My Kid Is Weird
And though he is a very smart child, certain things go right over his head because he doesn't interpret nuance, implication or ambiguity very well. He is very direct, sometimes disconcertingly so. And he expects others to be equally direct, equally clear in both word and deed.
If he were a smidge smarter, and a whole hell of a lot neater, I would liken him to Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory.
This is sometimes a problem for us, as both Husband and I are very sarcastic individuals. We share a very wry sense of humor. And we often forget that he is oblivious to our wit. Sometimes he will ask if we are being serious, but because he has an extreme aversion to looking stupid, a blank stare and an indifferent shrug are often the only indication that we've flummoxed him with our repartee.
It all sounds kind of mean...like talking about someone in a foreign language while they're standing right there, or, putting a "kick me" sign on someone's back. But it's not intentional. It's second nature for Husband and me. It just comes out. It's inherent. Or is it innate? Maybe both.
When he does venture a verbal response, they are often fantastically funny, because they are just so...wrong. Incongruous or Awkward or just nonsensical. And then it's funny because he didn't mean to be funny. He doesn't quite get why we laugh, but he's delighted to have made a joke of his own for once. And then he will repeat it over and over to anyone who will listen.
The other night, we were watching "Dances With Wolves" with him. He loves historical epics and hadn't seen this one yet. For some reason, he was enchanted with the Indian names. He was particularly charmed by "Stands With A Fist". After the movie, he asked Husband what he thought his Indian name should be.
"Well that's easy. Your Indian name would be Wears Shirt Backwards."
(Diminutive One has this amazing propensity for getting his clothes on backwards and inside out, and being completely oblivious to it. It's really quite a feat, as he has a 50% chance of getting his shirt on properly, but fully 90% of the time, he comes down with his tag showing and his neckline dipping oddly in the back.)
"Ha Ha Dad."
"No, no wait! It could be Showers When The Moon Is Full."
(He is also notorious for his aversion to showering regularly.)
"Or what about, Argues Like a Badger."
(He is renowned for his argumentative nature.)
"Very funny, DAD."
He folded his arms and frowned. Then he said...
"Well your Indian name would be weirdo!"
Husban and I looked at each other and broke into giggles. We genuinely did try to stifle them, but it was just so goshdarned funny because it was so wrong and not funny. We finally let go with full blown guffaws.
Diminutive One looked over glowering, but slowly a grin spread across his face. He had no idea why we were laughing, but he knew he was the cause of it. And that tickled him to death.
Just then Pubescent One appeared.
"Why are you laughing?" he asked.
"DUDE," said Diminutive One, "Dad said my Indian name should be Wears Shirt Backwards and then I said HIS Indian name should be weirdo!"
For a moment, Pubescent One looked confused. Then he snorted. And snorted again. Then he began to laugh. He laughed for the same reason Husband I had laughed, which caused us to break into fresh gales of laughter.
"Dude...that's so not funny!!" gasped Pubescent One.
"I KNOW!!!!" howled Diminutive One.
And that's when I realized that he....was laughing at us. Because we were the numbskulls laughing our fool heads off when nothing was funny.
And that is why I say...my kid is weird. But then you have to remember...the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.