Blogs Are Stupid

Doesn't anyone believe in Dear Diary anymore? What happened to the joy of putting actual pen to paper? And why does every ordinary Jane and John think they can write well enough to burden the world with their scribblings? It’s a mystery that badly needs solving. My first entry contains my thoughts about blogging and will set your expectations. The rest will probably be stream of consciousness garbage, much like you’ll find on any other blog. Perhaps we will both come away enlightened.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

I Believe In Love

The wedding we attended this weekend brought back all kinds of memories, as weddings inevitably do.

The groom, our friend, is the kind of guy who is in love with being in love. He's a HUGE fan of the grand romantic gesture, the Hallmark moment, the cavity inducing sweetness that is twooooooooo wuuuvvvvv.

Sadly, he has not been lucky in love. His romantic past is so checkered that friends and co-workers took to calling him "Ross".

But I think he got it right this time. His bride is a lovely young lady and they are very well suited to one another. They both have the same buoyant, sunny personality and positive outlook on life. They are both fun loving, kind and generous.

But more importantly, they share a love of the absurd, the riduculous and the silly.

That will take them far. Because there have been many times in our fifteen year marriage, that if we hadn't been able to laugh, we would have cried. Being able to laugh with someone is a true gift. Being able to laugh with someone when things look hopeless and bleak is absolutely priceless.

The wedding was held outdoors, overlooking a sparkling blue bay. The weather was perfection, the ceremony simple, but elegant.

I really didn't expect to get all choked up, but I did. The moment the bride appeared in the doorway that opened onto the flagstone veranda, I felt a tightness in my throat and a tremble in my chin.

Because, true love...sigh...

Starting a life together...sniffle...

Pledging your life to your best friend....sob....

At a wedding, who doesn't think about the day they said their own vows? Who doesn't remember how pure and true and uncomplicated it was in the beginning? Who can watch a bride and groom and not be wistful for that time when everything was so full of promise and the possibilities for the life ahead were endless?

My wedding? Sucked.

But my marriage, all things considered, has been pretty great. Certainly we've had our ups and downs. But I've never, ever doubted the depth of his love or the strength of his commitment to me.

And we laugh. We laugh a lot.

You know how people say..."I love her/him more than I did the day we said 'I do'"?

I understand that now. It's different, no doubt. It's a quieter love, but deeper, stronger, and more solid. Then, it was all dazzle and heat. Now, it's comfort and warmth.

Oh we still burn...but it's a slow burn, one that smokes and smolders and needs a little more stoking before it ignites. But when it does, it is just as hot.

Fifteen years. How is that possible? In some ways, it seems like it was just yesterday.

A lot of people ask us how we do it. There are a lot of reasons our marriage works, and I could expound on all that. But much of our success I attribute to plain old dumb luck. I made some choices and I was selective in some ways. But marriage, at it's most basic level, is still a gamble. It just happened to pay off for us.

I honestly can't imagine being with anybody else. I can't imagine being out there at 40, trying to date. Who else would look upon my stretchmarks with fondness? Who else would look past the baby belly and the dimpled thighs? How would I ever compete with all those taut young twenty somethings walking around? It really makes me feel quite ill to think about it. I think I might die of anxiety if I had to get naked in front of a strange man.

But it's more than that. He's really and truly my best friend. I don't know that people get that lucky twice. I think I would feel as if I was tempting fate to even try. And I don't know how anybody else could ever measure up. How could I keep myself from mentally comparing every move, every thought, every gesture?

Well, I am a creature of habit, and I suppose that's just one more manifestation of that. I don't like things to change. I like comfortable. I like dependable. I like solid, safe, and secure.

Thank God he does too.

So, watching these two say their vows, I found myself hoping they would experience as much joy in each other as Husband and I do. We're not the perfect couple. But we're happy. And I think we will be together another 15 years, and maybe even 15 more.

No matter how old and wrinkled and toothless we become, he will always be the man to whom I said "I do", fifteen years ago.

And I think it will always seem like just yesterday.


  • At 7:56 PM, Blogger Middle Girl said…

    I think I might die of anxiety if I had to get naked in front of a strange man. My sentiments exactly! Of course, I won't be (in front of a man) ever again.

    Seriously, wonderful and lovely tribute to the joys and happiness that is togetherness.

    Congrats to your friend and to all those who in the throes of romance and love!

  • At 10:51 PM, Blogger poosemommy said…

    I like solid, safe, and secure.
    Thank God he does too."
    That's me and Hubby too - peas in a pod, no way I'd wanna be "shelled" (yeah, we're southern rednecks, how's you know)

  • At 7:56 AM, Blogger Amy Sue Nathan said…

    For those of us post-40 and single and dating I'll say that if a man is close enough to see your stretch marks - he doesn't give a hoot about them!!


  • At 10:54 AM, Blogger Notes and letters to myself.... said…

    The idea of dating again makes my stomach turn. Or having to be on my best behavior - ewww! True Love? I am not so convinced there is such a thing. I know I sound so jaded and cynical. I believe there is a chemical reaction when two people meet -- and that goes away after awhile. Then you settle into a routine and you hope to hell you have selected someone yuou can partner with for the rest of your life, who will abide, honor, and care for you, and yes love you until you are old an moldy.

    But romantic true love? Blah. No way.

  • At 12:23 PM, Blogger Amy Y said…

    I'm happy for you, that you've found Husband and I know you are both responsible for making your marriage work and continuing to stoke the fires... you definitely deserve the happiness you've found!

  • At 7:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Thank you for posting your life story and congratulations. After 4 heart breaks story like yours are the only thing left for me to hang on. I am loosing faith. Love is my only sours of life and cant find it.


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