even use my own boys' names here.

She smells good. She is warm and squishy and softly sighing baby sounding. She eats, she sleeps, she turns her head when she hears her mother's voice. She doesn't talk back. She doesn't smear spaghetti in her hair. She doesn't color on the walls. She has cupid's bow lips that beg for a kiss and she tries to nurse when you touch your lips ever so softly to hers. It makes me laugh every time to feel her greedily grasping with her tender little mouth.

Ahhhhh. Babies are good for the soul.

And this...this is a picture of my husband. Who does not, under any circumstances, want another baby. Because we are too old. And babies grow up to be autonomous, verbal and very, very costly.



You see that look on his face? It means, "Just because I am holding this baby does NOT mean that I am willing to impregnate you."

However, there are at least 27 similar pictures taken over the course of our week long visit.

I think there might be a smidge of hope.

Anyway...it makes me happy to think of her and her brothers and sisters. The twins are gamine faced and slightly built, with deep brown eyes and infectious giggles. They are like little fairy people. The boy makes me laugh because he is SO like Dimiunitive One. The girl makes me wistful because my mother says she is me. The firstborn, who is now 8, gave my sister something she thought would always be lost to her; motherhood. His birth is clear in mind and I can still hear his first cry.

I rarely share pictures of my boys or my family here, but today I can't help myself.

Here are my two boys, plus all of my neices and nephews. I hope someday pictures like these will be taken more often than once a year. We are working toward that goal and for the first time, I believe it's going to happen.

They are dishevelled and red-faced because they had been playing in the snow. They are red-eyed because I am a notoriously poor photographer. But still, it makes me happy to look at this picture.

Top row: Diminutive One, Pubescent One holding neice #2, Eldest nephew. Bottom row: girl twin, boy twin.



Voila. Instant Funk Buster.

15 Comments:

  • At 6:29 PM, Blogger All Things BD said…

    I know of what you speak. I definitely get into a funk after coming back from California, but I've not experienced the sorrow you have recently. So glad that sweet baby is in your life to warm your heart.

     
  • At 9:11 PM, Blogger jess said…

    It's so true. Babies ARE good for the soul. I need to find me one quick.

     
  • At 9:22 PM, Blogger A Bite of Country Cupcakes said…

    What a great post,
    I love the piccie of your Hubby with the bub snuggled into his neck snoozing!
    Ahhh Man pictures like that always make me want just one more..They make my ovaries ache,Make me lacate?? Oh did I actually type that??
    Well mabey not....But hey babies really are such blessings any way you look at it.

     
  • At 9:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Its so nice that the cousins get to see each other as regularly as you can - I think cousin relationships are are really important. The pictures of all of the kids together is awesome - you can really see how connected they are - despite the miles between them.

     
  • At 10:40 PM, Blogger Jammie J. said…

    I love that look on your husband's face. It made me laugh out loud. Seriously, I did, which is why I didn't use the acronym.

    That picture of all the cousins is a treasure. One of my best friends growing up was my cousin who lived in Washington State (I'm in California). I hold dear the pictures of us together as kids. :)

     
  • At 6:49 AM, Anonymous Vic said…

    Ketchup and croutons have nutritional value and can therefore be considered a suitable meal choice. Multiple times in the same day.
    And who needs clean laundry anyways?

     
  • At 10:11 AM, Blogger Mac and Cheese said…

    That baby pic even makes me want another one, even though I'm still in the thick of diapers and spit-up.

     
  • At 11:53 AM, Blogger Amy Y said…

    Your boys are so handsome! And your hubby, too. Thanks for sharing that glimpse into your lives!

    I just returned from home (Indiana) a week ago, too. It's so tough and I'm homesick before the plane has left the tarmac. But the longer I'm in Colorado, the more it feels like home and somehow, that makes the funk go away a bit more quickly...

    I hope you find a way out of it, soon. Tell those boys to give you extra tight squeezes. :)

     
  • At 2:08 PM, Blogger mamatulip said…

    I love the picture of your husband. A picture says a thousand words, and one of the words that picture says definitely is 'hope'.

    Your boys, your family - it's beautiful. They're beautiful. I'm honoured to have gotten to see a picture.

     
  • At 6:34 PM, Blogger Angela said…

    Yes babys do that to a person.

    I am so excited for my second

     
  • At 11:19 PM, Anonymous Tracy (tamigardens) said…

    I'm sorry, but I read that last line as "Voila. Instant Fuck Buster." LOLOLOL

    I *love* seeing all the cousins. They look like they even like each other :o) - it's so nice to have a mental image of D.H., D.O. and P.O. - thnx for not being able to help yourself. Hubby definitely looks quite comfy holding the babe.

    Here's hoping you snap out of the funk soon... you definitely have reason, but I know all too well how it feels... and I wish you didn't have to feel so crummy.

    I say do whatever it takes to heal... bath or no bath, laundry or no laundry, and heck, croutons taste *good* in ketchup!

     
  • At 10:51 AM, Blogger Baroness von Bloggenschtern said…

    Oooh, aren't you the clever one?

    Getting that "new baby smell" all over Pubescent One's hoodie?

    I'll bet he never sees it again. :)

     
  • At 2:52 AM, Blogger Jozet at Halushki said…

    What beautiful photos!

    And c'mon...there's nothing more endearing than a big ole burly guy holding a wee new baby.

    And don't you want to shop for tiny pink dresses?

    AND you have in-house babysitters! ;-)

    Those photos are fabulous.

    And...I am truly and profoundly sorry to hear about the death of your dear friend. There are no words...only, I am so so sorry.

     
  • At 9:22 PM, Blogger IIDLYYCKMA said…

    I am so giggling at the expression on your husbands face:):) priceless! Your family is darling:) And yes a baby makes everything better:)

     
  • At 9:57 AM, Blogger Trenches of Mommyhood said…

    Love seeing the pics - it's nice to put actual faces with the names!

     

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