I am scared to DEATH.
Since finalizing the details with the owner of the facility where I'll be conducting my classes, I've felt sick to my stomach and had nothing but doubts about my ability to actually pull this off. I have been absolutely dreading that day and looking at it as something I just have to endure if I'm going to make it as an instructor.
But I reached a turning point this week. I began to believe in myself and actually started to look forward to that first class. Why? Because I finally made peace with making mistakes.
Am I going to screw up? Yes. I'm fairly certain that I will. But nobody is going to pull out a gun and shoot me. Will people stay away because I didn't execute every routine perfectly? Maybe. Am I going to let it stop me from being a Zumba instructor? No. Because everybody has to start somewhere. It's time I start facing my fear of failure and addressing this little perfectionist problem that I have and just ACCEPT that I'm going to make mistakes.
I attended a class this morning by another newly certified instuctor. And guess what? She screwed up. There was no gunfire. In fact, I'm fairly certain nobody even noticed, focused as they were on getting their own steps right. Did she stop and apologize? Did she berate herself? Did she fling herself upon a sacrificial altar where the crowd could rip her entrails from her prostrate form and dance naked with them held aloft under a full moon?
Uh, no. She simply....moved on.
And absolutely nothing calamitous happened because she made a mistake. That's what I have to remember and embrace as I prepare to take on this challenge.
I am a huge fan of le bon mot, so naturally, there are several quotes that I plan to adopt as my talisman against the doubt and uncertainty that constantly threatens to come creeping back.
"Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes"
"The greatest mistake in life is continually fearing you will make one."
"The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing."
Though the challenge is new, the fear of failure isn't. And I realize I've let that keep from doing a lot of things in my life. But I faced that fear when I joined Weight Watchers. I certainly didn't do that perfectly. I made mistakes. I had weak moments. I screwed up. But I still lost weight. Why? Because I simply picked myself up, dusted myself off, and moved on. And now here I am, 75lbs lighter.
I'd call that... hmmm..., now what is that thing that so many people achieve because they aren't afraid to take risks and try new things? Oh yes...SUCCESS. I am a SUCCESS at weight loss. And because of that, I have the courage to try this other thing that I'm probably going to make mistakes doing and dare to believe that I can also achieve SUCCESS at it.
Wouldn't you think I would have figured this out before 42 years of age? Sheesh.
Now I'll share a small victory with you. I have, thus far, shied away from trying to choreograph an entire routine. I have adapted routines that I knew, but never have I created one from start to finish. I was afraid that if I tried it and couldn't do it, all that old insecurity would come galloping back and I'd be finished before I even started.
But I finally decided to give it a go. And you know what? I did it. Granted, it's a very simple warm-up routine; nothing complex or face paced. But I did it. It's the very first song in my class line-up. I thought it fitting to open my debut class with something that signifies a new, bolder, me.
The song I used is the one below. If you want to see the routine, you'll have to come to my class. If you're in the Atlanta area, email me for details.
What could be more fun that watching me learn from my mistakes??